Where are all the decent men hiding?

[Arding]

Where are all the decent men hiding?
Do you have a decent man?
Where did you find him?

What age are you looking for? The numbers are against you if you’re looking past about 30. Yes I know many women who have lovely partners. Most met when they were much younger. Only know a couple who found a good one 40s and up. Both via online dating and a LOT of filtering and dud dates.

They were out hiking yesterday morning and then spent the afternoon with their grandkids in the park. Said hello, chatted and smiled with a few women who basically didn't know how to handle it.

They are not on online dating sites...

Best to try to meet men in real life through hobbies, sports, work.

I met my lovely DP on hinge after “one last look” before deleting the app.. we are crazy about each other! He’s just wonderful!

There weren't a lot to begin with and the older you get the more you are left with the dregs and other women's cast offs.

There's nothing wrong with staying single and building a life that makes you happy.

That's not true and things don't always work out like that.

I appreciate theyre like gold dust but I was lucky enough to meet mine on Hinge at the start of last
year. He was my 2nd online date.

I was very lucky to meet my wonderful DP on Tinder two years ago, I was 44 and he was 54. He had been about to delete the app due to not having much luck and I had been separated from my husband for a few months so was dipping my toe into online dating. Found a gem of a human on the first go!! Kind, funny, loving, caring, fun-loving, zest for life, emotionally intelligent, solvent etc. Everything my ex-H wasn’t in the end!

They are on hinge but not getting dates. Something like 3 percent of the men on dating sites get 90 percent of dates. They are the assholes. It’s the rest, decent, unflashy, being ignored who are worth meeting.

my ds is late 20’s. Employed graduate, tall, slim, hair, very sweet, would adore the right woman but never gets any dates, it’s frustrating on both sides

A mumsnet dating site would be good- where we can recommend our lovely sons or brothers or friends to meet lovely MN ers.

Now there's an idea. My friend's son is lovely- 28 and just shy. My friend would love to get her oar in!

There are older guys out there too. Don't be discouraged. Keep on getting out there.

I met my husband at a disco in October 1995, I was 19 he was 22, we got married May 1996 and just celebrated our 30th anniversary. I’m so glad online dating wasn’t a thing back then

This.

my gem was probably being overlooked a lot on dating apps because of his height. He’s quite short for a bloke, only 5ft 7 or so, but I’m short too so doesn’t bother me but many women will not entertain shorter men 🤷‍♀️ he makes up for it with his personality and charisma. Both of which you can’t evaluate on dating apps

I think the decent ones are largely happily married. Dh is wonderfully decent (if messy 🙄) and we’ve been happily married for 18 years. He was 21 when we met, in a dodgy bar in Asia drinking dodgy bootleg wine, and we got married 3 years later.

All the men I know becoming re-available in their 40s currently all seem to be cheaters, have drug and alcohol problems, or a record of inappropriate behaviour with children. 😬 Obviously, there are awful women out there. I do know one who is a hot mess with an alcohol and coke problem whose otherwise lovely husband left her. He is now re-married to a nice, sensible woman and they have a new baby. He got snatched up quickly because he is genuinely a really nice guy.

Snap... 18 months in, and he's perfect for me. I only had one other date after joining, and although we'd been chatting for a while, he turned out to be a bit of an odd one. I also met someone 'in the wild' who was a walking red flag! I eventually realised I still had my profile, so logged back in to delete it. But before I did, I took one last look at my inbox... and there he was. He just stood out from everyone else. It was meant to be

In the local pub 20+ years ago

So, so difficult. I sometimes go to my office - 100 people in. Of the potential matches on age alone there are probably a dozen or so potentials at most. Then you add it attraction and that number reduces, then the amount who MAY be single, then the ones who may be interested... not many probably (plus trying to get to know them in an open plan office etc). Not saying it cant happen but unlikely.

There are plenty on dating sites but for some reason they dont get matches. Are women being too fussy? I have seen some women at 5ft 4 saying they need a man 6ft+. Maybe these men dont have a 6 pack, are not pictured up a mountain, they just look normal and are normal. When I was on them I got few hits despite ticking IMO a lot of boxes!

I think a lot of nice men get overlooked.
My DH was early 40's when we met, separated from his first wife. He's pretty decent, just the first marriage had run it's course.
My DD has recently started seeing someone. She thinks he's fantastic - but she likes short, slender guys! There's a mania for men looking a certain way and I suspect this is even more so online. (Same with women TBF)
My friend has a son in his mid 20's - intelligent, interesting, personable, etc and he struggles to meet women despite being very open to meeting someone.

Who didn’t know what to do? This doesn’t make sense.

I married my DH that year, met Jan 94 married Sept 95. We met through an advert in Singles magazine. People who subscribed to it, in my opinion, were ‘serious’ about finding someone. It was a hell of a faff to put an advert in, not something you would do after a few too many beers!

31 years next month.

Yes, I have the best man. Sorry ladies. Not perfect, but very, very decent.

He found me in the pub 21 years ago and I over looked him for months because he was too nice. I'm so glad i gave him a chance, we are very much more in love than ever.

I suspect the decent ones are out there, doing things the less decent ones aren't. They're probably still in pubs, but hanging out with mates, not chasing women. Or doing their hobbies. I have friends on dating sites, it seems the good ones are very few and far between indeed.

So I guess if I were looking now, I would just go about my daily life, but with an open mind and heart. The right person will come along.

I knew about them, saw them in my local paper. A lot more time consuming than putting a profile online. I’m 6ft 1, my husband is 5ft 5, a lot of women passed him by due to being short, height never came into it for me and I’m glad he didn’t mind a taller girlfriend😊. Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary ❤️❤️

It also depends what you mean by "good". Solvent, fit and healthy, own home, honest, kind, funny and intelligent? Everything is a toughie, not many men will tick every box.

I met what I call a good man online dating - kind, considerate, supportive, good company, works out, doesn't expect me to support him, totally understanding about coming second to my children. He's also an immigrant, 5 ft 6, has an office job now but doesn't earn much, lives in shared housing (very common in London). Some women wouldn't consider that a "good" man but he's right for me.

I was 37 and divorced with 2 children. Joined a club doing a hobby I enjoy and met my now fiancé there. He is very handsome and so I had to fight off other women to get him 😂 He is 3 years older and divorced but no children. We have been together 3 years now and get married next year. He has taken on my children like they are his own ❤

Hobbies are the way to go, I know many people who have met through clubs this way.

Many of them have been snapped up! My husband is amazing, we've been married over 30 years. Lots of my friends also have amazing husbands/partners.

There are still a few around. One of my friends in her 50s has recently found a great man, who is a widower.