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Original poster

Boyfriend wants a month-long break after five and a half years

277 replies

BeEdgyDenimCat · 29/07/2026 14:59

My (25F) boyfriend (25M) has abruptly ended a 5 year relationship and turned it into a ‘break’ for a month…

For context, we have had a really healthy happy relationship for so many years. We met in uni, and have grown together and are doing the same career. We live separately at the moment because we are still young and in no rush to start a future together, we are both happy with this arrangement.

We have been slightly disconnected for a few months. Disagreements about emotional needs not being met etc and he is not the worlds most fantastic communicator, but I am relatively secure so I haven’t relied on this heavily.

Recently, we had some really tough conversations and toyed with the idea that this perhaps isn’t right for us right now. However, after those tough conversations, we had three weeks where we went from strength to strength and were having a fantastic relationship. This gave me renewed confidence in our connection and ability to make it through tough times. Then, after a week on holiday, he decided that he needed a month to consider whether this was right for him. In his words ‘is our relationship defined by the period of it being down or the periods when it is up?’. This has confused and concerned me, because surely I see it as looking forward and working through things.

I am now in a limbo free fall for all of August whilst essentially my fate is decided by my boyfriend, who I am on a break with, and is now being quite cold on messages because he ‘needs space’. Of course I respect the space, but this is obviously anxiety inducing and I am not sure what to make of it? It seems like I am more committed to this than he is.

OP posts:
Soreenmaltloaf23 · 29/07/2026 15:37

I remember a friend who never moved with her boyfriend when he got a new job, even though he moved nearer where she grew up and her family. I said at the time they wouldn't last and they didn't. She met someone else and moved with him. I would have moved anywhere with my boyfriend (now husband) at that age.
I do think the not wanting to live together is quite a message from you both.
Move on to something better and more secure. How will you really feel if he comes back after the break? Will you still be waiting to see if he needs another break at some point?

ScorpionLioness79 · 29/07/2026 15:37

Mature people who truly care will work with you to resolve issues. They don't need distance from you like you're toxic fumes.

My guess is that he believes that there will be less drama in a breakup after a month's distance, when you have gotten more used to being without him. It's his cowardly way of delaying his plan.

You're too close to the situation to see his bad sides, since you care. When you get some time and distance away from him, you will likely stop viewing him through your rose-colored glasses. And recent behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. He did this to you once, so even if he returned, expect the same from him again. He will have seen his poor behavior wasn't a dealbreaker, so why should he improve?

Franjipanl8r · 29/07/2026 15:38

Bin him. Good relationships aren’t this hard.

Dentisttoday · 29/07/2026 15:38

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TickedOffAndALittleFedUp · 29/07/2026 15:38

He suspects the grass is greener elsewhere and wants to find out without actually cheating on you. Don't be a stand by, he's telling you it's not working for him so don't wait until you've bought a house or had a baby before he decides he'd like another taste of freedom

Gemilo · 29/07/2026 15:38

I would call it a day. Things aren't right and you aren't even living together. You are young. It isn't fair for you to be waiting a whole month for him to deliberate whether you come up to scratch. Bid him goodbye and move on.

Gateappreciation · 29/07/2026 15:38

This is make or break time, ie marriage or a break-up, and sadly, it looks like the latter. After being together for so long, he’s evaluating his future and what he wants.

However, you need to take control of your narrative. I guess you thought it was ‘happy ever ending’ with him, but this has thrown a spanner in the works, and his version of the future may not be the same as yours.

Had you started thinking about living together, saving for a deposit etc? if so, maybe this scares him, the commitment and being tied down. It can cause friction if one wants to settle, and the other wants to travel etc.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 29/07/2026 15:39

'We have been slightly disconnected for a few months. Disagreements about emotional needs not being met etc and he is not the worlds most fantastic communicator, but I am relatively secure so I haven’t relied on this heavily.'

It's over.

Don't have him back on 1st September

ItWasntMyFault · 29/07/2026 15:40

Dump him. It sounds like he wants to try someone else for the summer…

But don’t sit around getting upset, get out with your friends and have a good time. He doesn’t get to call all the shots.

HoppityBun · 29/07/2026 15:40

I don’t think he’s necessarily found someone else, but you’ve been together a long time and you’re both still quite young.
He might be feeling a bit suffocated.
He might want out and think this is the easiest way.
He might want to just be on his own because he’s not really experienced that.
He might fundamentally not in fact feel that you have a “really healthy happy relationship”.

username2185 · 29/07/2026 15:40

I think you have two options, you break it off with him if he can’t give you clarity, a month is a long time.. being in limbo is an awful place to be.

or you ride it out and try get on with your life, again hard when you’re ‘waiting’ on him.

