Ancestry DNA shock result

[rageagainstthemachine72]

My daughter did a dna test, results came back 25% Italian. I thought that's weird, that must mean one of her parents is half italian, so I did a test, yes you guessed it I'm 48% Italian and my two sisters who tested years ago came up as half sisters. Devastated, mum died two years ago and the man who I thought was my father died over 30 years ago. Not really sure what I'm looking for regarding this post, just some support and anyone out there with similar stories.

That must have been such a shock for you. Have you thought about researching your family tree? Maybe ancestry.com

Oh gosh what a shock. I’ve heard of this happening, there’s a podcast by the BBC called The Gift where people talk through similar experiences you’ve gone through if that might help. Hard when your parents have passed so you can’t get immediate answers.

I don't have a similar story but I wanted to send you some support. That is a big shock to get and must make you question loads about who you are. From the point of view of the man that brought you up though, his love for you doesn't change. It may be possible over time to figure out who your biological father is from other ancestry matches if you feel the need to know more.

You might want to listen to The Gift on BBC Sounds. Lots of stories on the problems caused by DNA tests on there.

That must have been such a shock. I would def recommend you listen to the Gift on BBC sounds. It will let hear how others dealt with similar situations

Are any of your mother or father siblings alive ? They might be able to provide you with information about your birth father . Can you find out where your mother was living at the time you were conceived .

Must be such a shock to think that either your father that brought you up didn't know or that he did but accepted you with love .

God that must be shocking OP. Are any of your mum's close friends or family alive?

How do these DNA tests work, are they 100% reliable? I've often wondered this.

OP, that must be such a shock for you. I don't know what to say to help TBH, but others very kindly will I'm sure.

It must be such a shock!

I did the test last year and learned that my grand father is not my father's real father and that my ethnicity is different from what I thought as a result.

Not a complete surprise for me though for reasons I won't go into, but my parents never told me.

So many families have secrets like this.

My father is dead so no opportunity to find out why this was kept hidden.

That must be a shock for you, @rageagainstthemachine72 . Are you wanting to find out more about your family background? If so, I think I'd start with the basics, ie your parents generation and yours
Where do you fit in the order of siblings - oldest, middle, youngest?
Are you sure that the couple who you thought were your birth parents were married, and if so, when did they marry - before or after you were born?
Have you told your siblings?
Are they full siblings to each other?

Ah this happened to me. Years ago now so the shock has worn off. I found a half-niece and she offered to get her paternal cousins tested to see if I matched that side of her family. Their tests came back as no match for me …. but also no match for her. So we were both looking for a bio dad.

Somewhere in this world I have a half brother I never knew about for over 50 years. I was told about him after my mum died.
It isn’t the same as your situation, but I have some empathy around the life changing devastation when your world changes and can never go back. I’ve had some counselling to talk through my feelings and potential course of action in whether to look for him or not. That was helpful

Thanks all. To answer some questions:
Mum was 89 when she died, I am 53.the man who raised me died when I was 16, no other family of that generation left to ask questions.
I have told my siblings, 2 sisters 1 brother, my sisters have been very supportive, brother is in denial ( understandable as we were all still going through the grieving process)

I've always looked a bit different, very olive skinned tan really easily. But now I look in the mirror and I don't recognise myself anymore.

Im the youngest child. Parents were married.

There is a group on FB, DNA Detectives UK, there are search angels on there who can help trace your family if you wish.

I used one to trace my dm's family as she was adopted. Funnily enough though, it was my dad's side that threw up some surprises.

What a shock, I’m really sorry. On Reddit there are support forums for people going through the same thing, no doubt there are other forums too. Look for NPE - Non Paternity Event/ Not Parent Expected.

It is very sad that your mother took her secret to the grave and I can understand how you have been rocked by the results.

My matches are to far down the line to help, 2nd cousins removed. I have been messaging them, they have been lovely and are trying to help, but unless in the future I get a closer match i will probably never know the truth. Sorry you went through this as well, it changes everything you think about yourself doesn't it

Thanks I will have a look

@rageagainstthemachine72 i tracked my grandad down (long dead) via cousins in the states.

I am amateur but have reasonable knowledge.

You should ask your cousin for their ancestor details because you will share a great grandparent and possibly both.

the more other cousins you can identify the easier it is to eliminate your uncles as potential fathers.

My additional cousins did tests and it took me several years.

You did not say how many times removed but 2nd is quite close. What was the CM load on your match, as it is important.

Hi welcome to the NPE club, it’s not one you want to join but there are some great supportive people here! I found out about 6 years ago age 50 - blew my mind! There is a lovely NPE network to join on fb. Go easy on yourself. Xx

As the OP'S test has proved her daughter's correct, you can assume they're reliable in terms of identifying familial relationships.

I've done 2 different DNA tests and known relatives who have done one or the other have been flagged to me with their exact relationship to me correctly stated. As a relationship becomes more distant - after first cousin - they will usually offer at least two possible relationships.

Daughter here 👋

Good to know where our love of spaghetti bolognaise comes from! But in all seriousness, I know it’s been difficult for you. I’m still holding onto hope we might be able to find some of your family.

With you every step of the way!!

🥰

This is wild and must be a shock but how cool to be half Italian. Envious

Last year out of the blue I had a message from Ancestry from a cousin I never knew about- I am also half Italian! 😂
We had to tell my Uncle in Italy (who is in his 70's) that he had a son he knew nothing of, it was pretty shocking at the time but they bonded really fast and were lots of lovely coincidences.

Hoping you will find more out 🌸