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Relationships

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The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾πŸ₯‚

627 replies

Nosdacariad · 19/07/2026 14:47

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

OP posts:
Mildred007 · Yesterday 09:31

Good morning! Just catching up!

@Thiswillbefun glad you had a fab solo holiday! I keep thinking about doing this. I bought myself a smaller tent last year with the intention of some solo camping but haven't braved it yet.

@Betsy95 This is not ok. Please report to police. At least it will be on record should things escalate (hopefully they won't!!)

@Sunshineontheway Shame about Mr F1 but at least he showed his colours before meeting. Viking sounds promising!

@Nosdacariad I'm actually pleased you bumped into Plane Crash & that you felt you no longer fancied him. The fact you felt a bit sorry for him just shows your kind character- and if you'd have continued with him, developing stronger feelings I imagine you would have gone into saving mode which wouldn't have been good for you x

I had an amazing first date with Mr Spa Saturday!! Need to jump into a work meeting now but will update later...

Ilovelurchers · Yesterday 09:54

Nosdacariad · 02/08/2026 18:38

Of course he knew it was me. He stood where he could see me, I even clocked the double take.

I should feel triumphant (bought lunch in a posh pub by a great big handsome bear of a man who looks younger but isn't, looking the best I can look) but I feel sad that he looked terrible and guilty that he looked stricken (although I didn't choose the venue, and I've been going to that pub 20 years longer than planes).

Also no pdas so maybe not obv it was a date. And I have to remember planes went for posh meals with other women WHILE WE WERE A COUPLE!

Edited

NO GUILT! He did this to himself!

Ilovelurchers · Yesterday 10:00

LenaFromTheNineties · 02/08/2026 19:15

I hope Marcus the Lawyer this week leads to something interim. Am a bit worn out by the digital pile of rejection. Some that come to mind:

β€˜Simon with the dog’. This was a couple of months ago. Seemed sweet. We made a plan to have a drink, and the day of, he cancelled because his dog β€˜had an emergency’. Like dog’s do I suppose. He said he'd reschedule. Never heard from him again. Guess the dog made the decision for him.

β€˜Rupert’. 40s, finance, looks very polished in a Hackett kind of way. Current simmering possibility. He actually sent a thoughtful opener about my profile. He's incredibly intense. We’ve been messaging for three days and he already wants to know my "five-year plan." I feel like I'm being vetted for a merger. It’s exhausting.

β€˜Liam’, the tattoo artist. We chatted for a bit in May. He was funny, edgy, sent me a photo of a half-finished sleeve that was genuinely cool, but I would never ever want (I have pierced ears and that is as far as body modification will go for me). I was intrigued. Then... silence. Poof. Vanished into the ether. No goodbye, no "sorry, met someone else." Just left me on read. That’s maddening. I’m actually glad I didn't get too far into anything, but it’s a special kind of blow to the ego to be discarded by a man covered in ink who I haven't even met yet.

It has been a collective parade of emotionally unavailable boys and mediocre men who either talk too much or not at all. Essentially, a minefield of low effort and high disappointment. Come on, they should be pursuing me with intention and clarity, taking the lead to plan a proper date and actually showing up. They need to stop treating interaction like a passive transaction and start demonstrating they have the drive and competence to handle a real woman. Deep down I probably scare them, but they will have a little try, then fade.

"Five-year-plan" - WTAF! Mine is to still be alive.

As for you scaring them - you could be right - this strikes me as a possibility for everyone on this thread, as you all strike me, as I have said before, as intelligent, self-rrflrctuve, articulate, sparky, funny women. As, in my better moments, I know I am too.

And I DO think this scares a certain percentage of men, who like to be the funniest and cleverest, and to have the last word ....

But those men need to have a fucking word with themselves, to be honest. I would LOVE to find a really intelligent, articulate partner - how great would that be. I wouldn't compare myself to him and worry that I was found wanting. Life's not a competition.

But perhaps, for some men (and women maybe) it is....

Sunshineontheway · Yesterday 10:03

Nosdacariad · Yesterday 09:26

@Thiswillbefun @Sunshineontheway burned haystack calls this "test and apologise". It's a boundary push.

Have you seen Kate Taylor dating coach?

She has some good, funny advice.

I need to check out burned haystack!

I followed Kate Taylor after seeing you mention her. She seems great, thank you

Nosdacariad · Yesterday 10:07

@Ilovelurchers please know you are great, funny and you write so brilliantly.

Been chatting to planes' ex over the road who thinks he's not in a good way and I feel like I should tell someone in his family, also I know it's no longer my business.

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · Yesterday 10:09

Sunshineontheway · Yesterday 09:07

Mr f1 took himself of the list for me last night. Whilst he booked in a date with Me yesterday for when I'm home 11pm rolled around and he was asking for pictures...πŸ™„ blocked and deleted.

