Ancestry DNA shock result

[rageagainstthemachine72]

My daughter did a dna test, results came back 25% Italian. I thought that's weird, that must mean one of her parents is half italian, so I did a test, yes you guessed it I'm 48% Italian and my two sisters who tested years ago came up as half sisters. Devastated, mum died two years ago and the man who I thought was my father died over 30 years ago. Not really sure what I'm looking for regarding this post, just some support and anyone out there with similar stories.

I think I’d hold on to what you know- that the man who raised you, loved you, regardless of your genetics.

You may never know the circumstances around your conception. So many things could have happened. But your mum and dad and siblings, your childhood, is still as you knew it to be. There’s just an extra bit!

This happened to a good friend of mine, Turns out she is 50% Japanese yet looks the most English person you can imagine. Opened up a massive family rift. Few possible signs over the years including huge love of sumo and anime

That must be a huge shock, and can imagine you have lots of mixed emotions. I suppose one of the worst things is all your questions will be never truly be answered.

But just because you’ve found out your dad wasn’t your bio dad, doesn’t make him any less your dad! He raised you and loved you. Your siblings are still your siblings. Do whatever you need to do to try and process this and make peace with it💐

So sorry that you are going through this. There is a great book that I recommend., Inheritance, by Dani Shaprio. She went through the same thing and her writing is beautiful.

My SIL found out that the horrible man she thought was her dad was actually right when he said he wasn't her father. She found a whole new family and they are lovely. I don't know how my MIL never told her as there were rumours in the family.

DH says he won't do the test as if he confirmed his horrible father was actually his dad he would be more upset.

Well I wish I was half Italian. Perhaps you can get a European Passport?!

I tbink you are attributing a degree of accuracy to the ethnicity estimate that just isnt there. My heritage recalculates ethnicity estimate every few months or so and it has changed wuite a bit over the course of the years.
Also sibling shared dna is very variable. 2 of my children only share 31% DNA with each other. This would normally indicate hslf siblings. But they have the same mother (me) and the same father 50% DNA with each parent.

I did dna test and although it was what i thought it would be , the percentages of the mix of countries on my mum's side is different than i thought. I still havent worked out fully what it means.

If you join ancestry you can definitely find out who your italian family are. Maybw not immediate family but certainly you'll get an idea of where in italy they might come from originally.

This happened to me too. My mother, birth certificate father and biological father are all dead so all my questions remain unanswered. When I first looked at my results I didn't recognise any of the names of my matches, one of them had completed a family tree and looking at it I saw a name I recognised, a former work colleague of my mother.My matches are the grandchildren of a half sibling. I've experienced many emotions since I made my discovery 3 years ago, sadness, shame and anger. I've come to terms now that I'll never know the circumstances of my conception. I've decided not to make contact with my half sister, she's in her seventies and I don't want to cause her any distress.
I wish you well and hope you discover more.

Which site have you used? Whichever one do the others. I did 23andme first, then Ancestry. There’s also a free site which I’ve forgotten the name of that you can upload your results from Ancestry onto that site and it matches with even more people. I have certainly got different people from each of these sites.

I was in a similar position but with me it’s my grandfather who wasn’t my grandfather which was a shock. My grandparents are dead, my parents are dead, my aunt is dead and I lost contact with my cousin years ago so have no one else to test from my immediate family. So I have no idea for example if my mum and aunt were half sisters or if they both had the same dad (not grandad). I suspect they were half sisters. My mum died not knowing. She was born during ww2 and Grandma must have been having an affair during the war. So I do wonder if Grandad knew as he was in France for a lot of the war so if the dates didn’t match up with any leave he would surely have known.

Do be aware though that you may not get 100% confirmed answers. I matched with two half sisters who we share enough centrimorgans that our relationship could be half cousins (I think it is). But could also be something slightly more distant. I share more dna with one than the other which isn’t unusual. The higher matched one we have a 98% chance of being half cousins. She is adamant we aren’t half cousins. I think we have the same grandad. She reckons her grandad’s brother must have been my grandad. But can’t really explain why. I have also found more distant relatives and our matching percentages back my theory up.

It’s a little bit annoying because the two half sisters are not particularly interested, I suppose because they don’t think our relationship is as close as what it is. But one of their parents must be my half aunt or uncle……my mother’s half sibling. But they won’t entertain putting me in contact with any of their relatives from that generation. And while I have managed to trace a lot of my family tree when you get to people who are still alive it won’t give out names. So I can see my grandfather’s name, his siblings, his parents……..but not his children who will be my mother’s half siblings. And they are at an age now where they might start dying. So time is running out.

