This was another recent email from him what shattered me truly………
Holly I left your place on Sunday night for silence and peace
Let that sink in.
On that night I decided I’d prefer to hear nothing than hear your voice. I’d rather sleep alone than sleep next to your negative attitude as it was on that night.
You were supposed to be my peace. My home, my rest, my exhale.
Instead you became my war time after time, especially after we got back together. The instances of our arguments were in the main started by you , and multiplied by your very quick over reactions to instances
We were never far away from a new problem, a new fight.
So that night I chose peace. That night peace for me was single.
Peace was quiet.
Peace was my bedroom
with no one in it except me
Holly you thought your beauty, our language , our fun times, our incredible intimacy would keep me
But all these things without peace were downgraded. Yes of course couples argue and disagree but the levels to which we both stooped to were unsustainable
I didn’t leave for sex with someone else, I left for silence. And silence is freedom for me. I don’t want that all the time but on Sunday night it became my saviour
Holly this means you became so expensive
to my spirit, to my soul, and possibly I to yours. We have systematically destroyed each others sense of self and being.
I just wanted us to be a soft place for me to land
But it became a battlefield.
So I demilitarised .
I removed my troops and myself
You might well say that I’ve lost an unbelievable unique woman , and I accept that. But I also escaped a real headache.
My blood pressure and physical being thanks me every morning.
I will continue to work on myself , and your uncalled for and disparaging remark about my meditation will not discourage me.
I will continue to work on myself and any issues that I feel I have. Although as you will appreciate for a man of my years the wiring is much harder to reconfigure. You will not come across a man as introspective as me, but another reason I walked out on Sunday evening is because you never fully appreciated that. My ‘work on myself’ was never enough for you
IF ever I have another relationship , and it’s a HUGE IF, the next girl won’t be prettier than you
She’ll be quieter.
She won’t be badder.
She’ll be calmer.
Because Im not looking for smoke.
I inhaled enough with us and it’s really damaged me. I didn’t walk out of your apartment on Sunday to another woman.
That night you lost me to my own nervous system. In that instance I chose survival over you, over us.
Through all of my life I have tolerated struggle.
I have tolerated damn near anything.
But what I can’t tolerate any more is having wars in a relationship after fighting them all day in other areas of my life
So I left you that night
and I didn’t rebound,
I didn’t post ads I didn’t look to replace you...
I just disappeared into my own peace. Holly you say you’ve worked on things ? Well since we got back together I saw little evidence of your ability not to over react so so quickly. That’s a huge problem for me, and hence my departure on Sunday evening
I will always always love you. I will always smile when I think of the good times. And I will reflect on those dreadful bumps in the road.