Could you be satisfied in a loving relationship without orgasm through intercourse?

[BreezyPeachGoose]

Could you be content & satisfied in a relationship which meets most of your needs, except, to achieve a PIV orgasm?

Other means have had some success but are in no way consistent.

Both mid / late 50s, we've been together for around 8 months.

We are in love, the sex is great, the connection is amazing, but the mutual orgasm is elusive...

I don't think many women achieve orgasm through penetrative sex.

I've never had that in any relationship I've been in, so yes, I could live without it.

Kind of, yes.
I find it extremely difficult to orgasm, even alone, and I was happy enough, though it did mean I wasn't as bothered about sex as DH which caused problems.

Read the Hite Report. Only about 30% of women orgasm through PIV.

An orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm. As long as it feels good however you get it is great.

Are you saying you don’t reach orgasm at the same time or one of you reaches orgasm and leaves the other hanging?

Reaching orgasm together takes work but if one of you is left hanging then that’s a different story, in my book if you finish first you don’t leave her wanting, that’s a recipe for disaster.

You AIBU statements are wrong though. It isn't without orgasm, is it? It's without PIV orgasm.

The sex and connection are great but you can't consistently achieve orgasm through any method?

I don’t know as this line created some confusion “Other means have had some success but are in no way consistent” it kind of read as if orgasms where hard to come by whatever the method but i may have read it wrong.

Hm. This sounds rather...well.

But taking it in good faith - why is it so important to you to both climax at the same time? Additionally, if you only orgasm during PIV at the same time as he does, then unless he's multi-orgasmic (not likely, in his fifties), you're really restricting yourself and missing out, aren't you?

Absolutely. In fact I’ve never had an orgasm solely through intercourse until my current relationship.

As long as you get one/some by any means, preferably by your partner doing it not just yourself, why should it have to be via a certain method?

I know many women only orgasm from oral or see that as a deal breaker. My ex never did it to me and I didn’t really want it, so it wouldn’t occur to me that it was an issue but I know some wouldn’t even date a man who didn’t go down. I would always give him BJs and he rarely came from PIV either so it was mainly about the hands and mouths for us, but I had some spectacular orgasms from hand stuff tbh.

Current DP loves going down on me (a revelation for me I might add!) and we have amazing PIV too. Just a different fit and a different feel altogether to previous partners.

What we do in bed and how we climax is a bit irrelevant as long as both partners are happy with the amount and kind of sex we have. Why does it matter whether it’s a deal breaker for anyone except the two people involved?

It depends on the details. If I was physically incapable of orgasm, then no, to continue to be incapable wouldn't bother me.

If I orgasmed with my past partners, then it absolutely 100% would.

But I'd be thinking very seriously about why that's the case, what my part in it is, and what effect it's having on my partner.

Are you the man or the woman in this?

I have never had an orgasm through PIV alone, I don't think I have ever had an orgasm at exactly the same time as a partner.

But, I have and have a very fulfilled, orgasmic, satisfying sex life!

So presumably In previous relationships you’ve achieved mutual orgasm? If so that’s pretty rare I think

I dated a man with ED for several years and in terms of orgasms I've never had so many. He had them too - just not inside me. I think there was damaged caused by his ex who put them on a conception schedule and he felt massive pressure to perform on demand, which never really got fixed. We split up because he had an avoidant attachment style, but the sex life was absolutely not a problem. We had a good sex life - it just wasn't a typical PiV sex life.

Really? I've only ever had one relationship where that wasn't normal.

Do you mean only PIV-with-hands-off-clit?

Absolutely you can - I haven't had an orgasm via PIV sex for probably 30 years, but loads of orgasms generally.
You're possibly putting too much pressure on yourself to achieve orgasm that way - maybe try some sex toys (a clitoral suction toy from Love Honey was a revelation for me!) and take the pressure off. There's loads of mutual fun to be had without insisting on mutual orgasms!!

Yes PIV only

Yes as I can’t anyway

It really is sad when you think about it, how many men care nothing for a woman’s pleasure.

I mean it’s a sobering question but - if you look back on your sex life, what percentage of the men even enquired as to your orgasm? (And don’t include the ones that did it only for their own sexual satisfaction. Or, for their ego). And of them, how many then went in to help you out to conclusion?

As pp said, many women don’t get there with piv alone. But, it shouldn’t be piv alone right? And honestly if they took the time to get to know your body, if they cared enough, chances are you would, at least on occasion, reach it together.

How big a deal it is up to you.
But, I wonder would a man be expected to settle for it if the tables were turned.

Its only a really small amount of women who have that anyway, and I'm not one of them. So it wouldn't be an issue for me

I’m surprised you’re in your 50s and don’t realise how normal you are?

Sometimes I wonder if women who orgasm through PIV haven't ever actually had a real orgasm. I was in my 30s when I first did

I’ve never had one that way so yes and I am

I’ve never had one but I would struggle without PIV in general as I love it.
Oral and fingers feel great but can’t beat being taken!

Happily married without this. I can O through other means and do most of the time but not PIV. I enjoy it though. Lots to enjoy all round without being obsessed with Os.