DNA detectives uk has already been suggested. There are volunteers experienced in working with DNA who may be able to help you learn more - and they are not allowed to accept anything from you except your thanks. I believe My Heritage is a more popular site with Europeans so may be worth testing there for more matches. Second cousins can lead you if not to a parent to grandparents. Sometimes picking out which son can be hard, sometimes there is only one or just one of suitable age who was in the right location. You will only know if you try.

I've helped some of my and my husbands DNA matches find unknown family. Sometimes they get on and sometimes they dont want to know. Sometimes parent/siblings dont want to know but I've known aunts and cousins welcome more family. It can be useful to learn about your medical history.

The person who brought you up is your father in the ways that matter most. One child of a NPE described them as the parent of their heart.

It’s one* reason I’d recommend people be really careful with these tests.
Some really dark truths have been hidden by some families and it’s really hard to know what exposing them might mean to people…

sure, in some case it’s „just“ a case of a good looking milkman. But that obviously won’t be the case for everybody…

(*Data protection and autonomy being reasons as well.)

This. I would absolutely want to have a second opinion before accepting these results…

Ah I'm sorry OP, I had similar happen to me. Matched with people I had no clue about - including a half sibling. Found out who I thought was my Dad wasn't my Dad. Dug further and found out my biological Dad was a man my Mum often spoke highly of as a friend she used to have.
Also found out I'm not white British as I previously thought.

Worst part is that the man who I thought was my Dad was abusive. I'm NC with him, and both biological parents are dead so I can't find out why I was never told.

Hopefully one day you get answers.

OP isn't relying on the ethnicity estimate to know her dad wasn't her biological dad, she' relying on genetic matches to confirm her sisters are half sisters, etc. Meanwhile, the ethnicity part is actually helpful for identitying the bio father, because it's so strongly Italian.

Agree with others that 2nd C 1xR is pretty close, and probably enough info to find out more, if OP wants to identify her biological father and try to figure out what happened, explore her conception backstory.

Nothing has changed in you, or has to change anyway, OP, just your mom had a story you didn't know about.

These silly tests always bring nothing but trouble and heartache. I wouldn't have even shared this with my family as it means nothing. Your family are those who bring you up and support and love you, these results do not change that.

Another podcast recommendation is DNA Surprises. It’s American but might be relevant to you as lots of contributors have experienced an ‘ethnicity shift’ as you and @Accidentallyitalian (best name ever!) did on discovery. It’s a lot to process.

Welcome to the Italian tribe xx we’ve had exactly this in the last twelve months. Turns out my good catholic grandfather may have not been the saint he was portrayed ( I’m not judging- life is tough sometimes). We’ve met our new half cousins / aunt who bless her had a terrible shock in her 80s, although now understands why she was so good looking ( Italian genes are strong ) and tans well :-)

try to put your dna on a couple of different platforms as they don’t share between them. These new cousins found me on ancestry but most of my other cousins are on 23 and me.

Ancestry does change its DNA origins section fairly regularly, however for the bigger percentages I’ve always found it accurate. Her daughter and sisters tests also corroborate what she has found. Mine are accurate in that they match up with the regions that I know my parents come from for instance.
The OP might find it useful to build a tree on Ancestry in order to learn more about their history/identity.

No it needs to be birth certificate and recorded nice thought though x

So is your brother your full brother and your sisters half sisters? Does your brother look similar to you?
Im sorry @rageagainstthemachine72, this must be a massive shock.

Research seems to suggest 1 in 50 British men are unknowingly bringing up children not theirs. It’s not uncommon.

OP is it possible your parents used an anonymous sperm donor to conceive you?

I am far from convinced that many of the claims made in these tests are reliable

I had the same thing . I suspected my “dad” was not my dad so when mum died I had an Ancestry test. I found out I am 45% South Asian which explained my dark hair and olive skin ( I was often asked if I was Spanish or Italian) . Despite there being a very small number of Asians in my area when I was conceived ,in the late1950s, I have had no joy finding information . My nearest match on Ancestry is potentially a 2nd cousin once removed and he is not aware of any relatives who emigrated to my area . After the initial shock we as a family are quite proud of our heritage.