Husband wants to separate but still live together with the children

[PrincessCalley]

Hi all, so I've posted before about my marriage being in trouble. My husband has now told me he wants to leave me. He needs to do things and wants to be on his own, maybe travel to China or South America. Ive been processing this the best part of 6 weeks. Doing okay most of the time. However, we also have 2 kids. 13 and 11. He now wants us to sell our home and move into town and live together. Im actually okay with this idea (about moving to town) but the living together while living separate lives is not sitting well with me. In a few years the kids will have gone to college etc so what happens then? He then floated the idea of buying 2 houses close to each other. Sounds great but this will cost the best part of 900k and our house is not worth near that. We have no mortgage currently. He seems to be loosing his grip on reality in that he thinks life will be great and money will come but im stressing about paying for everything. Kids are expensive, running a house is expensive. He also talks about us getting back together in a few years when we've had time apart. We can then rent the 2nd home. I think hes losing his grip on reality and am not sure whats going on. We are both early 40s. Anyone have any thoughts? Mid life crisis? There is definitely noone else involved but he has struck up a friendship with some people in their 20s who are in his gym and I am convinced this is playing a part. He spends a lot of time texting one of the 24yr old girls. She has a partner but i am starting to think she give him attention that he feels i dont. As his permanently stressed out wife.

Get legal and financial and tax advice. That will help .inform your options. It is possible to have a legal separation agreement dividing assets up but which doesn't prevent either party filing for divorce and a financial order at any time . In practical terms it seems you will need a house, and he may need a flat with a spare bedroom and sofa bed for children to stay with him. Can you afford that. How is he going to pay child support if he is travelling or do you earn enough for your reasonable needs. How are pension pots going to factored in.

You husband needs a wake up call, if he thinks he can have a half in half out relationship with you and his children .

Absofuckinlutely!

Fully grown men using Snapchat only use it for the disappearing messages feature. Snapchat is known as a platform for the younger adult audience. This is definitely evidence that you need to dig deeper.

Has he seen a doctor? this sounds all so delusional.

He also talks about us getting back together in a few years when we've had time apart. We can then rent the 2nd home. I think hes losing his grip on reality and am not sure whats going on. We are both early 40s

absolutely delusional! That's in his Walter Mitty life.

back in the real world, you'll have moved on by then, found someone else and happily living your best life.

in he'll stroll, thinking he can pick up where he left off and you'll have to break the sad news to him.

Let's just say he wants to spend time shagging and holidaying as if he was a single 21 year old with wifey doing the heavy lifting until he decides to come back or not. Nice life if you can get it. 24 year old gym women will tick the box. Time for him to get a reality check.

Er, no, you should not accept that.
A clean break with a home for you and the kids and he can bugger off and do what he wants. He does need to provide 50% childcare and maintenance though, so I hope his too young girlfriend has prepared for her sugar daddy to be a little short on cash.
Sorry, but he is taking you and his children for mugs. And as for taking him back in a few years. I don't think so!

Do not do this. Years ago, my sister did this to put on a front for the children. Those kids knew there was something very wrong. Someone told her not to leave while they were getting divorced but in the end, it was too difficult and also pointless because the front was transparent. I bet your kids are painfully aware that something is not right, and they deserve clarity. Also sounds very much like your husband wants his cake and eat it. Work out what you want. And get legal advice quickly.

Is this a joke? He cannot be serious.

Quite simply, this is totally unfair on you on every level. If your husband wants to separate, the only fair way to do this is for you to actually be separate.
It sounds like he wants to keep you on as housekeeper and parent for his kids whilst doing as he pleases without guilt from a relationship point of view. I suspect the staying together in one home is to keep his schedules free any weekends/periods where he has to a turn at parenting and he’s expecting you to remain single in case he changes his mind after having other relationships and travelling.
Decide what you want and present that to him as the only option you would consider at this stage. I must say such selfish and thoughtless behaviour from him makes it seem like you’d not be well served staying with him now, whatever happens.
Sorry you’re having to face such unkindness.

Early 40s is a great time to separate. Dont let him fuck up your new freedom.
I know loads of women my age now (early 50s) who wish theyd separated 10 years ago (like I did, not that I had any foresight but I was desperate). Don’t waste the next 10 years of your life facilitating a selfish man and an expired relationship.

This. He still wants a cleaner and house coordinator and have a few years fuck ing around then come back to you. He might even expect a few drunken sex sessions with you as well if you’re living together.

In addition to cake and eat it - completely agree... it's like he just wants somewhere to store all his stuff while he buggers off so he's not paying for a house here while he goes travelling. Don't let him do this to you op!!

He has given this whole situation long thought as to how it would work best for him.
You as the little ex wife keep the home fires burning as he has as much freedom as he wishes is definitely what works for him.
No definitive childcare responsibilities as you will be always at home.

He's a spectacular cheeky fxxker, to put it mildly.

.

Ha ha. I would tell him politely to fuck right off, but this former people pleaser is menopausal. Even cheekier than my narcissistic bully of an ex husband suggesting without a trace of irony, as he moved out, that we could always be friends with benefits. Deluded fucker.

You sound so calm that I can only assume you’re in shock. Virtually all of your post is about what your crackpot/selfish/immature/unhinged/f#kwit (delete as appropriate) wants to do with HIS life and lifestyle. So, here’s what YOU do. Sit yourself down and write out a list of EXACTLY what you want to happen from now on in the life of you and your DC. This will be your response to his fanciful proposition. And make it clear that it’s non-negotiable. If he doesn’t like it he can f#k off to China and keep right on fu*king off as long as he wants cos you won’t be around to patch up his sorry arse when it dawns on him that it’s time for a soft landing back home. Seriously.

He should be allowed access to his own children

Im not clear how he thinks he can go on a prolonged holiday with 2 children he needs to parent?

I dont know why youre entertaining his talk of us or we? If youre over, youre over and you arent buying future problems together

He needs to do things and wants to be on his own, maybe travel to China or South America.

It's so expensive to buy and sell houses I wouldn't want to do it as often as he's suggesting.

Absolutely sounds like a midlife crisis. 2 years and maybe return to be with you?! Is that his equivalent of taking a gap year except it's 2 years. Flaming cheek of the man!
So what does he expect you to do whilst he swans off on his travels? Take care of the dcs? Where's your holiday adventure then?
Selfish. As if anyone would wait around whilst someone did that.
As for moving into a town, I'd be questioning as to why he wants to do that.
What do you want for your future life? Make that a priority because he sure as he'll is doing that for himself and that only includes you when he sees fit.
Tbh I'd not want to be with someone so self focused. I'd be looking at divorce.

Hi op Another joke of a man being a twat. I hope you put him straight once he decides to split there is no going back your not a woman to be messed around. It’s not like you’re just dating it’s a bloody marriage fgs he’s taking the piss. If you move to town don’t be on each other’s doorstep the kids are old enough to be dropped off a few miles away and still attend school. He could be having a midlife crisis but this doesn’t mean he gets to call the shots if he doesn’t want you as a wife now he doesn’t get to change his mind. Living together but being separated helps no one. People only do this when they have no choice if you have one take it and only do what’s best for you possibly an affair and he wants to play the field then come back when it goes tits up. No way op tell him to fuck himself.

It sounds like he wants to split, go and travel and do whatever he wants with whoever he wants guilt free, then when he realises he misses his old life, to just step back in where he left of with zero guilt as he didn't cheat as your on a break.......

This. He's definitely had his head turned.