Viking is still giving great chat, is moving to deeper subjects and being super respectful.

Also now have started chatting to an old work colleague from 25 years ago. He commented on a photo I posted and is now chatting in my inbox clearly flirting. I had a crush on him back then but have seen him posting his life, string of girlfriends and never settled down so wary with that one..

So sorry about Mr F1 - I fucking hate this, have had it a few times. It's like they think that when a date is booked in they are free to show their true, abhorrent selves, and we will be so grateful to have a shot of being lifted off the shelf they imagine us on that we will blindly overlook it.

Did he specify nudes, or just more pictures of you? Either is shit - obviously the first one is much worse, but even the second implies he wants to double check your hotness before wasting time on a date - well he can fucking get over himself.

We all, I am sure, have a few pictures on our profile - so what possible need can there be to ask for more?

Sorry for the rant - it just pisses me off. And excellent boundaries - well done for unmatching at that point!

I still have everything crossed for Viking!

Ilovelurchers · Yesterday 10:10

Nosdacariad · Yesterday 10:07

@Ilovelurchers please know you are great, funny and you write so brilliantly.

Been chatting to planes' ex over the road who thinks he's not in a good way and I feel like I should tell someone in his family, also I know it's no longer my business.

Oh God, that's so hard..... You are clearly a very caring person so of course you want to help - but he clearly DOES have other women looking out for him. (Ex, landlady, etc) So I don't think you need to take this on. Not that he would be your responsibility even if he had noone - but in this case he is even less so, if you see what I mean...

Nosdacariad · Yesterday 10:33

@Ilovelurchers I do need to mind my own business. It may be that the financial plane has finally crashed.

Temptation to message him is strong.

Mr Beered is bringing his best game right now and is hotter than hades (in my eyes anyway!).

OP posts:
Sunshineontheway · Yesterday 10:35

Ilovelurchers · Yesterday 10:09

So sorry about Mr F1 - I fucking hate this, have had it a few times. It's like they think that when a date is booked in they are free to show their true, abhorrent selves, and we will be so grateful to have a shot of being lifted off the shelf they imagine us on that we will blindly overlook it.

Did he specify nudes, or just more pictures of you? Either is shit - obviously the first one is much worse, but even the second implies he wants to double check your hotness before wasting time on a date - well he can fucking get over himself.

We all, I am sure, have a few pictures on our profile - so what possible need can there be to ask for more?

Sorry for the rant - it just pisses me off. And excellent boundaries - well done for unmatching at that point!

I still have everything crossed for Viking!

I'm on holiday so he asked for bikini pics, on and off πŸ™„

He was hard work to get any depth out of anyway, just sent a run down of his day each day.

Enjoying chat with Mr Viking much more so no real loss. Better now than after catching feelings 😊

Sunshineontheway · Yesterday 10:37

Nosdacariad · Yesterday 10:33

@Ilovelurchers I do need to mind my own business. It may be that the financial plane has finally crashed.

Temptation to message him is strong.

Mr Beered is bringing his best game right now and is hotter than hades (in my eyes anyway!).

Edited

Of course you want to make sure he's OK, men like that sense our caring nature and latch onto it. But as @ilovelurchers said he's got others around him to make sure he's OK.

You deserve a hot MrBeered 😊

Thiswillbefun · Yesterday 10:48

@NosdacariadI have never heard of Kate Taylor. Does she do podcasts? Pushing boundaries won't work with me! It just makes them look weird!

Please put planes out of your head - or write a big long cons list! I am in love with the image of what my ex could have been but in reality it was never going to happen.

Thiswillbefun · Yesterday 10:49

@Mildred007definetly try the solo holiday! I have booked a 2 night solo camping trip next - it will be good to escape!

Thiswillbefun · Yesterday 10:50

@Mildred007Mr Spa Saturday - great name!

Nosdacariad · Yesterday 11:06

Sunshineontheway · Yesterday 10:35

I'm on holiday so he asked for bikini pics, on and off πŸ™„

He was hard work to get any depth out of anyway, just sent a run down of his day each day.

Enjoying chat with Mr Viking much more so no real loss. Better now than after catching feelings 😊

Gross of him but great that he told on himself before you wasted any more of your precious time on him.

OP posts:
Nosdacariad · Yesterday 11:07

Thiswillbefun · Yesterday 10:48

@NosdacariadI have never heard of Kate Taylor. Does she do podcasts? Pushing boundaries won't work with me! It just makes them look weird!

Please put planes out of your head - or write a big long cons list! I am in love with the image of what my ex could have been but in reality it was never going to happen.

Kate Taylor does fb/instagram reels x

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · Yesterday 11:25

Nosdacariad · Yesterday 10:33

@Ilovelurchers I do need to mind my own business. It may be that the financial plane has finally crashed.

