Fiancé says he wishes I was dead

[Luna98]

Hi everyone my fiance and I were arguing and he just came out with I hate you so much I wish you’d die. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to make of it. He said sorry and that he didn’t know what he was saying it was out of anger. He says horrible things when he gets angry then takes it back and says he loves me. Has anyone been through anything similar thanks in advance

The hills are that way; run for them.....

Your ex fiance, surely !

They say that we speak the truth when we are drunk, when we talk in our sleep, and when we argue. Please, save yourself a lifetime of misery. Kick this man into touch. I can’t believe that you’re still with him after he said that!
Find your self respect, go and lick your wounds, then get out there and find a REAL man who will love and respect you…you deserve better than what you have now.

I feel really bad for you, because I know men like this will make you feel sorry for him, gaslight you and genuinely make you feel like shit. This is probably just the beginning and it gradually gets worse and drains you. Really consider leaving him. Best wishes.

No one says that out of anger. Finish it now.

In 34 years my DH (in fact even my DC at their deepest, darkest moments) have NEVER spoken to me like that.

My vicious, abusive, bipolar, and violent mother did though. Went no-contact with her as soon as I was old enough to leave.

When people show you who they are, believe them! Don’t marry this rat. He doesn’t mean it my backside. Empty words. Please leave him, you deserve better OP x

DON'T Marry him love it will get worse, believe me I married a horrible man and my life was hell, please think about yourself, you do not deserve that 🥰

This is a form of abuse, please leave him before it’s too late!

Can’t believe I read that and the first word was still ‘Fiancé’

He thinks you are trapped and you won't walk away. Youre not even married yet. Imagine what he will be like once you have made that commitment.

Trust me its much better to ebd it now than it is to get married and divorced. I got married to my first husband and separated within a month. It was highly embarrassing. Call it off now. Give people a chance to cancel things or return things. Hopefully, you'll be able to get some deposits back. A lot of vendors will be nice anout it and refund you if they can fill the date.

Oops so is your relationship..Dead! Don't think you can resurrect that relationship. He said it it can't be unsaid, MOVE ON . He's not going to stand by you in life. He wants you dead!

I'm really sorry this happened to you. As another poster has pointed out, there's a saying along the lines of 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them' and that is very apt here. He has revealed his true self to you and this is your opportunity to exit this relationship. A part of you probably knows this relationship is toxic but another part has probably been subtly conditioned to think you somehow deserve this or it's your fault. You don't and it's not. Access any help you need to get out this relationship now. We're all behind you.

This
At least he showed you who he really is before the wedding @Luna98
So sorry but please leave him

I have already posted a reply and read your other reply, but honestly, when you have been through this, you can see the signs immediately. This is just the beginning. You'll end up being crushed down and made to feel worthless and your life will be awful.

Find the strength and remember, you don't owe ANY man anything, you should never have to give up friends or stop wearing certain clothes because they are jealous. That is their problem and this anger will grow. Best wishes.

Not insecure. Controlling.
He is controlling.

And generally fucking psycho.

And the reason he is behaving this way now is he thinks you are trapped because it’s so close to the wedding so you won’t back out. Abusers often show who they are when they think you are stuck with them.

But you’re not. The real trap would be going through with this disaster thinking he will change. He would only get worse.

Run!

Tf you don’t have kids with this guy. I’d tell your family before you tell him tbh. And have someone present when you are breaking up with him. A couple of male relatives, ideally.

EX Fiance surely?

Another one saying don’t marry him. I’m pretty sure his vile behaviour will ramp up once you’re married.

Nope, I’m sorry but I’m afraid you need to move away from this man asap. If he’s talking to you like this now before you’re married I dread to think what he will do when you are.

Talk to him now then decide about your future if he feels this way now your going to be getting for a divorce sooner than you think. he’s controlling & abusive. Op if he can wish you dead tell him he to move on and find someone new. He thinks you won’t walk because of the wedding and house he thinks he’s trapped you but do you want to end up back on here soon saying dh is stopping me seeing friends and treats me like shit is cheating etc. there is no love or respect for you now a ring won’t change this.

I couldn't unhear that, sorry. If you are certain that you could, and could live with his personalities, then carry on, but he has warned you

He's shown you his true colours, get out now while there's no children to uproot or a messy divorce, he might have been playing the long game, waiting for that ring on your finger so he can control and manipulate you. Just run NOW

Leave him now and be glad you found out what he’s like before you got married.If he’s got anger issues as well you will always be treading on eggshells.

You must end this relationship and thank goodness you hadnt married yet. He thinks you are sufficiently invested to be able to let his guard down and show his true self.

Your family won't care about the wedding they will just care about you being safe, which frankly you won't be if you get married to him.

I had a friend whose husband would buy her beautiful, expensive jewellery - every time he had beaten her senseless, her friends at the time were jealous because they only knew half of the story

OP I had this from an ex a few years ago - thankfully the red flags started to show before we got to the stage of moving in together. The first argument came as a shock because he seemed to think that he was entitled to say whatever came into his head, no matter how hurtful, and then when he calmed down, he believed that simply saying sorry makes it all fine. It turned out that he had previously undiagnosed bipolar disorder, and it got much worse so I walked away.

OP he can’t unsay shitty things and if he has no control over his anger - to the point where he’s saying things like this - then you need to dump him and don’t look back. Sorry eventually comes to mean nothing because it only holds until the next time he does it.

Your first post was bad enough, but your update was truly chilling. I’m glad you’ve decided to call things off. You’re doing the right thing, and there’s nothing you’ve done in anticipation of marriage that can’t be undone in time. The alternative is going ahead and it’s unthinkable.