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Original poster

Am I overthinking my son's attitude to relationships? He broke up with his gf because he got bored with her

131 replies

ellyy · 04/08/2026 16:27

I'm not looking to excuse my son, and I'm genuinely trying to work out the best way to handle this.

My son is 16. He's a very happy, carefree, outgoing boy. Today, his girlfriend's mum called me to say he'd made her daughter cry. Apparently, he told her he was bored with the relationship and wanted to break up. Her mum said the issue wasn't that he ended the relationship, but the way he did it, with very little thought for her daughter's feelings.

I apologised that she'd had to deal with that and said I'd speak to him, but I haven't yet because I'm not sure what I should say.

What worries me is that this isn't the first time. In the last 16 months, this is his fourth girlfriend. He tends to date someone for two or three months, then ends it and seems completely unaffected. Today, after the breakup, he just went off to play tennis as if nothing had happened.

For comparison, I have two daughters (18 and 15). When my older daughter had her first breakup, she cried for a week. So seeing my son seemingly not flinch at all is something I struggle to understand.

My younger daughter also showed me a screenshot of his ex's Instagram story calling him a "skirt chaser," which obviously isn't nice either.

I know teenagers date, and I don't expect every relationship to last. I'm also not expecting him to stay with someone just to avoid hurting them. But I do want him to learn empathy and understand that how you end a relationship matters just as much as the decision itself.

So, how would you approach this conversation? Would you treat it as a normal part of teenage dating, or would you be concerned about the apparent lack of empathy? I'd really appreciate advice, especially from parents of teenage boys.

OP posts:
SupaStah · 04/08/2026 17:28

Seems completely normal for 16, at least he broke up with her (as much as it hurt her which is obviously horrible but not his responsibility) rather than just cheating on her first and stringing her along.
I think it’s more unhealthy for a 16 year old to be in an extremely serious long term relationship at that age.

likeitshard · 04/08/2026 17:28

He’s not really done anything wrong except he could have been more tactful. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. If there’s an opportunity to talk to him and your dd about relationships ending generally I’d do it but not a specific chat.

LejlaKapovic · 04/08/2026 17:28

I don't understand all the comments in this thread condoning this awful behaviour. If nobody pulls this boy up on it now it'll become a behaviour that's natural and normal to him, and he will continue to use women and discard them like trash as an adult. He clearly has no respect for women and he will only get worse if nobody talks to him.

I find it funny that so many single women on Mumsnet keep starting threads complaining and asking "where all the good men are". Well, if your attitude is that a boy shouldn't be pulled up on treating girls like shit - and as early as possible - how can you expect the boys to turn out well? If you want good men, bloody raise them! People haven't raised boys well for decades, and we're seeing society slowly crumble for it.

Fifthtimelucky · 04/08/2026 17:29

I also think it’s pretty normal for a 16 year old.

SupaStah · 04/08/2026 17:31

*forgot to add- at 16 he is a walking bundle of hormones! As a mum of both boys and girls, I understand her mum is feeling protective but frankly to call you is batshit and shows they’re not old enough for a relationship if mummy has to get involved (barring actual issues like abuse etc obviously goes without saying!)

category12 · 04/08/2026 17:34

What's his attitude to women and girls generally? I'd be worried if he is into the misogynistic manosphere stuff at all.

If there's no sign of that, probably worth getting his side of it - maybe he felt he had to be unpleasant to get her to listen.

outerspacepotato · 04/08/2026 17:36

His relationships are fairly superficial and that's ok. He's 16. He doesn't have to stay in a relationship when he doesn't want to.

It's not them, it's him and it's ok to have multiple GFS and not want to be tied down or in a serious relationship. Let him know there's ways to break up rather than an abrupt you're boring, goodbye, if that's even true.

I would check to see he's not love bombing them and promising what he can't deliver, but other than that, most teen relationships end. Tell the other parent that her expectations that you involve yourself in his dating are unreasonable as long as he's practicing safe sex. What does she expect you to do?

OttersOnAPlane · 04/08/2026 17:37

He's a kid, he doesn't know how to break up tactfully.

