Would I be unreasonable to ask my elderly mum for an apology?

[NotAMumTutor]

It's about me and my elderly mum - she's 90 this year - and how honest I should be with her. Sometimes I just like being a bit off-the-wall/goofy and my brother's 70th was one of those occasions. I did a silly slightly squatting pose in the group photos, which could have suggested going to the loo, but my intention was to mimic letting others behind me be seen (as a joke, as I'm 5 foot nothing). Anyway, the whole event wasn't that fun, just pleasant, and I was feeling a bit bored (having gotten a bit stressed on the way due to time constraints).
So I did the pose, with mum also in the group photo; she's very young for her age - fully able both physically and mentally, and everyone's shocked at her numerical age based on these facts. However, on and off, she reacts to me with signs of contempt (by no means always, as we can spend a pleasant day together - say once every 3 months! - without much conflict... although I do like to speak my mind in response to some of her views... )
Anyway, during the group photoshot (which wasn't in any way 'formal' but just a friendly group activity, probably suggested by a sibling who was also feeling bored!) mum very aggressively (not at all in a jokey or nice way) told me off for striking the silly pose, to which I felt obliged NOT to obey her - I'm nearly 64 for goodness sake!! I just responded by saying I like doing that, and kept my response light-hearted, though feeling that her behaviour towards me was shocking - talking to me as if I was about 4 in front of other people. Nothing was said, but, in my own mind, I think it reflected VERY badly on her character, and not mine at all.
Am I being unreasonable, given that the family will be celebrating her 90th later this year, if I ask her to have a chat with me about this, and hopefully be able to get her to apologise? Or is it reasonable, to expect some sort of apology before I'm obliged to keep it all sweetness for the celebration? The meetup to chat would be just me and her, to avoid embarrasing her in front of anyone (and anyway, they might feel obliged to take her side for an easy life).
Honestly, I think she fits the classic narcissist pattern, as she needs people to fit in with her restricted ideas of behaviour to be 'rewarded' with a pleasant attitude from her in response, and unless this can be resolved, I may end up boycotting the event - but I don't want to take it that far, as I doubt I'd get any support for that stance, and would risk falling out with my whole family for something that wasn't my fault.
I don't feel like I should let her 'get away with' this sort of behaviour and belittle me in such an extreme way! It certainly wasn't a pleasant experience, even though I knew 100% it wasn't me in the wrong - if I want to be silly, that's 100% my decision as a free individual!
Sorry this is sooo long.

This was an incredibly long op, yawn.
’i annoyed my mum doing a silly pose. Am I unreasonable to be annoyed that she’s annoyed?’
Done!

You sound very insensitive @InWithPeaceOutWithStress
This is a 64 year old woman, messing about at her mum's 90th birthday pics.

Although it's not clear if it was on her 90th- OP says she is 90 'this year' (as if it's not happened yet.)

It's what kids do - kids who don't appreciate the hurt is can cause on a special occasion.

'Being goofy' is just immature under the circs.

she's 64 FGS. Squatting like she's on the loo.

Stop referring to women as bitches please.
It's one thing MNHQ take down.

It's not necessary.

Why do you want your Mum to apologise? Because she was irritated because you were goofy?

Shes allowed to have an opinion and express it. You're allowed to be goofy. Although in this particular instance I dont understand why you thought you were being amusing. You sound attention seeking and a bit daft

So......no......imo your Mum has no need to apologise.

It wasn’t a laugh though, laughs only come from things being funny. It ruined what should have been a lovely family photo.

It was attention seeking behaviour and the OP can’t see why that might have annoyed her 90yo mother, to the point that she thinks she’s owed an apology from her mother who simply wants a nice photo without anyone looking like they’re squatting for a poo in it. Not much to ask for when you get to 90.

The OPs attitude is self centred and entitled, without any acknowledgment that her ‘goofy’ behaviour might legitimately annoy other people. I’d she didn’t want to hear she might be wrong, she shouldn’t have brought her issue to MN.

It wasn’t her mums 90th birthday, it was her brothers 70th. The OP did a pose, presumably for about 5 seconds. My family members wouldn’t be rude about something like that, even if they didn’t find it funny. It is contempt from the mother.

“It ruined the photo” - how extreme. More than one photo can be taken.

Did it 'ruin' the photo, though? We're not back in the days of film, whoever took the photo probably snapped it on their phone and took several shots.

I guess it depends on the dynamics, but personally I like it when someone shows a bit of personality in a photo, and it's not just a group of people all standing stick-straight, smiling identically at the camera.

I was recently involved in an extended family photo taken at a celebration event - members aged from early 20s to early 90s. No one decided to be "goofy" and the resulting photos were lovely. Why would you mess about at such an event? Different if it was a drunken set of friends maybe.

Forget about it. People get irritated sometimes - it's not polite or necessary to insist on apologies after the event. In fact, a coerced apology isn't worth having.

If I were asked to guess which was the narc I would say you. You expect to act as you please, in an ‘I’m just doing me’ way and everyone else has to put up with it.

Other people are affected by your behaviour in the photo, you ruin it for them. You are incredibly selfish.

Out out your self-styled ‘goofy’ personality for those you are sure like it. There’s a time and a place for everything.

If other photos were taken then the Mother was unreasonable as she could have kept one of those instead. OP didn’t say that there was that option though, so presumably OP did ruin all the photos.

Yes, it was your choice to be silly and equally every one else in the photo's choice to comment on your visible pose.
You made a very public display.

I would be irritated that you did the pose and more so when you did not stop when asked.
Your mother was frank.
She doesn't owe you an apology.

Your decision is now whether to play a silly prank during the photo at your mother's 90th birthday celebration.

Your mum doesn’t sound like a narc. You sound annoying. You’re 64 and you acted like a primary school aged boy.

Bloody hell OP - your poor mum.

You might think you were being "Goofy" - most other adults would see it as plain childish and annoying.

Another one just popping in to say you sound like an attention seeking brat. And now to be so put out as to expect an apology, due to your ‘joke’ being anoying and immature, is just laughable!! Really, read the room , it sounds like your actions weren’t appreciated and were just embarrassing 🙄😟

Its literally in the OP

You sound incredibly irritating.

Yes, I've got form for being a 'div' (in someone on here's words), or as I like to see it being creatively different 😀

And I struggle trying to "act normal," ( Which was why I disappeared pretty much out of the family life for about forty years , Since they all seemed from my perspective to be judging me), but I have now returned to the area ( Though , I expect someone on here might say I should have stayed away To give everyone an easier life).

I guess even in this era of so called diversity , we still all have to conform or be d***.

Of course , I expected the ageist comments that somebody who's nearly ninety must have cognitive decline and frailty , but I did make a point of specifying that this is not the case with my mother. However, am always very kind to her and considerate for her welfare, And my actions were not intended to harm her in any way. Sometimes when she wants to , she even has a sense of humour herself.

It's interesting that someone commented that mothers can tell their children off throughout their entire lives , and that's okay.

By the way , I had not drunk a drop and I did not intend to look like I was going to the toilet it's just that someone said , that's what I looked like.

Anyway , having asked you all for advice , I will take it and not pursue the matter, partly because she won't change anyway.

Thanks for all your time.

Are you neurodiverse OP?

Got diagnosed recently, but despite this, I just believe in giving everyone permission to be a bit different :)

Yes, I probably am.

Yes, it's quite obvious from your posts that you are.

You can be as 'different' as you like as long as it doesn't mean you make other people unhappy by your actions.

Lack of empathy seems you main downfall.