Would I be unreasonable to ask my elderly mum for an apology?

[NotAMumTutor]

It's about me and my elderly mum - she's 90 this year - and how honest I should be with her. Sometimes I just like being a bit off-the-wall/goofy and my brother's 70th was one of those occasions. I did a silly slightly squatting pose in the group photos, which could have suggested going to the loo, but my intention was to mimic letting others behind me be seen (as a joke, as I'm 5 foot nothing). Anyway, the whole event wasn't that fun, just pleasant, and I was feeling a bit bored (having gotten a bit stressed on the way due to time constraints).
So I did the pose, with mum also in the group photo; she's very young for her age - fully able both physically and mentally, and everyone's shocked at her numerical age based on these facts. However, on and off, she reacts to me with signs of contempt (by no means always, as we can spend a pleasant day together - say once every 3 months! - without much conflict... although I do like to speak my mind in response to some of her views... )
Anyway, during the group photoshot (which wasn't in any way 'formal' but just a friendly group activity, probably suggested by a sibling who was also feeling bored!) mum very aggressively (not at all in a jokey or nice way) told me off for striking the silly pose, to which I felt obliged NOT to obey her - I'm nearly 64 for goodness sake!! I just responded by saying I like doing that, and kept my response light-hearted, though feeling that her behaviour towards me was shocking - talking to me as if I was about 4 in front of other people. Nothing was said, but, in my own mind, I think it reflected VERY badly on her character, and not mine at all.
Am I being unreasonable, given that the family will be celebrating her 90th later this year, if I ask her to have a chat with me about this, and hopefully be able to get her to apologise? Or is it reasonable, to expect some sort of apology before I'm obliged to keep it all sweetness for the celebration? The meetup to chat would be just me and her, to avoid embarrasing her in front of anyone (and anyway, they might feel obliged to take her side for an easy life).
Honestly, I think she fits the classic narcissist pattern, as she needs people to fit in with her restricted ideas of behaviour to be 'rewarded' with a pleasant attitude from her in response, and unless this can be resolved, I may end up boycotting the event - but I don't want to take it that far, as I doubt I'd get any support for that stance, and would risk falling out with my whole family for something that wasn't my fault.
I don't feel like I should let her 'get away with' this sort of behaviour and belittle me in such an extreme way! It certainly wasn't a pleasant experience, even though I knew 100% it wasn't me in the wrong - if I want to be silly, that's 100% my decision as a free individual!
Sorry this is sooo long.

"I like to see it being creatively different " eta; missing quote

Childish behaviour in adults is rarely perceived as positively unique or eccentric @NotAMumTutor

Given your difficult upbringing and relationship with these people, your behaviour on this occasion, appears more like an act of emotional regression because you felt stressed or vulnerable at the party?

May be worth exploring?

Doing a slight squat when posing for a group photo shouldn’t be seen as “making other people unhappy by your actions”. She was making a joke about her own height (short). These responses are so wild. The mother told her off and made her unhappy by treating her with contempt - why is this ok?

My mother could be your mother, except mines a bit older. Still drives, climbs ladders to pick her apples, gardens etc and I’ve often detected narcissistic traits so I think she up on that spectrum, almost as up with my ex.
I think being different, a bit silly etc …look forward to it being waved off as eccentric 😁..is fine, until it impacts everyone else at once…like a photo that some might like to have on display..except for the potty poser .
So this time, I’d say she might have had a point, much as it pains me to say it.

otherwise, keep it up. People can be too stuffy these days.

If you can't see it either, there is no point explaining, is there?

She should be asking you for an apology I think

TBH , reading your post I'd be irritated with you and tell you to pack it in being so prat-ish and behave (and I am younger than you and your mother). .

You are considering boycotting because your mum commented not to mess about with the photos? What an overreaction on your part.

You sound extremely childish OP. Your behaviour was more like a teenagers than a mature women. It sounded as though you wanted to upstage York brother at his 70th birthday party with your silly antics.
You were behaving like a child so I don't think your mother was wrong to talk to you as though you were a child . And now you want to make a drama of it at your mother's 90th birthday.
Let it go and focus on giving her a nice time

But not your Mum. You don't give your Mum permission to be who she is?

But she said she was being goofy because she was bored at her brother's 70th birthday party. It was his party not hers and she wanted all the attention. It was a silly pose that would have spoiled the photo

I see you are neurodivergent, I think you both misread the social occasion and overreacted when you were called out on it. Both fairly common neurodivergent traits.
I would absolutely leave it, it is perfectly possible your mum wasn't the only irritated family member during the photo but I would put it behind you and focus on making your mum's birthday about her.
Maybe take some kind of fidget to help with boredom and stress.

Rather than narcissism, it made me think of Rejection Sensitivity, common in ADHD, where perceived or real criticism/rejection has a disproportionately large emotional impact. OP says elsewhere she’s recently diagnosed as neurodivergent, so this may well be the cause. That combined with the boredom and pratting about to amuse herself all rings big adhd-shaped bells, and reminds me of my own mother.

I'm AuDHD, and have to say this whole thread is reminding me once again of how very much I don't fit in.

Hugs, @NotAMumTutor .

They’re just being twats on mumsnet. I highly doubt they’d all be this austere in a similar real life situation.

She's 64. If she was 32 everyone would be called her mum "vile"

No it isn't.

"I did a silly slightly squatting pose in the group photos, which could have suggested going to the loo, but my intention was to mimic letting others behind me be seen (as a joke, as I'm 5 foot nothing)."

Nah, 32 is old enough to know better too.

Put the daffy ditz stuff away for a family photo for an important birthday.

There’s different in a way that only impacts yourself, and there’s different in a way that has a negative impact on others.

It wasn’t your party. It wasn’t a photo of your event. You’re there as a guest. If you can’t meet the expected behaviour standards then you recognise that and you don’t participate in that bit.

Read what you have just copied, she did a squat that looked like she was on the loo
God am just cringing that a woman in her 60s could behave like this

Thanks for you empathic response, amongst a slew of 'tellings off' from the majority on here <3

Just to clarify, I really appreciate people on here responding to my OP. But I think everyone got the 'doing a poo' bit wrong, as that certainly wasn't what I was thinking when I squatted - someone else (friend of the family) pointed it out to me, so that idea originated in her head!

Also, we are generally not a formal family at all, in fact quite the opposite, and my brother's 70th 'do' was very casual (albeit no dancing, as my sister-in-law had a bad leg, or she would have led that for sure).

About mum complaining at me, ok fine, if it's just a fairly mild rebuke, but it was said (as I think I mentioned) in a very aggressive way - which tone she seems to reserve exclusively for me :/

One last comment - if you think a bit of light-hearted self-expression in a fun family setting is wrong at 64 or even 94, then that's your prerogative, but I'll beg to differ! Love to all my neurodiverse buddies x