If you're the one being dumped, yes, maybe you cry for a week. If you're the one dumping, there aren't any tears to shed - you get the freedom you wanted. So why would he be upset?

The girl's mother should DEFINITELY not have phones you. Of course he's made her cry, he dumped her! Rejection sucks.

Tell him it's smart to let people down with class and consideration. Life is long; you never know who will remember how you treated them. "I'm sorry, Ella, it's just not working out for me. You're a great person but I'm not going to put in the effort you deserve."

UpDownAllAround1 · 04/08/2026 17:39

i’d just let him know you are around if he wants to talk about it. This is all very normal and he needs to learn himself about relationship endings. Also if relevant let his father know

Culpeper · 04/08/2026 17:42

Wow. Leave him to it. He’s 16. If he wants to talk about it, he will. The other mum should not have been involving you at all.

Pleasedontdoitagain · 04/08/2026 17:47

Sounds perfectly normal to me.
He's only 16 for heaven's sake. Not even an adult.
Much much better than getting embroiled in a serious relationship when he is still discovering who he is as a person.

Boreded · 04/08/2026 17:48

I don’t see the problem. I definitely do not understand why the mum has messaged, I find that a bit mental.

I think we should be clear with our teens and young adults that whilst they are in early stage relationships it is ok to realise that they are not right and to walk away before you have ties.

The last thing a couple need is to stay together out of some sense of duty when they aren’t right for each other, and then realise they should have parted once it is too late and they have children and a mortgage.

If your partner doesn’t add anything to your life, then you shouldn’t be with them, and it is a sign of respect to each other to call it a day before it goes on too long and is too difficult to unpick. However, I say that because conversely I do think that relationships aren’t all hearts and flowers, and if you do make a commitment to marriage or children then you need to do what you can to make things work…but before you get that far, you have the opportunity to call it a day more easily.

Pedant61 · 04/08/2026 17:50

At 16, it's not a relationship, he's just been out with a girl a few times. Think of the alternative, OP..... a young man obsessed with a "partner", too serious, not working at school, and getting far too involved at a young age. I think the current situation is preferable!

VestibuleWeaver · 04/08/2026 17:54

LejlaKapovic · 04/08/2026 17:28

I don't understand all the comments in this thread condoning this awful behaviour. If nobody pulls this boy up on it now it'll become a behaviour that's natural and normal to him, and he will continue to use women and discard them like trash as an adult. He clearly has no respect for women and he will only get worse if nobody talks to him.

I find it funny that so many single women on Mumsnet keep starting threads complaining and asking "where all the good men are". Well, if your attitude is that a boy shouldn't be pulled up on treating girls like shit - and as early as possible - how can you expect the boys to turn out well? If you want good men, bloody raise them! People haven't raised boys well for decades, and we're seeing society slowly crumble for it.

Edited

What rubbish. He got bored of the relationship, ended it, and explained why. How on earth is this awful behaviour?

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 04/08/2026 17:54

Is he actually looking for a girlfriend or is he notching up shags to build his ego / reputation with the lads?

He could be a heavy porn user / fallen down the manosphere and be incapable of perceiving girls & women respectfully. He therefore wouldn’t feel sad about a break up and would have no qualms of telling them he’s bored of them (which is very harsh).

Fullydisgruntled · 04/08/2026 17:55

I disagree. You don't treat people like shit.

I would tell him that.

Absolutely break up with as many girls as you like, but be respectful and kind and don't behave like a dickhead. It's not even hard, "I'm really sorry, you are a really nice person and I have enjoyed hanging out with you, but this isn't working out for me and it's not fair to string you along."

It's revolting to treat young girls as playthings that you can simply drop when you are bored. Show some bloody respect!

Megifer · 04/08/2026 17:55

likeitshard · 04/08/2026 17:28

He’s not really done anything wrong except he could have been more tactful. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. If there’s an opportunity to talk to him and your dd about relationships ending generally I’d do it but not a specific chat.

In fact yea op at a push i might say something like "bloody hell DS you could have said you just didnt think it was working out or something 🙄" but i definitely wouldn't be making him feel like crap or sitting him down for a long chat about it all.

