The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I am OK thank you - though I am sitting out on the green outside my flat, and I must admit the fact that there are loads of families out playing is making me feel reassured - I would feel slightly on edge if there was nobody about!

But I don't think there is any need - fortunately we didn't have any kind of discussion about where I live, plus he lives quite a distance away thank God so he wouldn't know my area and be able to put any clues together about my location from stuff I might casually have mentioned (if you see what I mean).

But I hate that he has made me feel even slightly unsettled like this! (And the irony, of him saying I was the one putting him at risk...... )

@Ilovelurchers I am so glad you didn't meet him.

I'm so sorry he behaved this way. Please feel free to just block next time 💜

I saw Planescrash driving his car. He looked confused when I waved. Like old man confused.

Thank you. You are right, I think I worry too much about the feelings of men who have already shown themselves to be boundary-trampling manipulators.....

I really wish you could leave a message then block but they could still see the goodbye message. But on all the apps I use, as soon as you block the chat disappears. I need to just toughen up about that - it is what it is.

Meanwhile, Planes. Does he ever drink drive, or would he, do you think? That was my first thought when I read this post - obviously I may be being grossly unfair, even to the Crash .....

Get how that’s a turn off but he might be wondering why you don’t want one and it might make him suspicious. As I get further into this OLD I’m realising just how scary ‘they could be anyone’ scenario is. I don’t like phone calls early on. I also don’t like voice calls, only video calls which someone didn’t understand.

Sorry @Ilovelurchers didn’t read update. Bullet dodged. Imagine his pride is hurt and he’s lashing out. Hopefully he feels a bit stupid. Clearly no great loss

I don't think he would wilfully go over the limit on an evening but I think he might be over the limit the morning after and not think about it.

This was about 18:15 though.

I get your impulse to explain yourself because you are fair minded, but not your responsibility to school this loser in respect xxx

Are you worried about his mental health at the moment?

It's so difficult - of course you are not going to just automatically stop caring about him. But just keep reminding yourself how many chances you gave him, and how he kept letting you down. Even if things are tough for him right now, that was still a choice.

If he is depressed I do have every sympathy, but ultimately he has to at least try to help himself.

Also, it sounds like he has plenty of friends around him and people who care about him. So please don't feel you are responsible in any way for protecting his well being. Xxx

I've got a date with Mr 2nd Time tonight - the chat has been going really well, but I am trying to not feel too optimistic in case I jinx the whole thing ....

Just been to the hairdresser - my hairdresser is a fucking genius! So I feel as ready for this date as I can be - if I am not to his taste even with my hair all smooth and shiny, there is nothing I can do about that! 🤣

He has his harem around him.

I am concerned for his mental health and his physical health. His finances are a disaster. It is like watching a slow mo crash.

Sorry, it's off topic really.

I hope your date goes well and you may have forgotten how hot you are with your perfect hair.

Strut in there with spellbinding siren energy and consider whether he is cool enough for YOU!

Don't apologise - please. And I think we all talk about anything and everything on here, as well as just dating - nothings off topic!

Are you still feeling the temptation to contact his family? I can imagine it must be awful to see him like this - you can't just turn off your feelings for someone. I'd hate to see anyone I had loved in that state, even if we split up years ago. And your break up was painfully recent! X

I feel like it would be an overstep really.

His landlady and ex over the road would be better placed.

I'm trying to remember he's an adult.

@Nosdacariad I know you're concerned about Planecrash on some level - because you're a decent human being. However, when you were with him he seemed to try to make it very clear that he was surrounded by women waiting to step in. Now, I think he's lost his right to your kindness - and while he may feel he's lost his dignity - he really hasn't been shy about so many other potentially embarrassing scenarios with you - so I think if he needed your help this time, he'd ask for it.

@empirebiscuits12 I like the sound of what's developing with Mr Teacake and just to echo others - I think you should give him a chance.

@Ilovelurchers - the whole phonecall fiasco gave you an excellent insight into Rollerskate's character. At least you can say it was a learning experience. All the best with your date with Mr 2ndTime tonight! Swishy hair and all!

I have my date with Mr Maths tonight. Pleased that he took the initiative to contact me after his week away with friends and set up this date. I've barely chatted with him beyond the basics, so expectations are low.

@Chocolatefreak hope it goes really well!

Thanks for your comments 🧡, embarassing scenarios yes!, which in particular?

I am going to try to stay in my lane.

Good luck! What sort of date is it? X

Just keep in mind that my expectations were low going into my date with Mr Teacake!

Thanks everyone for your well wishes this week. My DD ended up leaving A&E after several hours of waiting. Got her an emergency GP appt the next day and she has a chest and throat infection. She has underlying medical issues which made NHS111 quite concerned and that was why we were sent to A&E. She’s slowly on the mend and managed to eat last night after 6 days without food, one faint and numerous dizzy spells.

Still keeping up the chat with Mr Teacake and will wait to see how my DD is by the weekend, and if okay to leave on her own (she’s 22!) then we’ll be meeting for date 2 😊

Aww that must have been a worry.

Glad she's on the mend and I hope that teacake is supportive.

Bless you both - what a worry. Really pleased you are getting some support, and that's great news that she has managed to eat. Hope her recovery continues smoothly.

And that's brilliant news about Teacake - you deserve some fun and happiness!

Mr 2nd Tine was an interesting guy to chat to - quite funny and quirky. And sweet - I ended up telling him about my dad's end of life journey and he was a really good listener - it was a strangely lovely moment.

And while it wasn't lust at first sight, he had really good hair and I could imagine starting to fancy him if we got to know each other better.

But at the end I said he could kiss me and it was a bad kiss - he sort of weirdly grabbed my face quite hard. Probably the 2nd worst kiss of my life. Of the ones I can remember.

Now I don't know what to think......

Ooh difficult one Lurchers!

Do you think he realised he got it wrong?

He has just this moment messaged me saying he enjoyed the kiss...... 🤷🤣

Oh nooo 😬 Did you like him enough to let him try again? Maybe nerves?

Oh...so difficult!

This may not help but Mr Beered kissed much better second time.

Was it so dreadful you can't risk it again?

Thanks both!

I am going to sleep on it - possibly? I did like him. He asked a lot of questions and seemed genuinely interested in me, my life, thoughts and experiences.
And we were very politically aligned......

Maybe a previous partner had enjoyed that style of kissing and told him she liked it? We are all different. It was odd as I think he may have been trying to be quite passionate/sort of dominant, almost? Yet in general he wasn't that sort of guy - he was really right on, super-reoextful, quite feminist, more of a gentle guy.....

Think I need to sleep on it and see what my feelings are in the morning. Thanks for your support - it's great to have a place to share this stuff!

@Ilovelurchers definitely sleep on it. It can sometimes take a while to get used to someone’s style of kissing and vice versa. With Mr Teacake I would have definitely liked a little more tongue….he was a bit like a cuckoo clock 🙈 but it was definitely passionate and I think there’s potential and something to work with! As a person he was very sweet, caring and gentle. But then suddenly when we were standing next to each other he looked down and had “that look” in his eye that made it clear he was about to kiss me, and I honestly can’t think of a sexier pre-kiss moment I’ve had. Ever. I’m willing to work on the kisses but mainly because it was probably a 7/10 which means there’s something to work with.

Mr Peach was a shocking kisser. He used his entire fat tongue as though he was licking an ice cream cone. He even commented that it seemed as though I kept backing away when we kissed 😆

I know I’m rambling now and likely no help, sorry!