Ancestry DNA shock result

[rageagainstthemachine72]

My daughter did a dna test, results came back 25% Italian. I thought that's weird, that must mean one of her parents is half italian, so I did a test, yes you guessed it I'm 48% Italian and my two sisters who tested years ago came up as half sisters. Devastated, mum died two years ago and the man who I thought was my father died over 30 years ago. Not really sure what I'm looking for regarding this post, just some support and anyone out there with similar stories.

hi OP, you can download your DNA results from ancestry and upload them to other DNA sites eg gedmatch, 123 and others, and maybe get a wider pool of matches from them? I'm not sure what DNA testing sites are most popular in Italy but you could potentially look at uploading your results to one of them?

I just discovered I have a first cousin I knew nothing about until recently when he contacted me on the Ancestry site. Turns out my uncle fathered him between marriages but his mother married someon else whom he thought was his real Dad. We were never a close family and I rarely see any of my other cousins. He seems very keen to bring everyone together but I can't be bothered with it.

@rageagainstthemachine72 I get what a huge surprise and shock this must have been for you. My own genealogy still remains part mystery, part mess and I've had a number of genetic surprises over the years, so I do sympathise.

I would say that it is important to remember that you are still you. You are still the sum total of your experiences and lived life and nothing can change that. Doesn't matter what weird and wonderful secrets your genetic past throws up, you are still completely and utterly you and when you look at yourself in the mirror, remember that!

Give it a bit of time to sink in and settle.

Definitely worth looking at Italian DNA testing sites.
As an interesting aside, DNA testing is illegal in some countries, including France.

Why is it cool? What a strange thing to say. It's just a nationality like any other. I am sure the OP isn't focusing on Italians being cool right now, if indeed they even are.

It means a lot. My birth certificate father died at the age of 58 after a heart attack. This information is in my medical records, every time I've been asked about family medical history I've been giving completely wrong information. I don't know anything about my biological family's medical history. I also had a difficult relationship with my birth certificate father, I don't know if this was because he knew or suspected the truth. My mother was loving and kind however she lied to me about something so important. I can understand why she didn't tell me but it doesn't make it any easier.

What does the rest of the test say? What is the full breakdown?

I was just about to post exactly the same thing! You are unlikely to ever know the truth because the people who knew it, who lived it, are no longer alive. Nothing you find out will change the wonderful person who you are now. Try and let it go if you can.

Sorry OP this is tough to take on board. I hope you find some answers and have some support.

This is something I deal with fairly regularly and always give the same advice to people in your situation.

Firstly - don't rush into doing anything with the information. You need some time to process what you've just found out. There are counsellors and therapists who specialise in adoption and similar issues which can arise from taking DNA tests who can help if you're struggling.

Ethnicity estimates are to be taken with a massive pinch of salt. What is more relevant is that you are only matching on half-sibling level with people who should be full siblings - one of your parents is different and that is likely to be your father. Does that change how you feel about your sisters and why? Or how you feel about the man who brought you up? Do you want to share that information with them? This is entirely up to you - although if they have also tested they will be aware too.

If you decide on relfection that you do want to try to identify your biological father then it is wise to seek help as DNA can be complicated. There are Facebook groups (with members who have varying degrees of expertise) and professional genealogists who will assist. The basic process is to sort your matches into maternal and paternal and try to build family trees on the paternal side to identify candidates in the right place and of the right age to be your biological father. Depending on the number of matches you have and how interested your matches are in helping out, this might be 5 minutes work, it might never be resolved.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I think I am going to disagree with you.

In my case I had suspicions because of a couple of things that my mother said when I was a kid.

For me not being told clearly about your heritage and having some loose tongue relative making a passing comment that leaves you confused is much worse than being told the actual truth.

In my case as well although I have translucent/freckled white skin and always thought I was 100% white it turns out my real grand father was from the Magreb. I have no issue with that of course but I would have wanted to be told this when I was young so I could have a chance to learn about that culture as well.

Keeping secrets from people can be more painful than simple honesty.

