Boyfriend wants a month-long break after five and a half years

[BeEdgyDenimCat]

My (25F) boyfriend (25M) has abruptly ended a 5 year relationship and turned it into a ‘break’ for a month…

For context, we have had a really healthy happy relationship for so many years. We met in uni, and have grown together and are doing the same career. We live separately at the moment because we are still young and in no rush to start a future together, we are both happy with this arrangement.

We have been slightly disconnected for a few months. Disagreements about emotional needs not being met etc and he is not the worlds most fantastic communicator, but I am relatively secure so I haven’t relied on this heavily.

Recently, we had some really tough conversations and toyed with the idea that this perhaps isn’t right for us right now. However, after those tough conversations, we had three weeks where we went from strength to strength and were having a fantastic relationship. This gave me renewed confidence in our connection and ability to make it through tough times. Then, after a week on holiday, he decided that he needed a month to consider whether this was right for him. In his words ‘is our relationship defined by the period of it being down or the periods when it is up?’. This has confused and concerned me, because surely I see it as looking forward and working through things.

I am now in a limbo free fall for all of August whilst essentially my fate is decided by my boyfriend, who I am on a break with, and is now being quite cold on messages because he ‘needs space’. Of course I respect the space, but this is obviously anxiety inducing and I am not sure what to make of it? It seems like I am more committed to this than he is.

He's having sex with someone new and waiting to see if it goes well, or attempting to line up a new sexual partner.

He's your ex boyfriend.

It will be difficult for you to accept that for a while, the first step should be blocking him everywhere and not checking any of his social media.

He wants to break up with you but hasn’t got the balls to do it cleanly and honourably. This month is so he can effectively wean you off him. If he wanted to be with you he would be with you.

Just stop contacting him. Go and enjoy yourself. He may or may not return but if he does remember your worth more than someone who treats you like this.

This absolutely.

He’s deffo found someone else. Sorry love

Just to add if he does come back and you want that make sure he gets checked at the Sexual Health clinic & make sure you see proof of a clear result before you do anything with him, as im sure hes been active sexuarly.

I know this is painful for you but I'm afraid I don't see you coming back from this. You're both so young, I saw this thing a lot in my early 20s. I don't think he's trying to hurt you, probably afraid to end it, but he's now over the relationship and this is where its going. It'll be less messy if you call it a day now.

@BeEdgyDenimCat I had this . Basically he had met someone he liked so he wanted Time Out for a month to have a relationship with her. So, it was fine as we were on a break weren't we?!?!?
So I'd be looking for another boyfriend if I were you

Where does "a month" come from? How does he know exactly how long it will take to resolve the question of whether or not he wants to be with you? Nah. He just wants to be able to fuck other people for a month and then come back to you.

Exactly the song that was going through my head as I was reading this.

OP take back control.

Hrtft but its over darling 💐 x

If you don’t dump him OP, then at the very least don’t message him. Dont be available. Make plans for August. Have some fun. Don’t hang around waiting for him to decide if he wants you. It’s ok if he doesn’t, as much as it hurts, cry some tears and take back control of your life.

Lots of us get our hearts broken in their 20s. I know I did. More ‘pick me’ antics than I want to remember. Decades later, we look back and think ‘thank fuck!’.

Best of luck.

Sorry but this is the beginning of the end, he just hasn’t got the guts to quite take the leap.

Take control and do it for him.

As it stands he’s a head fuck who’s got the upper hand and control.

Same

Oh, you are SO right!

I'm now 68 and quite recently started thinking about how bloody STUPID I was in my early 20s.

If they aren't head over heels about you after more than 5 years - the relationship is dead. And no amount of effort on the OP's part is going to change that, I'm afraid.

The monkey doesn’t like to let go of one branch until it’s got firm hold of the next one.

You’ve had good advice on this thread. It’s tough to read and tough to go through, but sadly with the benefit of hindsight lots of us can see what’s going on.

Call up your friends and go out, have fun. You are single now. Say yes to any and all invites and see if your ex calls you. Do not call him and when the month is up, see if you missed him, or just missed company.

Oh and he might not have already met someone else, don’t get too stressed by those posts or think he’s been cheating. But he might have thought the idea of meeting someone else appeals to him, so he’s going looking, while holding on to you just in case he doesn’t meet anyone else.

Take control back, why does he get to put you on pause?

This is that beautiful south song. Listen to it and move on

This is that beautiful south song. Listen to it and move on

I am now in a limbo free fall for all of August whilst essentially my fate is decided by my boyfriend, who I am on a break with, and is now being quite cold on messages because he ‘needs space,

Stop bring so nloody passive!
He does not get to decide your fate, who told you that!?
Come on get a grip, he is being cold with you? Does that sound loving? It sounds like he is putting the pieces in place for you to finish it so he isnt seen as the bad guy.

My advice is be recognise the relationship is having a slow death, put it out of it's misery and end it, be upset for a bit but shake yourself down, hold your head high and have a fabulous summer. You do t gave to be in limbo unless you put yourself there.

Do not take him back! He wants a month to sleep around, in sure and certain knowledge that you will take him back. Not just take him back, but take him back enthusiastically and gratefully.

Dump the bastard. You deserve better.

@BeEdgyDenimCat
Oh lovey love love
He's had enough of you
And will be out there looking,
Possibly trying
Whilst you sit there pining
He knows you're a safe bet
Right where he wants you to be
And if he finds no-one else
He will bounce back to you
Don't you want better for yourself?
Just dump him already

Call his bluff. Message him: "I now understand you were right, I also need some time off. Let's break up and see what is there for us outside of this relationship. I wish you the best."

And leave it there. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

That's very hard on you but don't wait around for this guy. Treat it like you have broken up, don't contact him, start thinking about what you want outside of him and plan something nice for yourself. You deserve to be cherished.