The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

And yes to this thread being amazing for support 🥰

Morning! @Ilovelurchers I guess it's hard to know what made him do that.

As @empirebiscuits12 said it may be feedback from a previous partner, a momentary lapse, a sign of his approach in bed...

Hilarious kiss analysis! @Ilovelurchers perhaps all is not lost, you can train him? @empirebiscuits12 interested to know the cuckoo clock scenario 😂(also glad your daughter's ok).

@Nosdacariad I was referring to Planecrash's ED - which he didn't seem to be embarrassed about - always so self-defeating when men pretend it's not happening. I think in general he was lacking in self-awareness. Things seem to be progressing nicely with Mr Beered though, I'm glad to hear!

My date last night was fine. He was fine. Looked good, politics and values good, we had a nice if rather boring conversation. He had a tendency to tell rather long stories without much of a punchline or point! He suggested a second date which I've provisionally agreed to. Not sure if it's worth it!

Loving the kissing run downs 😂 cuckoo clock nearly made me do that MN tgink of spluttering my coffee everywhere!

Some are so dire - Mr T of course is amazing lol - we kiss all the time - but tbf it has improved - for both of us he says/I know! - from first time - getting used to each other’s style is the thing I guess - unless they’re insistent on slobbering or cuckoo-ing

Anyway @IlovelurchersI think it may be worth another shot and definitely @empirebiscuits12sounding very promising - the kissing on the first date same as with Mr T only didn’t quite stop there as my flat was handy ha - that was April - but it just gets better every time - kissing, rest of it and enjoying the dates - really does - fingers crossed for you.

It’s hard when you care, and when you’re a caring person - but he’s a grown ass man and maybe he needs to crash and burn to reset himself or maybe he’ll muddle on through as always with harem, some charm and a firm belief he is soaring not crashing! Keep strong.
Beered sounds good - it’s nice to have a decent one - enjoy - and don’t forget when you were with him and saw crash your first feeling was to be sorry for him, not to replace Beered, not to rip his clothes off - the big feelings around him have gone - you’re left with pity - be glad you’re not picking up his pieces for no good return 💗

Hope he is less boring second time!

Thanks - yes you make a good point. I think the ED has been the case for years and he has nornlmalised it to himself x

Loving the 🛩 references 😁 Crashing not soaring!

I'm leaning towards seeing 2nd Tine again, as I enjoyed his company - I have suggested to him we do some kind of activity together (I metioned mini golf, bowling or craft) and he said to leave it with him so that he could see what he could come up with? So I'll wait and see what he says.

The two things concerning me are:
A) the kiss. I have spoken to a few friends about it, and also Gemini. Gemini more or less accused him of being an abuser! And one of my male friends said a kiss like this showed a limited grasp of the concept of consent. 😱 But it didn't FEEL scary or dangerous, just awkward and unsexy. A lot would hinge on the next kiss, to be fair - I'd be hoping that one was an aberration.....

B) his living situation. In terms of values it actually speaks well of him - he has taken in his elderly mother as she requires care. But she is sleeping on the sofa.... So it doesn't sound like staying over at his would be an option, should things progress. This isn't a total deal breaker, but I do see it as a potential obstacle.

On the plus side he seems a nice guy, good listener, and we seems to share lots of interests and values. And I very much respect the line of work he is in, and his reasons for pursuing it.

We'll see.

Did your date ask any questions?

I have really noticed with a lot of my dates that many people don't ask anything at all! I get to the end of two hours and feel like I know loads about them, there families, jobs, pets, hobbies etc, and they know nothing at all about me.....

Boring isn't a great sign, but could be down to nerves perhaps? Also was he drinking? I find sometimes if someone else is drinking and I am not, they can tell anecdotes that seem quite boring/pointless......

@Ilovelurchers I have questions

🧡 Is it definitely HIS place he and his Ma live in?

💜 If she requires care why is SHE on the sofa?

🧡 Are we sure it's his MA he lives with?

On the plus side, using his initiative on date planning 😘

He was ok at asking questions but actually neither of us asked the deeper questions - why we got divorced, or what we're looking for exactly etc. We have kids the same age, so we talked about them and our careers and how we ended up in the place where we live. Fairly superficial stuff. We each had a couple of small beers, so not drunk!

For me an important thing is how people spend their spare time/how active they are, to make sure we have at least one activity in common - and if they're actually divorced yet (a deal breaker for me)! TBH I haven't even thought about him today, which goes to show how uninvested I am in him.

