The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thank you! 🙏

After a long day, we (two cats and I) are moved in. I messaged Mr Charismatic about 4pm, it’s now 8.15pm here and no reply…. Guessing he must have social plans, as he’s not one to reply to messages if he’s with someone.

Oddly, the two people who did message me asking how he move went were Mr Social (who continues to message most days, even after having made it clear he doesn’t approve of our mutual colleagues dating). And Mr Nomad, the situationship I ended things with around a month ago.

I’m not sure if he lied about it or thinks he’s taller than he is but he was definitely slightly shorter than me. I actually just measured myself there incase I’m going crazy but I’m definitely 5”8 on the button!

The more I think about it the more I realize he’s not for me. The attraction just isn’t there for me. We’ve spoken about a second date but not made any concrete plans so I think I might just let him know there wasn’t a spark. I feel bad as he is lovely!

Best of luck in your new home! I hope the move is going smoothly.

Try not to worry too much about Mr Charismatic - difficult I know - but from everything you have said it does sound like he is genuinely keen on you. Hopefully you will hear from him soon. X

I almost always go through this thought process with a date, unless he is very obviously unattractive or says something terrible.

If they are a nice guy, I usually initially think I should give them a second chance to see if the attraction develops, but when I really think about seeing them again, I just can't make myself do it.

I have decided that if there was sufficient attraction there, I would be actively keen on seeing them again. And if I'm not, if it feels like a chore or something I would have to gear myself up to do, that's a sign that it's not
worth pursuing.

Above all, don't feel guilty. If he is a nice guy, there will be plenty of women who ARE attracted and actively want to see him again. You can't help the fact that you don't.....

Mr Surfer has admitted that he has a job that isn't surfing, but seems reluctant to tell me what it is.

The conversation with him has been pretty bizarre so far. But I have to admit that his strategy is working, as I feel genuinely intrigued to see what he says next.....

He will no doubt turn out to be a feckless grifter. Guys who interest me unfailingly do .....

So long as it's not fiddling the UC or pretending to set up a business...

Brief meet with Marcus the Lawyer at lunchtime as we both have plenty on our plates. We met near St. Paul's. He was standing there looking like a cutout from a brochure, checking his Apple watch. We walked towards the Guildhall. Conversation was polished. He talks fast, clipped sentences, very decisive. Asked me about my PhD, listened for perhaps forty-five seconds, then pivoted to a story about a merger. He’s sharp. There was zero flirting. He checked his watch and said, "I have to run, but let’s do that drink next week." It felt like an interview where I haven't decided if I want the job yet. He’s attractive, in that scary-powerful way, but I felt a bit like a child with my head in the 16thC next to him.

I met PMj mid-afternoon and we debriefed on recent dates. She said Marcus the Lawyer would probably be a good FWB with no intention of it going further. My daydream of sex with him: Efficient. I picture him taking his suit jacket off, folding it perfectly over a chair, and then getting straight to it. He probably has a very specific routine and expects you to keep up. I bet he’s the type to hold your jaw tight so you look at him, just to check you're paying attention. Part of me wonders if he’d even care if I got off, or if that’s just "out of scope" unless specified. Meanwhile she has said nope to Mistress-Seeker.

He sounds like a knob 😁

It would definitely be out of scope and GREAT line 😁

Leg pictures - as in men taking photos of their outstretched naked legs while on a sunbed etc. What’s that all about? Just had one from a match last night with his feet up on his garden table “after a hard day at work”… We’re 50s/60s. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It will be a slippery slope to feet pics. Take care.

