Is it control ?

[Apollo23]

So I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months. We had a split during 8 months , had a month apart. Then slowly started speaking again.
He was very adamant that he was different and had done a lot of work to change his behaviour. It was slow at the start , I took it very slowly , he said how committed he was to this relationship and how sorry he was that it took to get to rock bottom to realise how much he loved me. Anyway , we were taking it slow and he was different for a few good weeks. Very different , until I invited him to my place , now he hadn’t seen my place because I wanted to be very solid and comfortable before showing my home. I finally did after his pressure about my own place, he came round over the weekend , my flat is very minimal , classy , well put together.
I had said to him there are my father’s clothes here as my father is a hoarder and I was helping him get rid of his clothes. Now I’m also in between homes as I care for my father , so there wasn’t as much personal belongings at my place when he visited it, he was fine on Friday and Saturday we had a lovely weekend. Sunday we had a little argument and he unleashed that I don’t live in that home , there’s men’s clothes , I’m not being honest , he wanted me to show him my clothes in order to prove I am living there. Many accusations were being thrown at me, I naturally defended myself , then I was called defensive and hiding something.
it was all apparently my fault. I didn’t speak to him the next day , then I had a text saying my radio silence spoke volumes. He ended our relationship, even though he swore he wouldn’t walk away and how if this relationship ends it would have to be my decision.
Our relationship ended before because , well he did things like this a lot. He didn’t trust me and well I gave him a second chance.
I guess I’m saying this and asking for just some help that I’m not nuts but totally devastated that he’s reverted back to his old self and not much change really has occurred.

I mean we had everything , the intimacy was off the scale seriously ! We had our own language , same humour , we thought the same , said the same thing , I mean seriously I know you all might think get a grip but everything was the same with us but it’s like he couldn’t change or he couldn’t accept the love or peace. He had to screw it up

Look, he always intended to contact you again, probably was hoping you'd cave first, and he's been on tenterhooks for your reply.

So now he's back to let you know of his sacrifice of not having replaced you with another victim, and provided you with a checklist to help you change every aspect about your person in order to please him. If you give up your career, let him look through your phone, make yourself less desirable for others, he'd take you back in a heartbeat.

He's insecure, emotionally immature and prone to grandiosity, really he sounds dreadful. Tell him to use his own words and no AI next time and block for good.

the next girl won’t be prettier than you. She’ll be quieter.

That is so telling isn‘t it. He is a dangerous man.

You had a shit, unstable and emotionally damaging relationship with a poor man who cannot even house himself adequately.

This isnt slowly over time either. This was 8 months. And they split half way!

Read this over and over again. Please please get some advice from refuge, given you have had this person in your home. It probably won't feel like it, but minimising any contact (and better cutting them out of your life completely) is the most dangerous time. Check all devices first. Change passwords to all important accounts ASAP and do that regularly going forward.

I barely had to read your post to know it is abuse. The behaviour is predictable but it's really not when you are in the middle of it.

Often, projection is used. So what you are accused of and what you will find yourself defending yourself for is the exact thing that the other person is actually doing.