Would I be unreasonable to ask my elderly mum for an apology?

[NotAMumTutor]

It's about me and my elderly mum - she's 90 this year - and how honest I should be with her. Sometimes I just like being a bit off-the-wall/goofy and my brother's 70th was one of those occasions. I did a silly slightly squatting pose in the group photos, which could have suggested going to the loo, but my intention was to mimic letting others behind me be seen (as a joke, as I'm 5 foot nothing). Anyway, the whole event wasn't that fun, just pleasant, and I was feeling a bit bored (having gotten a bit stressed on the way due to time constraints).
So I did the pose, with mum also in the group photo; she's very young for her age - fully able both physically and mentally, and everyone's shocked at her numerical age based on these facts. However, on and off, she reacts to me with signs of contempt (by no means always, as we can spend a pleasant day together - say once every 3 months! - without much conflict... although I do like to speak my mind in response to some of her views... )
Anyway, during the group photoshot (which wasn't in any way 'formal' but just a friendly group activity, probably suggested by a sibling who was also feeling bored!) mum very aggressively (not at all in a jokey or nice way) told me off for striking the silly pose, to which I felt obliged NOT to obey her - I'm nearly 64 for goodness sake!! I just responded by saying I like doing that, and kept my response light-hearted, though feeling that her behaviour towards me was shocking - talking to me as if I was about 4 in front of other people. Nothing was said, but, in my own mind, I think it reflected VERY badly on her character, and not mine at all.
Am I being unreasonable, given that the family will be celebrating her 90th later this year, if I ask her to have a chat with me about this, and hopefully be able to get her to apologise? Or is it reasonable, to expect some sort of apology before I'm obliged to keep it all sweetness for the celebration? The meetup to chat would be just me and her, to avoid embarrasing her in front of anyone (and anyway, they might feel obliged to take her side for an easy life).
Honestly, I think she fits the classic narcissist pattern, as she needs people to fit in with her restricted ideas of behaviour to be 'rewarded' with a pleasant attitude from her in response, and unless this can be resolved, I may end up boycotting the event - but I don't want to take it that far, as I doubt I'd get any support for that stance, and would risk falling out with my whole family for something that wasn't my fault.
I don't feel like I should let her 'get away with' this sort of behaviour and belittle me in such an extreme way! It certainly wasn't a pleasant experience, even though I knew 100% it wasn't me in the wrong - if I want to be silly, that's 100% my decision as a free individual!
Sorry this is sooo long.

i’d have been irritated by your behaviour in the pics and I’m not 90
you say you’re goofy - but there’s a time and place and maybe photos for what sounds like a relatively formal 70th (you said it wasn’t that fun) was neither the time or place

You were very annoying and should have apologised to people yourself. Why on earth you think your mum should apologise to you I’ve no idea.

I really wouldn't ask her to apologise. To be honest, I hate people doing silly poses in photos and would probably have said 'stop messing about '.

Telling you off for doing a stupid pose is hardly narcissistic behaviour.

You sound six not sixty something. Grow up.
i would have been cross too. Sorry not I am just not goofy enough to be your friend

Sorry, OP, I had a narc mother so I get what it’s like, but you were in the wrong here.

Sounds like a you problem.
Act your age, read the room and you will probably be ok at the next get-together.

There’s light hearted and then theres doing a ‘going for a poo’ impression in a family photo where it sounds like many are of an age when it could be their last group photo participation.

Hint - for the next family event make sure you participate like a sensible adult in one cheese grins version before adding any silly poses.

I can see why she'd be irritated and I'm nowhere near 90. You think you're being goofy, it's more like you're being childish.

Your idea of 'goofy' sounds puerile to me.
You are 64 not 12.

Did you manage to get group shots without you doing a toilet pose? If not, I think I’d honestly be a bit irked too as it’s probably ruined the photo for everyone else.

By all means do daft stuff if you want but also make sure everyone’s got other photos they can use too.

In short, not sure your mum owes you an apology.

There's a time and a place op and that wasn't one of them. Let it go.

Have you not realised by the age of 64 that your brother’s 70th Birthday was not about you?

You, honestly, don’t seriously think your actions were remotely OK, surely?

I’m sorry you felt upset but I do think you are overthinking this massively.

Tbh she’s 90. You are the grown up, she’s the frail elder. I’m afraid people tend not to take random things said by very elderly people personally because they assume, rightly or wrongly, that they’re likely to be in pain, tired, distracted, not always hearing everything and even a bit cognitively impaired. I’m not saying that’s always right but if you have a massive flounce because of a single nasty comment by an extremely old lady you will look
a bit silly. Rise above it like the sensible adult in the room that you are.

if I want to be silly, that's 100% my decision as a free individual!

Fair enough, but people don't have to like your version of 'silly'. I imagine pretty much everyone there would've been embarrassed for you.

I honestly thought you were going to say you were 16 not 64.

It's hard to imagine a situation where it would be funny/appropriate for a 64 year old to make a party less boring by pretending to squat for a wee/poo during a family photograph.

What the heck would you chat about? How childish your actions were? And how you will not be behaving like that in photos again?
You would be very lucky to get an invitation to my next birthday party, if I were a member of your family let alone your DM!

You sound self-centred and thoughtless.What an idiotic thing to do at the age of 64! Grow up and start behaving appropriately.

No “chat”, no demand for apology and try and behave like a normal person at her party.

Goodness me.

I would not be requesting a formal apology after the event. Mums treat you like you're 4, however old you are. She is allowed to be pissed off that you're twatting about, you are allowed to be pissed off that she snapped at you. That sounds like a normal relationship.

In answer to your question - you would be unreasonable and I think all the above posts outline why.

Do you remember when the Queen told William off for crouching down to toddler George, when they were on the balcony. No one thought oh poor him being reprimanded - people thought, well fair enough.

It sounds like you were bored as the focus wasn't on you, and so you acted out.
Your mum was probably annoyed you couldn't keep it together for a photo celebrating someone else.
Let it go.
If you want to go the the 90th, go, if not, don't, but it should be on what you want to do, not on what your family will approve of.

Given the age of some of these relatives, you’ve possibly ruined one of the final group photos of these people all together, by dicking about and squatting down to look like you’re taking a shit.

No wonder your mum was irritated.

If you think she is a narcissist then she probably thinks you also have some issues. You both sound like you embarrassed yourselves. But it was a party and we have all done daft things at celebrations . Did you have a lot to drink?. I would except and move on.

@NotAMumTutor
I think it’s difficult here to give advice because we are unsure of what the dynamics actually were.

The fact that you repeatedly called the event “boring”, presume that others may have also found it boring too, admit to being “goofy”.

It sounds a bit like you have a certain type of personality and your mother another.

To be honest with you, I find people who try and inject “fun” into an occasion which I was enjoying perfectly well as was, to be tiresome. This is generally because what they consider an improvement, to me is definitely not.

That said, a family event should be accepting and welcoming to all family members. Your mother should love and accept her daughter for who she is rather than be frustrated and embarrassed by her, which it sounds a bit like what has happened here.

I think that there needs to be a bit of give and take. If this event was a 70th celebration for your brother, I think the important things was if he was enjoying himself.

Have you got form for being a div as it can be quite tiring if you have.