Fiancé says he wishes I was dead

[Luna98]

Hi everyone my fiance and I were arguing and he just came out with I hate you so much I wish you’d die. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to make of it. He said sorry and that he didn’t know what he was saying it was out of anger. He says horrible things when he gets angry then takes it back and says he loves me. Has anyone been through anything similar thanks in advance

What you do is tell your parents exactly what has been going on and let them support you through this

The money lost is money well spent in getting away from this abusive human

You’re not even married yet and this is how he talks to you. At this stage in the relationship, you’d expect to be on your best behaviour. Honeymoon period.
Imagine how much worse things will get after 10, 20, 30 years of marriage.

Cancelling the wedding will be very hard of course ….. but easier than divorcing this wrong’un in the longer term. You are a young woman with a lot of living to do - he could make your life a misery.

He's an abusive arsehole who is showing you his true colours now. Dump him.

@Luna98 A good man would never say this, it's an awful thing to say. Do not marry him, run.

I'm so sorry OP. If you are writing this type of concern here it's because you are genuinely worried about this marriage.

If you don't know how to get the words out - to your family, could you tell one trusted relative first? A sister or your mum? Then ask them to explain to the rest of your family. You do need to tell them the things he's said so that they are absolutely in the picture and know not to say anything to get you to doubt yourself.

If you would still find that incredibly difficult, could you write it down? Hand it to them then go into a nearby room whilst they read it?

I'm so sorry @Luna98 it must have been horrible having anyone say that to you, let alone the person who is supposed to truly love you.

JFC "Breaking it to your families???"

Your only concern should be for your safety.
See a solicitor immediately and tell them everything and get assets split.
File a police report now. Tell your own mum and dad everything and get their support.

You should be very, very afraid for your safety.
Protect yourself now.
Contact Women'sAid for further and succinct advice now.

Posting link to the page I think you need now:

womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/i-want-to-leave-my-relationship-safely/

DUMP NOW!

He says horrible things when he gets angry then takes it back and says he loves me. This is abuse and not normal. Please leave!

Please please do not marry this man.

Speak to Women's Aid or similar for safe ways to leave.

Only tell your family first you know they are supportive. If he's made them think he's charming they might try to reunite you, not understanding what he's really like.
Talk to a lawyer (you can get free initial consultation) for how to unentangle yourself from the house purchased.
Do you have trusted friend or relative who will support you?

Dont think about the money.. think about how much more it will cost to escape if you go through with it.

Think about how it would feel to hear him talking to your child in the same way.

You can do a LOT better than this, OP! Normal people do not talk about the death of a loved one as a positive thing, even momentarily.

If anyone said that to me in any situation i would be really scared, i certainly would not believe they cared for me in any way.. Please call women's Aid helpline and tell them the absolute truth about how abusive he is and they will advise you.. Personally i would be packing and leaving immediately, i would value my life too much to breathe the same air as anyone who would speak to me that way. The underlying threat is terrifying.

' He has become insanely jealous when I go out with friends (girls) or what I wear and has these sudden outbursts as he said he’s insecure as he knows I get male attention. I’ve never done anything to make him lose trust I’ve even had to cut off male friends due to his insecurities.'

oh dear, it gets worse.

Thank goodness you do not have children with him.

you do not need to tell your families, he can tell his.

you only need to let your immediate family know he can tell his family !

and make sure you stay somewhere safe when you tell him - can you stay with your Mum and Dad or a sister for a while ?

It’s started recently because he thinks you’re trapped. You’ll not leave now the wedding is so close and paid for. It’s very, very common. Contact women’s aid if you need to and talk to them about the relationship overall.

I would break it to my family by telling them what he said, and tell them you are heartbroken and not willing to be in a relationship with someone who speaks to you this way, along with all the other red flags you’ve mentioned.

Leave leave leave leave leave.

It'll be hard to separate your lives, but it's the only real option. You can't marry this man.

Thank goodness he has shown his true colours before the wedding so you have had a lucky escape. Tell your parents and let them handle the fallout for you xx

You mean EX fiance?

Yes, I have.

I had one who made me so frightened of a smear test that I didn’t have one until 6/7 years after we’d split up. He used to tell me that he hopes it comes back cancerous and I die.

In a plot twist, I did end up getting cancer (pancreatic) after we split up, and it was this that made me realise how important a smear was.

My husband now wouldnt dream of saying this to me, and nor me to him. We aren’t perfect, we’ve had some pretty fierce arguments over the years but this kind of stuff doesn’t ever cross our minds.

Please don’t marry him, he’s a bad person. Trust me when I say they don’t change, and even if he moved on and found someone else, he would behave the same with her, too.

And he's doing this already? Run girl. He ain't a keeper that's for sure.

The sooner you call it off the easier it will be. You don't need to give any reason to his family. You can tell your family that he has started treating you badly and you need to call off the wedding and move out/come home to stay for a while.

You are exactly right! I hope the OP reads this and is honest with herself.

Dump him cut all cotact be dead to him Never contemplate life with such an abusive childish man