Am I overthinking my son's attitude to relationships? He broke up with his gf because he got bored with her

[ellyy]

I'm not looking to excuse my son, and I'm genuinely trying to work out the best way to handle this.

My son is 16. He's a very happy, carefree, outgoing boy. Today, his girlfriend's mum called me to say he'd made her daughter cry. Apparently, he told her he was bored with the relationship and wanted to break up. Her mum said the issue wasn't that he ended the relationship, but the way he did it, with very little thought for her daughter's feelings.

I apologised that she'd had to deal with that and said I'd speak to him, but I haven't yet because I'm not sure what I should say.

What worries me is that this isn't the first time. In the last 16 months, this is his fourth girlfriend. He tends to date someone for two or three months, then ends it and seems completely unaffected. Today, after the breakup, he just went off to play tennis as if nothing had happened.

For comparison, I have two daughters (18 and 15). When my older daughter had her first breakup, she cried for a week. So seeing my son seemingly not flinch at all is something I struggle to understand.

My younger daughter also showed me a screenshot of his ex's Instagram story calling him a "skirt chaser," which obviously isn't nice either.

I know teenagers date, and I don't expect every relationship to last. I'm also not expecting him to stay with someone just to avoid hurting them. But I do want him to learn empathy and understand that how you end a relationship matters just as much as the decision itself.

So, how would you approach this conversation? Would you treat it as a normal part of teenage dating, or would you be concerned about the apparent lack of empathy? I'd really appreciate advice, especially from parents of teenage boys.

I think there is a problem with his attitude and girls are now noticing how he’s picking up girls for a short time and then dumping them. This is why the ex labelled him a skirt chaser. He’s chasing but not hanging around for long because he’s not interested in them as people. Not only is it self centred, it might be bad news in the future when a young woman is very keen on him and heaven forbid, pregnant. He’d be off like a shot.

It’s an issue that he has no feelings for the girls and is happy to keep chasing but there’s no commitment - he’s not even pleasant! Hopefully possible girlfriends are noticing this trait and will stay clear. In the meantime, the op does need to chat to him about his reputation and what good manners means. At the moment girls seem like toys that you discard because you will get another one pretty easily. It’s not attractive.

Very teenage, but not a good sign I think. My brother was like this and grew up to have very little respect for women.
He has had many relationships, and 2 children but none of the relationships lasted more than 2 or 3 years, many far less.
I would talk to your son , because if this continues he is unlikely to have good relationships.

I don’t believe many 16 year olds are going to be listening to their mums advice about kindness and respect when it comes to relationships. I doubt many want to go anywhere near that topic. I should think the opinions of their friends and peers holds far greater weight. I also think he should expect a bit of push back either online or in person from the girls friendship groups which may feel a bit antagonistic towards him ( I certainly would be if he was a shit to my friend ). I think “ skirt chaser” might be mild as far as insults go

I agree he could have been kinder. 16 yr old boys are immature but its worth reminding him an insulting comment can stay with someone.

I got dumped at 15 for being ‘flat chested’. I’ve long forgiven the boy who dumped me, but sadly the hang up about my boobs remains.

I also got dumped at 16 by a few boys, can’t remember why now but definitely no insults. Was naturally upset for a few days but no lasting damage there.

Not sure they really listen at that age though. I think he will need to get dumped himself or rejected first before he realises how you treat someone matters.

I mean is he dating them for a few months then dumping them after intimacy? If yes, then that’s not great. The only reason I’m saying that is it would make the skirt chaser comment make a bit more sense. It does seem a bit odd to me, and if it persists I’d maybe have a few questions.

I'm sure someone will have said this, but it could be about sex. Either the GFs aren't indulging enough for him (or at all), or once he has had sex with them, he wants to try another girl.

Could he be a porn user, who's looking around to fulfil an unrealistic idea of sex in his head? I hope he hasn't been overly exposed to the manosphere; he is arguably objectifying girls but that could just be down to his age.

I agree that you need to tell him straight how to treat people.

Does he have a decent dad/man who could talk to him?

Why is he dating in the first place? Do they get intimate?

So he wasnt happy, was honest with her and ended it. He didnt mistreat her or do the guy thing of being less good until you break up with him.... he did the right thing, well done to him

Skirt chaser always means a man / boy who wants a “good time” but a non committed relationship and moves from girl to girl without looking back. They like the chase, then get bored and move on to the next conquest. The description probably fits here and yes, there are more derogatory terms that could be used! Possibly will be if he keeps doing this and no relationship lasts more than a couple of months. Why does he get bored with the girls? Are they not compliant with what he wants from them? It might be “honest” to not stay with them but it could be he’s too demanding.