Temptation to message him is strong.

Mr Beered is bringing his best game right now and is hotter than hades (in my eyes anyway!).

Edited

Beered sounds great - I am quite jealous in fact! How many dates has it been now?

Re Planes, not that I am any relationship, expert, far from it, but you probably just have to feel the feelings and wait for them to diminish over time. From what I remember you did love him? And I am not sure love ever truly leaves us (or not unless the person does something SO despicable it drives it out - and even then not always). So you will probably always feel a tenderness towards him and an interest in his well-being - because you are clearly a caring, compassionate woman.

But your first loyalty should be (in my opinion) to yourself, and sadly it does sound like any further involvement with him would only cause you pain down the line.

But I am sure I speak for everyone when I say we wouldn't judge you whatever you decided to do. And I am in no position to talk about this - I am still periodically sleeping with one of my exes (FWB) and text him most days, and yesterday I told DD's dad to tell his mom (who is pet sitting for them) that I was happy to be on hand for any emergency while he is away with DD and the extended family of the affair partner he left me for! So my boundaries with exes, at least when I am single, are pretty shot to fuck. (I don't do any of this when I am in a relationship, as I am prone to jealousy about exes myself, so it would be hypocritical to be more than loose friendly aquaintances with an ex if and when I find a boyfriend).

Sorry, that was much longer than I intended. In brief, I think on the whole it would be better not to contact Planescrash, but also fully understand and sympathise with your desire to.

Ilovelurchers · Yesterday 11:26

Sunshineontheway · Yesterday 10:35

I'm on holiday so he asked for bikini pics, on and off πŸ™„

He was hard work to get any depth out of anyway, just sent a run down of his day each day.

Enjoying chat with Mr Viking much more so no real loss. Better now than after catching feelings 😊

Bikini pics? I am no prude, but yuk! So seedy.....

I'm definitely Team Viking.

Ilovelurchers · Yesterday 11:32

I don't have loads to report dating-wise - still on for a date with Mr 2nd Time on Weds and our chat is rolling along naturally and nicely - discussing books and our thoughts about theatre and stuff like that, which I do find interesting, but he doesn't seem super-pretentious like that poetry-sending guy I had.

He does have a slightly piss-taking sense of humour, but so do I, so our exchanges have a bit of bite to them - one actually slightly offended me a little till I realised he was joking - will just keep an eye on that - it probably works better in person than over message. It's a delicate balance - I like a laugh, but I don't want to end up with one of those people who thinks it's funny to completely rip the piss out of their loved ones.....

Mr Rollerskate mentioned the phone call again despite my ignoring his mention of it last time, so I have told him I don't like doing that, and explained why, and said that if it's a deal-breaker for him then I totally respect that, but I won't be phoning him before we've met. Will be interested to see what his response to that is. He lives a bit too far away to be ideal anyway, so I am not too invested currently - Mr 2nd Time is definitely my forerunner at the moment in the stampede of two!

Mildred007 · Yesterday 11:53

So Mr Sport did a disappearing act on me - definitely for the best. We'd swapped numbers & he'd upped the ante with his "flirtiness". I obviously wasn't giving what he was hoping for so I found myself blocked and unmatched. I'm just annoyed I didn't get there first!

Mr Smile (ex) messaged me Friday asking how a job interview I'd had gone. Nothing since.

Date from Saturday... I met Mr Spa & we went for a long walk, had a wine afterwards, which led onto lunch together. We talked about anything and everything - constant chat & laughter, it felt so easy and relaxed.
Long story short I ended up spending the whole night with him, something I have NEVER done from a first date. We had such a good time, ended up getting the train to another town, we missed our stop at the end of the night as we were too involved in our conversation so had to wait & get another train back. πŸ™ˆ
He was really respectful, told me to message someone his name & address, to take a pic of his car reg & said he'd pay for a taxi to take me home if at any point I wanted to leave. In the morning he wanted to take me out for breakfast but I needed to leave as already had plans.
He has messaged me yesterday & today to say what a great time he had & to ask about my day etc. Best first date I've had lol.

Nosdacariad · Yesterday 11:54

@Ilovelurchers thanks for the effort in your really thoughtful reply. I do appreciate it πŸ’œ

Mr Second time sounds promising and GREAT JOBπŸ’ on setting the boundary with πŸ›Ό

Mr Beered third date planned for Saturday. I am not making the mistake I made before in going almost immediately to four nights a week.

OP posts:
Nosdacariad · Yesterday 11:55

Mildred007 · Yesterday 11:53

So Mr Sport did a disappearing act on me - definitely for the best. We'd swapped numbers & he'd upped the ante with his "flirtiness". I obviously wasn't giving what he was hoping for so I found myself blocked and unmatched. I'm just annoyed I didn't get there first!

