HUsband hit me this evening

[PinkPanthreess]

Husband hit me 4 times this evening

please tell me there is no going back from this and I need to leave

I'm so sorry you're going through this. The previous posters are right, he needs the full consequence of his actions. For your and your sons' sake.

If you can and can afford to, go to a hotel now. Either that or report him and use the time he is away being questioned to leave.

I would also tell my son, once I was out, plainly “No son. He hit me four times and looked happy about it. That’s what happened and that’s why I’ve left him and will be reporting it to the police. It is never ok to assault someone. Frankly I should have left him years ago as he is horrible to me. But, live and learn. Don’t be like your dad. He’s a bad person. There is no nuance in this issue. It is never ok to assault anyone”.

No going back he needs to leave. Call the police.

OP, I'm not sure that going to live with your Mum for 6 months (if that's what you meant) is a good idea. I can understand that she seems a 'safe house' at this moment.

But what about your son?
You've made a lot of decisions very fast- as you're in shock- but maybe reconsider? If anyone should leave the family home it ought to be your H.

You also have a son(s) who, even though legally an adult, is caught up in this.
If your Mum lives hundreds of miles away (you said it's the same distance as from the Welsh coast to Kent) you will create a distance of hundreds of miles.

And, taking a sabbatical for 6-12 months is perhaps not the best idea given you may need to support yourself before a divorce comes through. Can you afford not to earn for a year? And then what? The family home will presumably be sold and you will incur moving/ buying expenses.

I think you should report your H now, not in a week or more.
You should also ask him to leave and he will have to find somewhere to live.

I agree with PP, don’t make rash decisions now but absolutely do report to police.

How will this work with your sect, will you come across each other at events? I’d be reaching out to the church leaders to explain the situation and ask for support - would that help keep him in check?

If the church had any influence in his behaviour, he wouldn't be a wife beater to start with.

Might be one of those misogynistic sects where the man is allowed to keep his wife in order in whatever way he sees fit?

I think it is shock on his part (and you are in shock too). If he hasn’t hit you in a long time, your DS might not have known, or has forgotten. To see the aftermath of physical violence may be a shock and it may have changed how he sees his father.
He will already know that your STBXH is a bully and probably verbally violent. Even if parents try to hide it, it seeps out, and it is likely STBXH has directed his attention to your DC.

Calling the police makes it real. Right now your DS’ head knows it’s wrong, but his heart and instinct hasn’t caught up with this new reality. So emotionally, he doesn’t want anything to change. The rules and conventions of your sect may also prohibit or at least severely disapprove of couples separating or offering anything except a united front. Thus there may be shame that his family father is not perfect.

All of this is normal, and while it’s important to acknowledge your son’s perspective, it is your decision only. This protects him because he has said not to, and you can say that must and it’s your decision because otherwise his father will do it again, and maybe worse. The responsibility for the actions lies with your STBXH. If he hadn’t hit you, you wouldn’t need to call the police.

I was hit over the head by a man on the Tube and the police were called and they took it very seriously. He was arrested immediately and spent a night in the cells, waking up with no memory of what he had done. He wasn’t prosecuted because they failed to collect the correct CCTV of the carriage. But he was arrested and that shocked him. His husband (who was there) said it was a wake up call for his drinking. I’m telling you this to show that violence against women is being taken seriously. An arrest, or at the very least being questioned at a police station is the minimum he deserves.

I am so sorry your STBXH did this to you. You don’t deserve it. Sending strength and solidarity.

“An arrest, or at the very least being questioned at a police station is the minimum he deserves.”
this!
Did @PinkPanthreess ‘mention that she needs to fix some locks or door because he damaged them? That’s surely proof that he’s been violent don’t fix anything until you have had the police round and taken your words and anyone who witnessed the violence. The little shit needs to face the consequences.

As a Christian myself,I agree with every word of the quoted post.
If the section you are part of is using the Bible to justify his behaviour, they are wrong

Thank you, looking up the book on kindle now to add to my armour

Please leave ASAP and then go to the police. As others have said, this will only escalate.
I survived being shot by a jealous partner, he didn[t.

…did you…did you shoot him back or something?
Sucks to be him xD

Well done for surviving and getting free!

He shot himself. I don[t know how I did it as I was shot 7 times, one bullet went through the pericardium but I went down stairs, called the police, lay down on the floor, told my dog to lie down when EMTs arrived.

Oh my goodness *Didimag48. *

I am so glad you survived. How did you know to do?