So, you accepted your daughters cried when their relationships ended but it’s not right that his ex cried? Crying is normal. There’s no way they won’t be upset, however he says it. Her mother has to accept it as you do.

The point of dating is to find out if you like each other enough, have enough in common to keep seeing each other.
So if one is bored, then it’s over. Quite rightly.
He’s good looking enough to leave a swathe of broken hearts lol..teenage angst at its best.
Word will get round the girls. Some won’t want him…some will hope they will be the special one. That’s teenagers.

let him be . It will all balance out as they all grow up and their brains mature

He's 16. It's fine to end a relationship after a couple of months. But he should try to be kind. Tricky conversation to have as his mum though. But given that the girl's mum has raised it, I think I would have a gentle word. He may not realise how much he upset her.

He is 16 and learning about relationships. He decided it had run its course and told her that. Albeit not using the most tactful of words but again, he is 16.

Next time round, it could be him being dumped and finding out how it feels.

We don’t know what he said or how he said it, just third hand from the mum of an upset teenager who could easily be overstating the “bored” part.

but yeah, let’s call him horrible

i cant see he’s done much wrong tbh

OP got bored of this thread too

Completely agree. What an ugly way to treat people he is also presumably shagging. Really sounds like he views them as something to do. Literally telling someone you’re bored with them is unfiltered baby behaviour you expect at six not sixteen, so where’s he getting it from.

A few issues here. Why are the parents mediating a teen breakup? Sounds like being over involved. No idea why her mum called you to say her daughter was upset. OK, if you met in passing and it came up but to call? Would you have called her if she dumped him and he was upset? Would you have called her mum if she rejected him and he was upset? Almost certainly not. Would you speak to your daughter about a boy she dumped or rejected if you heard he was upset by it?

If there is anything here you could get from this is seeing if he will talk to you about what was going on. It would be nice if you had a sense of what was happening in his life, like was the mothers od behaviour reflective of the daughters behaviour? Was he bored or was there something that put him off and he was softening the blow? But this is about you connecting with your son rather than acting on behalf of the other mum.

As for being upset he is described as a “skirt chaser” he is a hormonal teen boy who is apparently very good at getting girls, he will keep pursuing girls until he finds one he really likes or gets hurt himself and gets more discriminating. You could mention it probably is better to try and be as sensitive as possible at a breakup as vengeful responses can be a problem.

It would be better if people were better at either breaking up and also rejecting people in a way that is honest but minimises the upset. That likely only develops through experience. If he knew to be clearer during the relationship how invested he was (apparently not very), be tactful at ending it, perhaps being clearer about the reason for the break up if she wants to know more later. But you don’t get that with most fully developed adults, so expecting a 16 year old to do it is crazy.

He’s 16, no big deal. Maybe have a word with him about being a little more diplomatic in future but sounds like an overly emotional teenage girl enjoying the drama. And the mother contacting you is insanely OTT.

Wow, that escalated quickly.

This is a normal teen break up. We don’t really know what he is like, only a 3rd hand account from the Mum based upon what stuck in her daughters head the most. Even if he was callous when breaking up with her that is the only fault, and not really “treating girls like shit.”

As she used the term “skirt chaser” I suspect he is not sleeping with all of these girls and dropping them as that would probably get him described as an “f-boy” rather than something which I can remember people being described as.

Having a transient, weeks long relationship at 16 and ending it clumsily isn’t a terrible crime.

I would speak to my son about empathy for someone else when ending a relationship. Certainly he doesn't have to stay with any girl longer than he wants, but saying you're bored (of her essentially) isn't the nicest way to end things.

As the description use was “skirt chaser” I suspect we are not talking about “notching up shags.”

A 16 year old buy is not trying to have sex “for his ego.” Teens are just a bundle of hormones.

We are just looking at a description of a clumsy wording for a break up, we don’t need to over analyse here.

The outrageous part is the girl’s mum! This happened to someone I know - the girl’s mum was furious about her dd being dumped and turned up at friend’s door demanding they got back together!

At 16 dumping and being dumped is normal! I remember using the pathetic excuse of, “Sorry, Andy, I’ve got loads of homework and won’t be able to go out for weeks..” Not!!

Quite a lot of assumptions there.
You assume they are shagging, not necessarily true at 16.
You assume that the girl's mother is telling the truth.
You assume the girl told the mother the truth.

He also apparently said that he was bored of the relationship, not of the girl. It's ok to be bored at 16.

Keep out of your teenage kids relationships. They often end in tears but thats life. They need to work it out for themselves

Do 16 year olds really call people who date around "skirt chasers"?

I very much doubt it.