Husband received overseas paternity test request and is refusing to engage

[Operaofthephantom]

I'm pretty sure I already know what this means but I can't talk to anyone close right now because I don't have the energy.
Husband got asked to comply with a paternity test request from abroad. It was issued via a solicitor's office by post. I know the requestor, or at least have met her before some years ago. One of those times she was pregnant and she and her husband were so happy.

He denies everything and refuses to engage and says he doesn't have to.
I don't know why I am even writing this. I somehow already know that it's probably true and that he'll never admit it.

I meant the OW could upload her child's and look for matches, not OP. That would be no bueno at this point.

But OP's kids might do that someday. Genealogy is a pretty popular hobby and plenty of younger people are doing it.

In your shoes @Operaofthephantom, I'd contact her. I would want the truth, and you're not going to get it from your husband.

Another thing for OP to think about, if this comes out that her husband has had unprotected sex with at least one person he's training, how will this affect his job?

I'd be going to doctor, then lawyer ASAP.

Exactly, people should only put their DNA out there if they really have to get themselves family information on ancestors etc. that they can't live without/cope emotionally without. Long lost family type programmes show situations where you might need to or there might be some kind health based concerns, But it's otherwise unnecessary.

... unless of course she's the scammer

Her husband will be legally recognized as the child’s father, and liable to support the child. The request for a paternity test may be from his solicitors, as an attempt to have him removed from the birth certificate and alleviate him of financial obligation for the child.

This is very complicated for a number of reasons, and by letting his solicitor deal with it he’s handling it correctly. He could, theoretically, be compelled to take a DNA test, but the enforcement of such an order isn’t straightforward. Even if successful, it can take years. Similarly, so can any collection of child support. While the UK and Czechia are both signatories of The Hague convention, it’s a complicated process.

What does she want out of this

to prove to her dh that baby isn’t his

for him to pay cms

if you think he has an affair he prob did so depends if you can forgive and carry on or divorce

This is why OP needs to start the divorce off.

It depends on why your husband is refusing to engage

• is it because he thinks it is a scam coming from a country and person he knows nothing about? then of course he has a point.

• is it because he knows there is a strong possibility that this child is his and he wants to avoid any financial responsibilities and also because he does not want to admit he has cheated on you?

Either way you need to get to the bottom of this and not let your husband fob you off.

If her DH was controlling etc, is it possible that he has accused her of infidelity and is making her do this to prove that the child is not your DH's?

Is your DH vehemently denying an affair?

Is it possible this is a second child?

If the OP's husband had donated sperm in Czechia, he need only produce the paperwork to set the OP's mind at rest as to how this might have come about.

I'm making no assumptions. I'm expressing the possibility that the encounter was not consensual.

Sorry if this has already been mentioned, but be aware that some scam paternity tests always give a 'positive' result

Child support is such a small amount that it wouldn't be worth it. There are no real consequences for fathers who don't pay so what would be the point?

You need to find your anger OP! You can’t just be disappointed that your husband possibly impregnated an OW during your marriage and is now refusing to check if he has another child by her….??

Please tell me you’re leaving this waste of space!

I scrolled through some of this, so if someone else already made this suggestion please forgive me.
You said the woman was struggling with fertility issues, her husband was unpleasant and controlling and that your husband was her friend. Also that neither she nor your husband want to take the test. Is it possible that the fertility problems were due to her husbands crappy sperm and if both of them were desperate for a child she asked your husband for help as a way to solve all their problems without humiliating the controlling husband.

is it possible your husband thought he was doing a kind thing donating sperm (without having sex) and giving this couple a child. It was never supposed to be his child but now it has exploded into a nightmare for every one.

I realise that an affair is the most likely scenario but you know your husband, is this something he might do ?(I speak as someone who only has children because some kind men, totally above board), donated their sperm. My children are completely aware and not curious about them at all. Nothing else was ever required from them, definitely not deadbeat dads),

Good luck

And no, do not contact her. You don’t want to inadvertently give her anything that she can use in her favor, legally. Let the solicitors deal with it.

Speaking as a man, if I knew that I hadn't had sex with this woman and fathered her child, I'd refuse to take a DNA test as well and let her pursue it through the courts until she got a court order from a British court and then take it in the UK and have it processed in the UK.
I certainly wouldn't respond to a letter from some random lawyers in Eastern Europe demanding a DNA swab is sent to them.

Yes.

OP wrote: "he spent weeks abroad training her and others".

"Give me sex or I'll refuse to sign-off your training" is a very real possibility and many employers have policies to try to safeguard against this. The university I worked for outright banned staff from shagging students, all staff, even non-academics. A cleaner could conceivably offer to raid a filing cabinet of exam papers in return for "favours".

The OP's husband may will have risked his career here. All the more important that OP gets divorced ASAP.

Sounds like a scam to me. I wouldnt either.

This is why sperm donation should only ever been done through clinics, to safeguard everyone. There's no protection for informal donation and, in the UK you aren't legally meant to do it anyway under HFEA. Czechia probably has its own equivalent of HFEA.

I think the point is, they have had sex.

I think the OP said "suspected" unless I've missed a post ?

Do we actually know it was the woman or her husband or someone else whose lawyer sent the request through?