Do you think he’s trying to let you down gently? In my opinion this is cruel.

I’ve been here sadly, although he did break it off, but then I had months of bread crumbs and him wanting to keep the door half open, I wish I had been firmer back then.

You likely won’t feel the same about him after this either, there will always be that doubt in your mind.

Dentisttoday · 29/07/2026 15:40

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principalskinna · 29/07/2026 15:40

If it's right, it's not hard. This sounds like it's really hard.

paralinno · 29/07/2026 15:41

"Having/Needing a break" is a euphemism for not wanting to see you anymore, and the person saying it is too cowardly to just end the relationship.

I wouldn't waste another minute here. You are 25, the world's your oyster, and you know, you will always wonder if he is going to do this again - if he comes back after leaving you dangling that is.

Nope. Off you go and start again, and enjoy the dating scene and have lots of fun aswell. 😊

violetpixiedust · 29/07/2026 15:41

A one month break while he decides whether he wants to be with you? And what’s he going to be doing during this break? Living like a single man? No thank you, if someone did this to me I wouldn’t want them as a partner. I want someone who doesn’t need time out to decide if they actually like me. I’d be suspicious of this, is there anyone else involved?

Either way you’re not in limbo - you get a choice too. You don’t have to accept this and wait for his decision to determine your future.

It’s ok for couples to sometimes need a bit of space but this is taking the piss.

Dentisttoday · 29/07/2026 15:41

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YorksMa · 29/07/2026 15:42

You're only 25. Just break up and find someone more compatible. If he's ultimately the one for you, your time will come further down the line.

Funandnames · 29/07/2026 15:42

Do you really want ‘the one’ to be someone who is happy to be broken up for a month? The right person should be so grateful to be your partner 24/7 - there are no breaks or pauses. No one should settle for less and certainly not in their 20s!

montysmaw · 29/07/2026 15:43

BeEdgyDenimCat · 29/07/2026 14:59

My (25F) boyfriend (25M) has abruptly ended a 5 year relationship and turned it into a ‘break’ for a month…

For context, we have had a really healthy happy relationship for so many years. We met in uni, and have grown together and are doing the same career. We live separately at the moment because we are still young and in no rush to start a future together, we are both happy with this arrangement.

We have been slightly disconnected for a few months. Disagreements about emotional needs not being met etc and he is not the worlds most fantastic communicator, but I am relatively secure so I haven’t relied on this heavily.

Recently, we had some really tough conversations and toyed with the idea that this perhaps isn’t right for us right now. However, after those tough conversations, we had three weeks where we went from strength to strength and were having a fantastic relationship. This gave me renewed confidence in our connection and ability to make it through tough times. Then, after a week on holiday, he decided that he needed a month to consider whether this was right for him. In his words ‘is our relationship defined by the period of it being down or the periods when it is up?’. This has confused and concerned me, because surely I see it as looking forward and working through things.

I am now in a limbo free fall for all of August whilst essentially my fate is decided by my boyfriend, who I am on a break with, and is now being quite cold on messages because he ‘needs space’. Of course I respect the space, but this is obviously anxiety inducing and I am not sure what to make of it? It seems like I am more committed to this than he is.

Why on earth are you letting him decide YOUR fate.?
His behaviour is horrible actually.

If you make the cut ( because he discovers his pulling power isn't quite what he hoped during the break) then he will have you always second guessing and on the back foot.

Tell him you are reconsidering the relationship and may or may not get back to him depending on your decision.

LooneyLiberalSpaceWaster · 29/07/2026 15:44

If you do not want to spend a month in limbo-call it. Just tell him its over. He will soon make up his mind if he wants to be with you, if he does he will act. If he just says "fair do" then you know, ultimately that would have been the outcome anyway.

canuckup · 29/07/2026 15:44

Lol at this

Yeah he can have his month off: FOREVER

ginasevern · 29/07/2026 15:44

You're both still very young OP and you've been together since you were even younger. I don't blame him for wanting to think seriously about his future at the age of 25. And reading between the lines I think he wants more than just a short break but is afraid to say so. You've become co-dependent on the relationship because it's taken up so much of your hitherto young life. Have a sensible conversation with him and be prepared for the relationship to have run its course. And don't whatever you do beg him to stay.

Bobajobob · 29/07/2026 15:44

Just tell him it’s over. He wants a month being single and then come back to you if he doesn’t like it. F@ck that, selfish prick.

Gardenisablooming · 29/07/2026 15:45

What a cf !
He wants a summer shag-a-thon.

MissMoneyFairy · 29/07/2026 15:45

Stop messaging him, if he wants a break, let him have a permanent break ,block him and it will be hard but you'll get there without the anxiety he is causing, its cruel and unnecessary. Thank your lucky stars you don't live together and rely on each other financially