The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Just reported someone on Bumble - we were chatting about how his hamster had died recently - totally normal chat, a bit jokey, a bit sweet, and I said he should consider tropical fish. And he said (and I quote) "Fish ent the best for holding my nuts deep in their mouth".

Sorry, you what now? Who goes from pet death chat, to that????

I hope they ban him. I asked Gemini and she seems to think they will......

I hope gemini is right x

I’ve been thinking about this. Not so much with looks and intelligence but with income. If an older bloke is minted and a woman is attracted great. Neither he nor she seems to mind but if the roles are reversed men feel emasculated and it’s an awkward situation. Asked Mr Spanner if he read books. No. Whilst that would have been nice it doesn’t bother me., I’ve got a book group for that.
Spent another night with Mr Spanner. Had such a lovely relaxed evening. He’s staying over another 2 nights. On paper this is bloody ridiculous! He also asked me to a thing on Sunday where a few of his friends will be so that will be interesting.

I am loving the sound of Mr Beered! I’m imaging a great, kind hulk of a man! Would you delete Planes number from your phone?

Sounds exciting. The pic thing is so hard to read sometimes. They have one where they look weird and then one where they look really good. It’s the array of haircuts and facial hair ones that have me scratching my head about what they even look like, they look decades apart. Mr Spanner could have gone either way from his. He said I looked better than mine ❤️.

@duckingclueless I could but I know where he'll be on any given night (one of two pubs) and he lives up the road.

It remains a mystery how he can do that much pub going and run a car on UC.

Mr Spanner is doing well, and photos are such a bad indicator...

What a total weirdo!!

I’d happily travel for someone if they were a great match. Good luck!

Last Post

Took the DLR with the cousins yesterday to see them off. I am always surprised at how ‘in the city, the London City Airport feels. Then after some back and forth the meet with Marcus the Lawyer was last night. I felt in advance that if the chemistry was right, I wanted to end the night feeling at least provisionally claimed and with a man who actually knows what he's doing. It went well. Without posting something that gets this filtered, I have to share that his endowment was interesting. Not in the large v small way, although I would guess he was medium plus, but shape. Think fruit. Comes in bunches. He’ll be good for a few dates and in the meantime, I’ll stop any other questing and just enjoy the fruit.

Anyway, the ‘not convinced’ comment. I give up here then. It has been a useful thread. Thanks. My take on dating today, at least for someone my age, is that the three Hs rule: Hapless, Hilarious, Horrendous. Usually two at a time, sometimes all three.

Notes to self for the future when the Marcus episode ends:
Stop writing a shopping list of what you want and write an invitation to who you are. The man who's right for you won't be the one who checks every box. He'll be the one who makes you forget you had a list in the first place.

Great update, the mind boggles! Grapes I thought...then 🪶💡🪶 I think those are bananas!

Invitation to who you are - won't that bring the feckless, hapless, witless who want to bask in your light?

Glad things are going well with Marcus - enjoy! X

Mr Rollerskate is now pissing me off - having said it was fine not to have a phonecall, he now keeps bringing it up, like he is making some massive sacrifice/taking a terrifying risk by meeting me without a phonecall first.

I realise perhaps he is nervous but it's a massive turn off to be honest. Also, I can't quite work out what he is so scared of - we are meeting in a public place, so even if I was 12 blokes intent on attacking him, I'd struggle to get away with it in a crowded city station. And what would the puonecall prove anyway? The 12 murderous blokes could easily have a female friend .....

Tempted to tell him not to bother......

Also Lena, I don't fully understand your reference to "the not convinced comment" but have scrolled back and fear you may have misinterpreted something and thought someone was questioning your genuineness, whereas I am 100% it wasn't meant like that, but was a comment on the type of men you are looking for not being easily available.

Forgive me if I have totally misunderstood you, and maybe you just feel ready to leave the thread, but I would hate you to leave upset over a misunderstanding. X

Yeah - I think @LenaFromTheNineties misinterpreted a comment from @Nosdacariad about whether men like the lawyer / finance guy are on OLD. I don't think @Nosdacariad was suggesting for a moment you were being disingenuous, Lena. She is the most supportive person on this thread!

For what it is worth, I have encountered all the types of people Lena mentions online dating (and otherwise), and they are all almost universally arseholes.

40 - 60 year old men in the City in law/finance who are not emotionally stunted, materalistic fuckwits? Almost all married.

Single, emotionally available, intelligent and kind ones are an extremely rare beast. If you get lucky you get one just out of a marriage, in that sweet spot where the divorce and financial arrangements are finalised and they have moved on emotionally, preferably with an easy co-parenting relationship.

I know that is a sweeping statement, but it is based on long professional and personal experience. London is well-known to be a difficult city to date in. I hope you get lucky, Lena, and if not, enjoy the banana for what it is!

Yeah fuck that. You are not doing him a favour. Why are these men so angsty.

Morning all, lovely to read all the updates and sad for those where things haven’t worked out.

Still going well with Mr K, almost 4 months now. He was not a serial dater and I was his first post separation which is nice as he’s a relationship kind of man. Only managing to see each other once a week though as we both have quite busy lives but all bumping along very nicely indeed xxx

@Ilovelurchers he is showing you he is a man who cannot accept a miniscule boundary.

At this point I am blocking him.

Support your choice, whatever it is 💜

This sounds just perfect 💘💘💘

Oh no @LenaFromTheNineties I am genuinely sorry I upset you.

I would be sad if you went. I've enjoyed the writing enormously. 💜💜💜

You are quite right. I gave him one more chance, and he is still insisting that he needs to speak to me on the phone before he will meet me.

I am going to message him and explain that I'm unwilling to meet anyone who can't accept my boundary. I'll keep it pretty polite, but actually I am pretty disgusted at his repeated attempts to manipulate me into something I have said I am uncomfortable doing (and why).

Bullet dodged, I think. If he is like this at this point, imagine how he would be if we actually got involved with each other!

Every time you said no to anything you would have your shoulders round your ears before you uttered the word.

@Ilovelurchers Being very generous, I can understand that if there is some distance between you he wants to know if it’s worthwhile int to the effort of meeting. I’ve had FaceTime or phone calls with people for that reason. However the fact you said no no that he has continued to push it is just on big no. Good for you for sticking to your guns.

@Ilovelurchers you've dodged a bullet - whatever the reason, if he tries to pressure you to drop a boundary, then he isn’t the one. Onwards and upwards.

It got really horrible in the end - he really freaked me out.

Because we had been chatting a while I wanted to sort of round it off rather than just blocking mid-convo, so I kept saying look, it's fine, we have conflicting boundaries, let's just wish each other well and leave it. But he kept arguing about it - a mixture of DARVOing me (accusing me of trampling his boundaries, putting him at risk etc -he was about twice my size, and we were meeting in a massively public place). And also being weirdly threatening (I felt), bringing up his army training (ex military, apparently).

I spoke to Gemini about it and she seemed to think he was a control freak with a power complex. He did make weird comments earlier in the chat - for example he said I was "bold" because I suggested a location to meet. And he told me he found OLD "degrading".

I have definitely dodged a bullet, but I hated getting into an argument with him, and now I feel ever so slightly unsettled that he may try to track me down. (It was on Facebook dating, which feels less secure somehow). And use his army training to do so......

Ignore me, I am just being paranoid I am sure. But, URGH!

@Ilovelurchers What an absolute nut job. Yes that absolutely is threatening. Are you ok??
It’s no surprise people ghost each other when this is how some people respond. You tried to do the right thing and he’s behaved like a bully.