HUsband hit me this evening

[PinkPanthreess]

Husband hit me 4 times this evening

please tell me there is no going back from this and I need to leave

Are you for real!? That's not how that works! There will be marks/bruises on you and even if there aren't, they will still investigate it! I cannot believe you are also allowing your child to dictate to you and for them to justify hitting you! What kind of lesson does it teach them if you don't call the police? Your children's attirudes sound like they will think it's ok to hit their partners, later on in life!

For the sake of showing your children the correct behaviour and standards in life - Phone the bloody police!! You are not the first or last DV victim in this world. The police will also have a team of local services who they will link up with to support you.

I'm sorry you're in such an awful situation, but I would have left the very first time he hit you. This is no good example for children to grow up with. I simcerely hope they do not go on to assault their own partners.

You have your statement of what happened and any bruising that may have been caused. Please report it. You are the one who has been scared and harmed. Your husband should at least be spoken to by the police, otherwise he will think this is acceptable behaviour. And your children should see you reporting it as modelled good behaviour. If they were attacked you would encourage them to report it, so they should support others in the same way. Even if they are shocked and confused now, they should reflect back and realise they should have supported you and and want to see their father be accountable for his actions. It doesn’t mean they have to stop loving their father, they just need to protect the victim not the perpetrator. They aren’t thinking straight, but we are - report him, please.

Am sorry, police and your safety trumps what your children want. It's incredibly important to get this recorded going forward. Even more so because they're blaming you.

Truly sorry you're going through this OP.

Please report this. Your children are just scared and confused. Reporting is part of protecting them.

Don't listen to anyone who tries to say you pushed someone into physically assaulting you.
Please go to the police.
I hope you're at your mum's now?

Call the police. He committed a crime against you. That means that so many people consider his behaviour so morally wrong that the government wrote into law that he can be locked away for doing it. How could you come back from that? He committed a crime against the person he’s meant to protect and love. He has broken the vows he took towards you.

I’m so sorry OP. You need to leave him. If you don’t have funds/a place to go, you can contact Women’s Aid or Refuge and the police. Do you have children?

Doesn't matter. It needs to be logged. It builds case should It happen again in the future. I know you're moving out but still could happen again.
It could also protect someone in the future under Claires Law.

I agree with you. Horrible situation but after domestic violence starts you must get out. So sorry for your situation 🙏

Report. Run. Restart your life.

The time around and shortly after a woman leaves a man can be one of the highest risk times for partner violence and murder.

You 100% need to report it to the police.

Now is the highest risk time for you and your children.

You do need to call the police. It will be helpful evidence for later divorce , housing etc.

Op what did he say if anything before you left,
Dont Understand your daughters reaction to this awful situation your in,
He abused you, he attacked you,

Please dont forgive him,
Please tell the police,

Spend the weekend away planning your exit from your abusive h,

Yes your children have opinions but that's it ' a opinion'

Yes, i was going to say similar, if someone on the street hit you , surely your dc would be encouraging you to call the police? His behaviour is not acceptable in any circumstance. Hugs to you, be strong x

Call the police. Fuck what the kids want, this is nothing to do with them. This is a crime and needs to be treated as one.

Thank you for your kindness everyone who posted. @dogsarebetterthanppl , your post was so kind it made me cry. So much goodness and kindness in the world and we end up staying with a crap person for 25 years, no sense in it.

Trying to get my answers into some semblance of order here....

1. Yes the hitting was triggered yesterday I think by me trying to cut off a woman friend in my group who had gotten very controlling over me. I know he has supported her staying in our circle in the past, I had no reason to suspect an affair - right now, I simply do not care anymore. I never want to see him again, I will never speak a single word to him ever again till my dying day and not even then. He deserves not one single word more. He can go do what he wants, when , with whom. He is dead to me.
2. The woman friend and he had been in touch for various things one of which was planning my 'birthday event', but I had found out and requested it be cancelled as it again involved me spending money for a catered event for my party (per my earlier thread, she had gotten me spending a lot of effort, time and money on things she was wanting done). They are still collaborating together loosely on a couple of things in the Christian sect community we belong to. This is just for context, doesn't matter to me anymore.
3. He has not told our sons (I may have said a different gender earlier to not be outing, I can't remember, in any case the 19yo still at home now, finished high school does local college, is definitely male) that his anger (I think) was due to trying to cut her out of my life as she was draining me, he has tried to tell them it is because the kitchen fridge and freezer needed defrosting as a wire had tripped and instead of helping him with that I had been 'bitching about her friends' the whole day as usual and on netflix - so he had 'lost it for a minute' and pushed me against the kitchen counter and I hurt myself sort of a saga and the rest was my menopause tears (I am almost 50 and menopausal). Thats not what happened, he did strike me 4 times, slap//strike my hands were raised in defence and my arms took the brunt and I slunk down to the floor and cowered
4. I have no bruises
5. I saw the look on his face when I slinked down against the ground begging him to leave me be. He was enjoying it, he looked savage.
6. I was the high earner for most of our marriage. I pay a lot , more than my fair share of the bills, whiles he spends a lot on his hobbies and entertainment, increasingly so lately
7. I had already asked my boss tentatively about a sabbatical from October to April - 6 months to go care for my mother who has been going through feelings of loneliness living alone and hitting 70 this year, I stand to inherit from her and wanted to do this for her for a while now.
8. I can go earlier, I will speak to my boss Monday and start the 6 months as soon as possible. I can also talk about making it a year, I think I can afford that with some planning. During the 6 to 12 months I will decide next steps but I certainly am not going to come back to him
9. I will call and report him once I am at my mother's
10. I have called the locksmith to fix 2-3 locks on the guest bedroom door
11. I slept in 19 yo DS room last night , as there is an extra sofa across from his bed, not comfortable but felt safe. He only came home last night after the event, and his father took him out immediately for dinner and gave his version first.

My mum is about the distance between coastal Wales to the Kentish Coast from here

The criminal has shown no remorse

You're doing great OP. Please be very careful but stick to your guns. xx

Again, is there no help from a community organisation.

Sorry you are going through this.
Christians, eh? Not much love and Christianity going on there, is there?

I think you are doing the right thing. I'm sure you are in a terrible state, but bear in mind there may have to be conversations with him at some point about finances and your children.

From a legal point, it would be much better to report this now, rather than waiting. Reporting this days later may weaken your case against him.
Take advice from Women's Aid- I think someone left a link.

As for your Mum- she's still a young woman! Goodness- some of my friends are late 60s or older and live busy and fulfilling lives. When you said you were going to see her and help I assumed she was late 80s. Maybe if you do stay with her, you can help her make friends, get out, volunteer and build up a life.

Ah Christian sect, no chance.

OP I am a Christian and there should be absolutely no tolerance for violence in any denomination or church.

Your mother may ir mat not need tour help but stop thinking of everyone else before yourself!

And divorce this abuser so he cannot get a y future inheritance.

Yoir children cannoit advise you about what to do be ause they have heard an untrue version of events.

Yes agree re those who said, I need my son to see what happens to men who resort to physical violence against their wives, as much as I need to leave his dad for my own sake.

I had not realised that this criminal's verbal abuse and misogny and belittling had been getting normalised and internalised to this extent by son.

I expected a lot more shock, unless this numb reaction is shock by a 19yo

I feel in shock too still

Why would a 70 year old need care?