Although, would i give different advice to a DD? Yes id probably say to just be honest in case he doesn't accept it or keeps banging on about how he'll change etc.

Also, the mum is so weird to call you about it that does make me think perhaps the DD might be similar level of strange, so maybe he was right to be blunt! 🤷‍♀️

ForTipsyFinch · 04/08/2026 17:56

Saying he was bored is very unkind.

I am surprised so many posters have no issues with this. Such little emotional intelligence shouldn’t ever be considered normal.

Daygloboo · 04/08/2026 17:58

ellyy · 04/08/2026 16:27

I'm not looking to excuse my son, and I'm genuinely trying to work out the best way to handle this.

My son is 16. He's a very happy, carefree, outgoing boy. Today, his girlfriend's mum called me to say he'd made her daughter cry. Apparently, he told her he was bored with the relationship and wanted to break up. Her mum said the issue wasn't that he ended the relationship, but the way he did it, with very little thought for her daughter's feelings.

I apologised that she'd had to deal with that and said I'd speak to him, but I haven't yet because I'm not sure what I should say.

What worries me is that this isn't the first time. In the last 16 months, this is his fourth girlfriend. He tends to date someone for two or three months, then ends it and seems completely unaffected. Today, after the breakup, he just went off to play tennis as if nothing had happened.

For comparison, I have two daughters (18 and 15). When my older daughter had her first breakup, she cried for a week. So seeing my son seemingly not flinch at all is something I struggle to understand.

My younger daughter also showed me a screenshot of his ex's Instagram story calling him a "skirt chaser," which obviously isn't nice either.

I know teenagers date, and I don't expect every relationship to last. I'm also not expecting him to stay with someone just to avoid hurting them. But I do want him to learn empathy and understand that how you end a relationship matters just as much as the decision itself.

So, how would you approach this conversation? Would you treat it as a normal part of teenage dating, or would you be concerned about the apparent lack of empathy? I'd really appreciate advice, especially from parents of teenage boys.

If he is having sex with all these girls I would be a little concerned that it's setting up a slightly ugly approach to women. I dont remember ppls relationships being quite so short when I was 16. And thinking of the kids I know now, I also cant think of boys going through girls at quite that rate. He might very well be turning into a skirt chaser.

SignsofLife · 04/08/2026 17:58

I remember my son's first girlfriend breaking up with him at that age and how devastated he was. Kindness and consideration is just basic manners. For either sex being told someone is bored with them is very upsetting. I would have a chat about feelings and respect . He needs to realise that even if he's not upset or bothered, the other person may be.

Hatty65 · 04/08/2026 18:00

It's perfectly normal for a 16 year old. I'd speak to him about ending things more kindly - perhaps that he just isn't feeling it any more rather than 'he's bored with her' but apart from that leave it be.

Mischance · 04/08/2026 18:01

It is odd that girl's mum contacted you. Her job is to comfort her DD.

In reality no-one knows what was actually said.

Your DS is right to end a relationship that he sees no future in .... at that age relationships are often transient.

What you perhaps need to do is to reiterate information about contraception and also mention the need to be kind and respect others' feelings and how to end a relationship gently.

Boreded · 04/08/2026 18:03

VestibuleWeaver · 04/08/2026 17:54

What rubbish. He got bored of the relationship, ended it, and explained why. How on earth is this awful behaviour?

Show quote history

I wouldn’t reply to this poster. She always comments with distain for any male.

itsgettingweird · 04/08/2026 18:04

He’s 16.

His ex GF mum is far too involved.

We often say you need no reason to leave a relationship and so realising it doesn’t fulfill you and ending it before it develops too far is actually quite mature.

Again - they are 16. Effectively they are just experimenting with feelings at this age and preparing for the adult world of relationships.

and as you noted - girls this age can be rather dramatic when a few month relationship ends!

Wish4rain · 04/08/2026 18:32

I broke up with a few boyfriends because i got bored with them when i was much younger.

And 2 when i was in my early 30s plain and simple i got bored with them.