How are you doing PinkPanthreess?

Have you.clearly told your son your version of events and that his father is lying

You do need to do that.

💐 glad you are finding your anger.

@PinkPanthreess, my heart deeply hurts for you and the horrendous situation you are currently experiencing, i wish i could hug you til it all got better but i’m praying prayers of strength, healing, peace, comfort and happiness for you that i know will do it for me. he must have a vested interest in her being kept in the circle, she doesn’t sound like a nice person (there seems to be an air of deceit with her) and he wouldn’t know nice if it bit him on the arse so i hope they will be very unhappy together while you heal and thrive at your lovely mother’s. also, if you’re worried about the reaction of the sect, just remember that while he’s hiding his despicable nature with the mr perfect act, they more than likely are nothing like they portray themselves at church and if they judge you for separating/divorcing (or anything else) they are disregarding multiple bible verses, the most religious woman i know divorced her first husband because of similar violence, rightly so. this mn stranger is so very proud of you.

@PinkPanthreess, is everything okay and have you left for your mother’s yet? please let me know you’re safe x

@dogsarebetterthanppl , thank you for your posts. It makes me cry even more that so many people on this thread have felt pain and anguish at the thought of another human being hit.

It was even worse than I actually described here, given that it was 4 separate hits, literally over a period of ten minutes, he almost chased me around the house. Horrific is the only way to describe it. This was no single slap followed by immediate leaving of the scene to get back under control.

My son also has described to me that his father was normal and cheery the same night when he took him out to dinner and a walk by the coast.

I have not yet left to DMs , I need to speak to my boss on Monday first and see how quickly I can leave. I am going for 6 months, it is not a permanent solution - I will at some point have to get my share of the house and assets and find a place of my own.

At almost 50, I wasn't expecting this - but it seems this is my life. There is no going back on this for the sake of the stability and security of staying , as that turned out to be a complete illusion did it not?

I have been sleeping in 19yo DSs room , we have a mattress pulled in onto the floor now - but once the locksmith has been round and installed locks on the guest room door and I feel safe to do so, will sleep there.

Last night I was overwhelmed by just a feeling of sadness, I tried to just sit with it, or lie down with it rather. Feel better this morning. I had seen the criminal's face when I had to go downstairs for a few minutes, and 'it' looked very sad. Maybe has heard from DS that I am leaving and is worried about my money leaving him.

Are you using your income to run the household or do you both contribute equally? Your comment about him looking sad made me wonder. Many men freak out when the woman who cleans the toilet and pays the bills starts checking out of the relationship. Hope you are ok.

Please don't worry @dogsarebetterthanppl and others. I am on my guard now. I wasn't the other day. I will leave very soon.

My younger DS who is 19 is taller and increasingly so, bigger than his dad. And he is now sticking close to me till I leave too.

I pointed out to him to make sure he understood the difference - that whatever his dad is accusing me of, being bitchy in speech to people he likes on that day, for example - if he called the police because I had excluded my female friend from an event on a whatsapp group, he would either be laughed at or be arrested for wasting their time.

On the other hand, if I called the police on what his father had done - it is very likely he would be taken in for questioning. I do have on record with the GP already the earlier incident ( a hard slap) from a decade ago, I did report that one accidentally in a sense even though i did not leave then - so this time he definitely would have been arrested.

Thanks I pay more than 50pc for sure, and I am most definitely the only one who cleans the toilets.....

I am also making arrangements to get the six months of college tuition for my son into the relevant bank account in advance before I leave, so he does not have to depend on his dad for the tuition, I have been paying this.

I am having to ask my DB for short term help to arrange this upfront

Why are you not making your husband leave?

It doesn't seem right that you feel forced to run away to your mum and leave your son behind. he is an adult, legally, but this experience is going to be with him forever. You do have to consider him too because although he's tall and hunky he is still emotionally vulnerable.

Consider how better it would be for his father to be called to account and left to face up to his actions- rather than his mum leaving. It makes out his dad is the one controlling you.

You need to call the police now and report this. Otherwise it will be brushed under the carpet and this man may well go on to do the same again to some other woman.

You sound calmer- but do think about reporting him. You call hin a criminal - make sure that's on record not just a name you use.

Is going to the police now and getting them to remove him now, not a better option for you?

From the moment he hit you, I’d count that as you being separated so you need to speak to a good family lawyer to get that divorce ball rolling too.

I am sorry you’re in this awful position and I think using your anger towards this man will help you move on and away from him more quickly.

Remember: know your worth.