Am I overthinking my son's attitude to relationships? He broke up with his gf because he got bored with her

[ellyy]

I'm not looking to excuse my son, and I'm genuinely trying to work out the best way to handle this.

My son is 16. He's a very happy, carefree, outgoing boy. Today, his girlfriend's mum called me to say he'd made her daughter cry. Apparently, he told her he was bored with the relationship and wanted to break up. Her mum said the issue wasn't that he ended the relationship, but the way he did it, with very little thought for her daughter's feelings.

I apologised that she'd had to deal with that and said I'd speak to him, but I haven't yet because I'm not sure what I should say.

What worries me is that this isn't the first time. In the last 16 months, this is his fourth girlfriend. He tends to date someone for two or three months, then ends it and seems completely unaffected. Today, after the breakup, he just went off to play tennis as if nothing had happened.

For comparison, I have two daughters (18 and 15). When my older daughter had her first breakup, she cried for a week. So seeing my son seemingly not flinch at all is something I struggle to understand.

My younger daughter also showed me a screenshot of his ex's Instagram story calling him a "skirt chaser," which obviously isn't nice either.

I know teenagers date, and I don't expect every relationship to last. I'm also not expecting him to stay with someone just to avoid hurting them. But I do want him to learn empathy and understand that how you end a relationship matters just as much as the decision itself.

So, how would you approach this conversation? Would you treat it as a normal part of teenage dating, or would you be concerned about the apparent lack of empathy? I'd really appreciate advice, especially from parents of teenage boys.

Oh my god. He’s a child. I was still breaking up with blokes for that reason in my 20s.

Hopefully you had the tact to not tell them.

The issue isn't that he's breaking up with people. It's that he is doing it callously.

Is it that much worse than ‘not feeling it any more’ as another poster has suggested as an alternative? They seem pretty similar to me. Whatever you say, breaking up means you are bored with the relationship (especially when it is a young relationship which will never go anywhere).

I admire his honesty in giving a clear message, so his ex isn’t looking for ways to get back together. So much better than ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ or any other random excuse. Or, even worse, unfaithfulness or duplicity.

And all parents need to stay well out of it. Let them grow up and make their mistakes and learn.

So do you think a 16-year-old should only be looking to have long term serious relationships with a view to moving in together one day?

And do you think people - of any age - are somehow obliged to continue in relationships that aren’t working for them?

It’s very normal for people to date someone for a few months and then realise they’re not really feeling it.

If someone posted on here and said “I’m a 45 year old woman and I’ve been dating someone for three months. Our early dates were great and I thought we’d have a connection but three months in and I just feel a bit… bored. I don’t enjoy seeing him any more and I can’t see it going anywhere. But I know if I dump him he’ll probably be gutted. What should I do?” everyone would say “Dump him, it’s not working for you, you’re really not obliged to continue a relationship with someone just because they’re into you. You’ve only been seeing him three months! It’s not like you’ve been married for 20 years.” Nobody would say “OMG, you’ve been using him, that’s awful”.

So I’m not sure why a teenage boy is more obliged than an adult woman to slog it out while feeling bored and resentful.

Short relationships are completely normal at that age. Yes, sometimes people will be upset when they’re dumped. But that’s life.

Yes but there's a nice way to end things, with respect.

Couldn’t agree more!

Come on, this is the modus operati for his age. Hes finding that if he treats women like crap they will keep coming back for more. You cant tell him to be, shudder, nice and respectful.

Hes found a formula that works for him. You can't solve his fallouts, they are all part of his no doubt charm.

Bad boys are always catching their eye.

Jesus, he's 16. He didnt say she was boring, he said he was bored of the relationship with her - which is exactly how it should be at 16.

He'll learn humility when someone breaks his heart and she'll learn some resilience....or maybe not with her mother calling you up. I think I'd have died if my mother did that!

Totally agree with this ,Some of the comments are ridiculous on this thread .He hasn’t done anything wrong .

It’s 8 weeks which is nothing at all really.

Obviously he can get girlfriends, maybe he really was bored of the situation and they were incompatible. Her Mother called you? That is so embarrassing.

I didn’t even tell my parents I was dating, I still think my Dad thought that DH was my first BF ever at age 30.

Nobody ever said to me “I’m not feeling it anymore”, if they did, they would have got a “you’re fucking right you’re not!”.

Say nothing, the mother should not have called, she should teach her daughter some resilience.

Right. Go you, how does that impact on the ops teenage child’s behaviour.

My brother was similar, then at 18 he went to uni and met a girl he adored, they’re still together 14 years on, married and with 4 kids. Your son might not do this, but my point is that it’s totally normal and when he does really like someone he won’t dump them.

I cant believe her Mum called you! He should be allowed to leave relationships that he doesnt want to be in at 16. She was likely to have been dramatic about it however he phrased it.

He should be allowed to leave relationships that he doesnt want to be in at 16.

Nobody has said otherwise. Just that he could be more considerate about how he ends the relationship.

He could have ended it without insulting her.

Got second hand embarrassment from his GF mum phoning you 🤦‍♀️

Good Lordy

I had a similar pattern of ‘relationships’ in my teens. The relationships were short-lived and it was usually me that finished them- and almost always because I’d got bored. I certainly never told them about the boredom when I broke up with them though! I would make up some sort of platitude like I want to concentrate on my studies or spend more time with my friends or whatever.

The reason isn’t the problem. He didn’t just break up with her, he insulted her too. He had no consideration for her feelings at all. It was unnecessarily cruel. Her mother may have been out of line, but OP needs to teach him right now that his behavior was not okay, or he will continue to be a self-centered twat.

I don't think he's done anything wrong personally.

Good on him.

Well, that’s just odd.

Although I think it's weird for the mum to have called you, I would want to know if my son was treating girls badly. I think it is my role to teach my children empathy and kindness, the way he is so cavalier about breaking up seems unkind and not very emotionally intelligent.

If raise it in the sense that X's mum called and she's very upset, while you don't have to stay in a relationship that you don't want to be in, do you think the way on which you broke up could have contributed to her upset? How would you feel of someone did that to you? Etc.

We need to ensure our son's are emotionally aware and treat women and girls with respect.

I'm beginning to wonder if the OP has got bored and left the thread.

That mum is batshit. 16yos are allowed to say they're bored and break up. Her DD needs to not invest in dumb youth too much. Parents need to leave them be.