Three messages from MtL, he is very keen to meet again. He knows my three dates rule. I think Marcus the Lawyer is used to women who are either trying to impress him with their knowledge of their branch of law or trying to impress him by agreeing with everything he says. I probably seem unbothered. I didn't fawn over him. I didn't ask about his bonus. I just stood there in my summer dress, being a bit stubborn about my research. He might find the fact that I have a whole world he knows nothing about kind of intriguing. Also maybe he likes that I'm not a size not much but enhanced with lip fillers and implants? Sure, I've got curves, and I'm not afraid to use them, but they are within realistic bounds. He might see that as "earthy" or "real" compared to the plastic types he hinted at dating recently. I liked his air of competence even if a bit knobbish. He was polite. Not in a fake, customer service way, but just assured; like he knows how the world works and navigates it effortlessly. It makes me feel safe, in a way? Which is ironic considering he seems like the type to eat you alive if you cross him. Is that enough to build a relationship on? Probably not. Yet it's enough to make me want to show up for that drink he is pushing for and eventually see if there's a heartbeat under the shirt. Can’t see him this coming weekend though, which is why we met earlier today. I feared younger cousins Camogie and Titanic would be hard to rein in as they hit the clubs, but that’s not them. On Saturday they want to play Wingspan.

Welcome @AquaTofana and same age group, no idea!!!

@LenaFromTheNineties I agree that competence makes a man very attractive, but Planescrash was a capable map reader, driver, payer...it's a low bar.

One of the problems is that beyond the Competence Crew are the Lost Boys who just have not got things together in various ways. I am not looking for a rescue dog and many of those are.

100% and some of the Lost Boys (God I love that film) masquerade as Competence Crew.

Mr Beered is fixing to cancel tomorrow morning's date.

"Has to go to the tip so should be on time"

I suggested he reschedule. Low effort!

Hi guys! Long time no see! I haven’t been on here for ages so I’m
completely out of the loop with all the posts! I hope dating is going ok for you all.
just to update on Mr Cheval who some of you may remember I matched with in Feb (1st Feb). It’s now 6 months. We are firmly in a relationship, and have just been away on our first break together (with his daughter). We have 3 kids between us (his have 2 mums) and both have our own houses living 30-40 mins apart. We have had our fair share of bumps in the road with kids and exes but the relationship is going amazingly still. We have had a lovely time together. We are in the early stages of merging families etc but are starting to become firm fixtures in each others lives and plan a future together. This is very different to any other relationship I have had. I just wanted to post this to give those struggling with dating the hope that dating can work. I was single for 7 years before meeting Mr Cheval x

@bluedabadeedabadoo Congratulations 🎊💐🥳🍾🥂

Thanks so much for the update 😍

I can't believe it has been six months!

@bluedabadeedabadoo that’s amazing, thanks for giving us hope! What age bracket are you? If you don’t mind me asking?!

Thank you for sharing that - a ray of hope! So pleased for you. X

Hmm. I can imagine him being kind of sexy, from the way you describe him. But also, as @Nosdacariadso succinctly puts it, a knob?

But if he has piqued your interest, no harm in going for drinks. Who knows, he could have hidden depths? And if not, may still be a good prospect for some no strings fun. (I think you have said you would consider that, though looking more for FWB than short term hook ups?/

What is it with men and the tip? My FWB LOVES the tip. It's a massive day out for him - he is so happy every time he has an excuse to go.

But I don't think even he would prioritise the tip over a date..... (Actually there is little he would prioritise over a date, absolute womaniser that he is.....)

@bluedabadeedabadooAmazing update! So glad to hear how it’s turning out.

Mr Surfer has now said his job is "professional leg rubber" - but has yet to enlighten me further (I have asked). Masseur? Physio? Gigollo? Who knows....

I've half agreed to meet him for drinks, despite him meeting hardly any of the criteria I agreed with Gemini....But he says he isn't available till mid August. Clearly the leg rubbing/surfing/feckless grifting imposes a relentless schedule.....

AND, I remember one or two of you questioned whether my daughter's dad might be interested in pursuing something with me, when I mentioned how helpful he has been lately? I am starting to wonder if you are right. It's my birthday soon, and he has sent a very generous gift... I know my daughter has got other things for me (that he is probably footing the bill for to be fair) so this is very much from him....

Not quite sure how I feel about it - we get on well, and with all the numerous dating disappointments, it's tempting to look back on what we had with rose-tinted glasses? But I have to remember he cheated, and I have no reason to think he wouldn't again.....