Mr Smile (ex) messaged me Friday asking how a job interview I'd had gone. Nothing since.

Date from Saturday... I met Mr Spa & we went for a long walk, had a wine afterwards, which led onto lunch together. We talked about anything and everything - constant chat & laughter, it felt so easy and relaxed.
Long story short I ended up spending the whole night with him, something I have NEVER done from a first date. We had such a good time, ended up getting the train to another town, we missed our stop at the end of the night as we were too involved in our conversation so had to wait & get another train back. πŸ™ˆ
He was really respectful, told me to message someone his name & address, to take a pic of his car reg & said he'd pay for a taxi to take me home if at any point I wanted to leave. In the morning he wanted to take me out for breakfast but I needed to leave as already had plans.
He has messaged me yesterday & today to say what a great time he had & to ask about my day etc. Best first date I've had lol.

Go Mr Spa! In the voice of Mr Punch

"That's the way to do it"

OP posts:
empirebiscuits12 · Yesterday 12:11

Lots of updates to catch up on!

I messaged Mr Teacake yesterday to say that I couldn’t see how things could move forward given his living circumstances. He told me he’d had a really great time on Saturday and had really hoped we could meet up again. He said that his legal issues are nearing the end so he’ll be on the lookout to get his own place again soon.

I don’t know what to do ladies. I’ve spoken a lot on here about having that spark and connection on a first date, and although it still wasn’t on the same level as with my recent ex, it was definitely there. Like I said, we were snogging the face off each other πŸ™ˆ So much so that a group of men at a table next to us slid us a paper bag as they were leaving and it had condoms inside πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚

I don’t know what to do. Should I just walk away from this now or keep dating relaxed and casual so I don’t get too attached until he sorts his life out? Zero red flags apart from the house situation. Not that it’s a red flag but one of my boundaries.

I had to take my DD to A&E last night and Mr Teacake checked in to ask if I was okay and if I’d eaten, as we were waiting 5 hours for DD to be seen. He seems sweet πŸ₯Ή

Clarabella77 · Yesterday 12:31

empirebiscuits12 · Yesterday 12:11

Lots of updates to catch up on!

I messaged Mr Teacake yesterday to say that I couldn’t see how things could move forward given his living circumstances. He told me he’d had a really great time on Saturday and had really hoped we could meet up again. He said that his legal issues are nearing the end so he’ll be on the lookout to get his own place again soon.

I don’t know what to do ladies. I’ve spoken a lot on here about having that spark and connection on a first date, and although it still wasn’t on the same level as with my recent ex, it was definitely there. Like I said, we were snogging the face off each other πŸ™ˆ So much so that a group of men at a table next to us slid us a paper bag as they were leaving and it had condoms inside πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚

I don’t know what to do. Should I just walk away from this now or keep dating relaxed and casual so I don’t get too attached until he sorts his life out? Zero red flags apart from the house situation. Not that it’s a red flag but one of my boundaries.

I had to take my DD to A&E last night and Mr Teacake checked in to ask if I was okay and if I’d eaten, as we were waiting 5 hours for DD to be seen. He seems sweet πŸ₯Ή

It is so hard to find anything with potential, I would keep going with teacake but do so slowly and with caution and still keep your options open.

BellaBlackberry83 · Yesterday 12:51

empirebiscuits12 · Yesterday 12:11

Lots of updates to catch up on!

I messaged Mr Teacake yesterday to say that I couldn’t see how things could move forward given his living circumstances. He told me he’d had a really great time on Saturday and had really hoped we could meet up again. He said that his legal issues are nearing the end so he’ll be on the lookout to get his own place again soon.

I don’t know what to do ladies. I’ve spoken a lot on here about having that spark and connection on a first date, and although it still wasn’t on the same level as with my recent ex, it was definitely there. Like I said, we were snogging the face off each other πŸ™ˆ So much so that a group of men at a table next to us slid us a paper bag as they were leaving and it had condoms inside πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚

I don’t know what to do. Should I just walk away from this now or keep dating relaxed and casual so I don’t get too attached until he sorts his life out? Zero red flags apart from the house situation. Not that it’s a red flag but one of my boundaries.

I had to take my DD to A&E last night and Mr Teacake checked in to ask if I was okay and if I’d eaten, as we were waiting 5 hours for DD to be seen. He seems sweet πŸ₯Ή

He sounds like a really lovely, caring guy, with whom you have spark and connection. That (as we all know) is very very rare.

if it was me, I would keep seeing him, and keep the situation under review. I would also keep an eye on finances and make sure you are not funding him in any way.

Nosdacariad · Yesterday 12:52

@empirebiscuits12 LOL at the condoms!

Perhaps it is time for an open discussion so you don't chuck the baby out with the bathwater?

OP posts: