Would I be unreasonable to ask my elderly mum for an apology?

[NotAMumTutor]

It's about me and my elderly mum - she's 90 this year - and how honest I should be with her. Sometimes I just like being a bit off-the-wall/goofy and my brother's 70th was one of those occasions. I did a silly slightly squatting pose in the group photos, which could have suggested going to the loo, but my intention was to mimic letting others behind me be seen (as a joke, as I'm 5 foot nothing). Anyway, the whole event wasn't that fun, just pleasant, and I was feeling a bit bored (having gotten a bit stressed on the way due to time constraints).
So I did the pose, with mum also in the group photo; she's very young for her age - fully able both physically and mentally, and everyone's shocked at her numerical age based on these facts. However, on and off, she reacts to me with signs of contempt (by no means always, as we can spend a pleasant day together - say once every 3 months! - without much conflict... although I do like to speak my mind in response to some of her views... )
Anyway, during the group photoshot (which wasn't in any way 'formal' but just a friendly group activity, probably suggested by a sibling who was also feeling bored!) mum very aggressively (not at all in a jokey or nice way) told me off for striking the silly pose, to which I felt obliged NOT to obey her - I'm nearly 64 for goodness sake!! I just responded by saying I like doing that, and kept my response light-hearted, though feeling that her behaviour towards me was shocking - talking to me as if I was about 4 in front of other people. Nothing was said, but, in my own mind, I think it reflected VERY badly on her character, and not mine at all.
Am I being unreasonable, given that the family will be celebrating her 90th later this year, if I ask her to have a chat with me about this, and hopefully be able to get her to apologise? Or is it reasonable, to expect some sort of apology before I'm obliged to keep it all sweetness for the celebration? The meetup to chat would be just me and her, to avoid embarrasing her in front of anyone (and anyway, they might feel obliged to take her side for an easy life).
Honestly, I think she fits the classic narcissist pattern, as she needs people to fit in with her restricted ideas of behaviour to be 'rewarded' with a pleasant attitude from her in response, and unless this can be resolved, I may end up boycotting the event - but I don't want to take it that far, as I doubt I'd get any support for that stance, and would risk falling out with my whole family for something that wasn't my fault.
I don't feel like I should let her 'get away with' this sort of behaviour and belittle me in such an extreme way! It certainly wasn't a pleasant experience, even though I knew 100% it wasn't me in the wrong - if I want to be silly, that's 100% my decision as a free individual!
Sorry this is sooo long.

Oh god. You’re one of those “I’m mad, me” types, aren’t you?

This
who wants that on their family photos
id have called you out too!

A 'goofy' 64 year old is not an attractive person.

You ruined photos of a landmark birthday, behaved in what sounds like a profoundly irritating matter and you want an apology for being asked to behave?

No one is a narc, you're a pain in the arse.

I actually thought good on him for getting down to his young child's level to explain and try to make sure he understood.

I thought the Queen was being a distant old fuddy-duddy and William didn't need to be pulled up on it. He was parenting in a way that she seemed totally unable to do when her children were that age.

I'm not sure if it's OK to ask this, but - is this a reverse?

I can understand making a silly pose thinking it's funny for a moment, and if it was a one-time thing your mum probably overreacted. However, you justified it by saying you "like doing that" and say here that you felt compelled to disobey her. But her request that you stop clowning around - while delivered badly - was reasonable as it was in the interest of everyone in the group to get the picture taken, and you responded that you were going to obstruct that goal. Your whole rationale and explanation comes across as very rebellious pre-teen. It's also kind of ironic that you're bothered by her apparent contempt toward you, but your entire description of her is dripping with disdain.

You can speak with her one on one and tell her how you were negatively affected by the way she spoke to you and ask her to be more thoughtful, but unless you acknowledge your role in the conflict I doubt you'll make much progress. Also, why ask her to apologise - if she sees the impact on you and regrets her actions perhaps she will, especially if you apologise for upsetting her too. But if she's not sorry and thinks she did nothing wrong an apology is unlikely and would be pretty useless anyway.

There's a time and a place. Stand up next to your grandmother who is also the Queen and pick your small child up so you can speak to him too. It was the fly past after trooping the colour ffs, not a chd centred sofy play trip.

Your brothers birthday did sound dull though. Hope your Mum’s is more exciting.

When you say she “told you off” what exactly did she say?

Your Mum told you off, you are annoyed about it. This is every parent- child relationship ever. Stop blowing it up into a psychodrama.

Your behaviour was unreasonable. You're the one that should apologize.

That wasn't fun at all, it was a dumb move to ruin photos.

Obviously OP won’t be back 🤣

Also agree.

There is a great video of Chris Martin talking to 100 year old Dick VanDyke about when his 70 odd year son wanted to start the water on the pool slide to go and have some fun on the slide. Chris pointed out that there was about 160 years between them sorting out a pool slide. This post reminds me of that a lot.

150 years between you and you and your Mum having a very typical mother daughter exchange. It is actually quite sweet.

I disagree and don't think it looked out of place. He looked like he was parenting his child.

Obama got down to toddler George's level once in a photo that was released to the public. It was at Kensington Palace I think, just before a formal dinner and George was in his dressing gown ready to go to bed.

When I was very young I remember my parents sometimes getting down to my level.

Absolutely no issue with it at all.

It was unkind and unreasonable of her. I always think though, if you have to ask for an apology then it's never going to mean anything really and it won't change the situation that happened.

You know what she's like. Other people and family will know what she's like and like you said - her reaction reflected badly on her character and not yours. I'm not saying that she should be allowed to 'get away with it' by saying, you know what she's like but there's little you can do to change the behaviour and ingrained narcissism of a 90 year old!

Also other pps have berated you for spoiling a photo - which I think is ridiculous actually! We have lots of family photos at events and there is always someone, or a few people, squatting at the front or lying down to fit everyone in.

It’s pretty normal to expect someone to behave in what you consider a proper way in order for you to be pleasant to them…. Isn’t it? I wouldn’t be pleasant to someone who I was finding annoying in a group photo - I’d tell them to stop it… does that make me a narcissist? Surely its More narcissistic to assume you can be ‘goofy’ and people just have to tolerate your behaviour and still be pleasant even if you’re being annoying… like your ‘fun’ is more important?

The dynamic between you sounds deeply weird — a 64 year old ‘disobeying’? And now wanting an apology for being told off for striking a ‘goofy’ pose in photos because you’d been bored at your brother’s birthday?

I voted to have a chat and let it go on the basis that you apologise to your mum for acting like a prat.
Age is no excuse.

You said she told you off like you were 4 years old.
TBH you were acting like you were 4 years old. Toilet humour in a family photo. Very 4year oldish.

In the words of Taylor Swift, "It's you, you, you're the problem it's you."

I'm a little surprised that in relation to the photo you can't see you were acting out the behaviour you criticise in your Mum (narcissism). It was your Brothers 70th ...you were drawing attention to you rather than taking a nice photo. I can see exactly why your Mum asked you not to hijack the photo.
I don't think your Mum has any need to apologise all this time later

This can’t be serious. If it is I feel secondhand embarrassment just reading about your behaviour @NotAMumTutor.

Well that didn’t go the way the OP expected. I doubt she’ll be back.

And for what it’s worth, you sound pretty annoying.
Your mother is 90. Show her some respect.

You sound like a complete pain in the arse. My sympathies are entirely with your mother