Have I been naive to think love can be unconditional?

[Alupalu2020]

This might seem like a silly observation, but I feel like I’ve only just realised that ALL love is conditional.

i feel like I got married quite early on, and was very much in a ‘I’ll love you forever no matter what’ phase, and I genuinely thought that this feeling would be like this forever & nothing could make me change my mind and that he would also feel the same about me.

over the years I’ve noticed how differently he began to treat me, two kids, lots of stress, redundancies, job losses, new job struggles & weight/body changes - these have all played a part in big changes in our relationship - however I genuinely thought that no-matter what, he would always love me regardless.

was I just disillusioned? Is it stupid to think that someone can love you unconditionally?

Yes. Love from parent to child can be unconditional. But in a romantic relationship there are always conditions. For example, I love my husband through thick and thin… but if he started physically harming me that love would dry up faster than the Sahara. If he started being horrible to me, once I’d ruled out a tumor or neurological condition I wouldn’t stick around. Same for if he harmed our children, other people without reason (self defence etc) or animals… I couldn’t love that rendition of my DH.

Now I never believe that will happen which is part of him being the person I love. But if it did… those are conditions.

Love isn’t a permanent phenomenon. It’s a combination of lust, trust, respect, friendship and choice.

Never unconditional between a man and a woman. Everybody is trying to choose based on conditions: money, health, standing in society. Nobody ever sets out to marry saying 'I am going to find a poor, homeless, physically unwell society outcast'. Everybody has conditions. Even subconsciously.