Years ago, 1980’s when family research became popular because of the records going online I imagine, I thought then this will open a can of worms for some! Even more so with DNA testing!
You’d be better looking forward, not back to a long dead great granny or similar. Concentrate on the relationships in front of you OP, there is nothing you can do to alter the past and they almost certainly did what they did hoping for the best outcome.
Personally I would never do a DNA test - my parents were wonderful, and I’m as certain as possible I was genetically their child, but it’d make not an ounce of difference if it turned out not to be the case so I wouldn’t take a test even in fun. I’d also not want random “relatives” turning up out of the woodwork - the ones I know about are nuisance enough!

But knowing that from some website won't change all that history and will likely bring you more heartache. That said, everyone is free to make their own choices and it's fine for us to disagree. I just feel that 'heritage' or whatever is given far too much emphasis, you know who you are inside without the genetical break down. For me, no-one that I might be technically biologically linked to but is not in my life is of any importance to me.

I had a similar shock from my DNA, although not as close. My family tree was English on all sides as far as I could find then I did my DNA and discovered I am 15% Jewish so my grandad or my great grandad weren't who I thought they were. I'm not sure I'll ever get closer as I cant find any close Jewish relatives, closest Im finding is 3rd cousins and so many changed their names when they moved over.

Brother hasn't taken a test. Sisters are half sisters. No I don't look like my brother.

Yeah, but you are partly your dna, so that's not really true. It can have huge implications for your health, so to deny it is just deluded.

If they are likely to be English or Welsh try FreeBMD
If you don't already know his wife's name try and work that out from marriage records. FreeBMD can help narrow that down. Once you have his wife's surname put both surnames into the search for births and it will list all children born to people with those surnames and the general area. The further back in time you go the more complete the records are. Newer records are still being updated.
https://www.freebmd.org.uk/cgi/search.pl

That's rather rude, it isn't deluded to not be bothered by dna. You can disagree, but you don't need to be rude.

I'm adopted, so for me the experience and understanding of the irrelevance of dna as to who you are, who you become and who your family are is one that I feel quite deeply.

This exact same thing happened to me 49% Italian 47% Irish. Lived as a Scot all my life and while I knew about my mum’s Irish heritage have no clue about my father being Italian. Apparently I have a half brother somewhere and multiple other relatives. This all happened over a year ago and although I was deeply shocked, I don’t really think about it as often. Both parents long dead and no one else I can ask. It does get easier as time goes on.

That must have been such a shock for you. I hope you have a good support network to help you process this.

Exactly thank you for explaining so well. it can't be wrong with the high percentage of Italian and siblings becoming half siblings.

Lots of family secrets in my family! Very few of them healthy, some have come out recently.

2 big ones. 1) my mum had an baby girl before she was married that was forcibly given up for adoption. If she wanted to meet I would but I’m not interested in a relationship. 2) my half brother is not actually related to me at all - but was conceived as an affair at the break down of my dad’s 2nd marriage, doesn’t change that relationship - he is still my little brother!

Family is much more than DNA, it is the shared history that you have that is importantly.

I suspect there are a lot more secrets there as well, so staying well clear of any DNA tests! While I think secrets are bad and tend to eat away inside the person, they aren’t my secrets to expose.

Fair enough. I didn't mean to be rude. And I'm genuinely sorry if it annoyed or upset you. But I also feel strongly that to say dna doesn't matter is just not true. Think of people who might be carriers of certain conditions and have to make difficult choices . DNA isnt nothing to them. We are partly who we are through nurture, but I'm afraid nature plays a part too and there's no denying that.

Take a good look at all the matches that don't match your sisters, look at their trees and hopefully you will find a clue.

When I did mine, I found my Grandad had a secret child about the same time he married my Gran. Less than a year between his secret child and my Dad!

Thanks for all the replies, you are all really helping.
A bit more information: All my life when I've met new people they ask me what my ethnicity is, never questioned it before, just thought it was because I have such olive, tanned skin. I also have very curly hair. When abroad with my sister and we have been introduced as sisters, we have often had the replies "sister from another mister" so I suppose the evidence was there all along.