Maybe 2nd Time was nervous, hence the awkward kiss? I do think it's difficult for men to judge the right time - they need to demonstrate interest but then again, it needs to be consensual - then nerves stop them spotting the right signals!

These are good questions.

So, he actually lives with a sibling and they co-own the house (he said) which is unusual in itself.

He said their mom was in hospital for a prolonged stay, and when she was due to be discharged was not well enough to live alone. He said it's not an ideal solution, but he is not clear what the next steps will be.

I too did wonder why she was on the sofa if she isn't well. I can't imagine making my mom sleep on the sofa. It's possible it's some fantastically comfortable sofa bed (my brother has one that is honestly bigger and more comfy than my actual bed - I love going to stay there!) but it's equally possible it's not. He did say "sofa" more "sofa bed".....;

To be honest, I haven't heard much from him today, he hasn't come up with any suggestions for the date, and I am not feeling remotely bothered - if anything slightly relieved. I am certainly not going to do any chasing - if he comes back with a good suggestion I will go, but in my mind I am fairly clear it's not am option for anything more than friendship (no benefits involved either! 🤣)

I see what you mean - not thinking about him is a telling sign. That's pretty much where I am with 2nd Time too.....

Back to the drawing board. I have NO promising matches at the moment - need to get swiping, but it's so hard to be bothered ......

@Ilovelurchers- at risk of excusing 2nd time - his mum may have to sleep on the sofa if she can’t get upstairs - I mean there’s options then for the downstairs, but if it’s a recent thing that she needs care.

Still if you’re not thinking about him I think that says enough in itself tbh.

Onwards and upwards then - you deserve the best - though it’s hard to keep the bother isn’t it - hopefully you have some good stuff for you to enjoy and distract from OLD.

@MsJinks makes a good point. It does sound fraught with difficulty already and if he has not planned anything...

Wishing everyone eligible irons this weekend.

Seeing Mr Beered tomorrow. I have a new one date a week max for the first month rule. This will be three weeks.

Morning 😊

For those asking about the cuckoo clock kissing, it went a little like this.

Him: Little poke with the tip of his tongue.

Me: Oh, tongue! Pokes mine out too.

Him: Removes tongue quickly.

And repeat!! 😂 I would’ve liked it to stay a bit longer but I’m willing to train him 😂😂

😆🤣😆 - loving the description haha.

Ive had those kisses - disconcerting- making out like a lizard 👀

Training is the key - or bite onto it and keep it in there ha - maybe not eh!

Sounds a bit experimental, as in not wanting to overstep...

This is hilarious! 🤣

I think 2nd Time could be slow fading me, and I actually couldn't care less - would in fact be slightly relieved if he did!

I have no worthwhile irons at the moment so have just done a bit of swiping on all three apps I am currently on. We'll see. I've got quite a bit lined up with friends and family over the next few weeks, so don't feel too bad about it right now.......

Beered sounds lovely - I hope it goes well. What have you got planned for this date?

@Ilovelurchers maybe someone in the wild?

Plan was walk and dinner though I think a band may have snuck in too 😁

Sounds perfect. I admire your boundary of one date per week - I think it’s really sensible.

I got too caught up in the chemistry of the first Friday date with Mr T and was there for it again by Sunday tgen had the ‘in the garden’ thing by Wednesday - though going well to date - somehow!

Could’ve been worse - technically 3rd date with mr Situationship but 1st out, out one I stayed over that night and next - 10 year disaster zone lol - never found out his shitty values till I was all in!

I’m hoping I mightn’t need all these tips of course - but definitely taking notes on them!

I learned from "Crashing not soaring" one date first week to four nights a week by week 3.

It's fine if values turn out to align 😁

While I love the idea of meeting someone on line, I feel like the chances are slim. My friend, who is also single and is utterly gorgeous, and I spent about four hours yesterday in a busy pub garden overlooking the canal close to our city centre, and in all that time not a single guy approached us, caught our eye, anything - I feel like in years gone by we would have likely been chatted up at least once. (We would both have been completely open to any polite approach from a guy - we discussed this beforehand).

Tomorrow I am in the city again at an event which may be the sort of thing one meets people at, but I am going with a (totally platonic, married) male friend (we are friends of many years' standing and his wife is completely cool with it.) I suitors feel like being with a guy will effectively repel all suitors, should there be some miracle be any! Though I feel desperate enough at this point to wear a T-shirt saying "I'm not with him!"

In OLD news I've got a couple of new chats going on Hinge, one of which I am cautiously excited about. I won't bother naming any of them until a date is booked in, as at this rate I will run out of names - I am pretty sure I have had at least two "Mr Cats" as it is!