The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Ilovelurchers I like that idea - although I was smitten when I heard his voice 🤣
How is hinge compared to Tinder - I am lost at which app to try. I am early 50s if that helps!

Oh that's so annoying - I have had this a couple of times now, and I agree with you. Unless there was a very clear and necessary reason for the guy living at home - the only one I can think of is providing essential care for an elderly and infirm parent - it's a no from me too.

If it was just a very temporary thing and he was actively sorting out somewhere else to live, maybe - I did have to move back in with my parents a while back when my dick of a partner threw me out (later begged me to come back - long story). But from the first day I was there I was on the phone to rental companies - think I ended up staying with mom and dad just under 6 weeks?

But when they are just there because it's easy, (and mom is probably doing their laundry/cooking), it's not for me. And I don't care if that makes me sound like a judgemental twat! Dating is always going to involve judgements and preferences, otherwise we would feel compelled to marry the first person we matched with.....

It's brilliant that you are putting yourself out there like this - and that you seem to be enjoying it. I am convinced this is the key - and I do go through spells of enjoying it - at other times less so. But I guess it's like those gambling ads - when the fun stops, stop.

Viking sounds hot just from the name you have given him! I'm imagining big and beardy? Love that - quite jealous in fact. My on-going chats seem to largely end up being with the more skinny, studious looking types - and while personality is more important to me than looks, I still do love a big chunk of man! (Whether it's muscle or chub doesn't bother me too much). I'd be extra excited to find my soul-mate in the body of a Viking!

Same as me. Hinge is slower and a little less gross.

@Nosdacariad I love the idea of a little less gross 🤣🤣 I will try it when I get home.

@Ilovelurchers amen to the viking! And you don't sound judgy at all. I quite agree.

Viking sounds good! I don't know what my type is anymore - interested in me and not a cheat 🤣

I'm not on Tinder currently, though I did meet my former partner on it, and though we are not together now we had a good five years, so I know it's not as bad as the reputation it is sometimes given.

Hinge I think has more detailed and interesting profiles? And it's main USP to me is that everyone only gets something like 8 likes per day, so it stops the mad "swipe right on everything" mentality a lot of guys seem to have. So if you match with someone, chances are they will actually respond to you. On the other hand, you get fewer matches.

I'm 48 by the way - not sure any apps are particularly geared towards a particular age group, though I could well be wrong..... But it hasn't felt like that in my own experience.

Largely I think they are all much of a muchness and you pick your poison......

@IlovelurchersPicking my poison is a good phrase! I like the less is more approach - I think that will suit me better.

I love holidaying alone and I have always found a meal out alone to be treat. I used to travel a lot for work so got used to it. No worrying how I'm eating or anyone to judge the extra glass of wine 🤣

I love a chunky man! Yes ginger beard, tall and the right shape for me! Massive biceps but not too 'gymy' and he likes his food. Big Broad shoulders.
And a great smile.

F1 is more classically handsome and a bit slighter. He's very tall.

I'm definitely leaning viking 😆

Not cheating is definitely the biggest one for me! Exh cheated on me with a colleague and I had him back only for him to cheat again with the same woman (13 years younger - what a cliche) 2 years later 🤦‍♀️

Viking sounds lush - quite jealous! I rarely seem to match with guys like that...... :(

@Sunshineontheway absolutely and no need to make any effort with conversation!

I took mine back and 5 years later he left me.

In fact, my FWB is a bit like this - not particularly tall but he just gives a reassuring sense of solidity - it's partly muscle, partly dad-bod, very broad shouldered..... My daughter loves posing random hypothetical questions and she asked recently who we would pick if I had to have someone defend me in a fight, and we both said him immediately, even though we have never seen him or known him fight or show an interest in violence. (He's a lover not a fighter ....)

I don't think I have a physical type as such - my dd's dad for example is very slight, and I was hugely attracted to him for a while - but if I had to design my ideal man at this point, he'd be a bigger guy, width-wise. (Unusually I am not bothered about height at all).

But I do genuinely think that when the personality and charm are there, looks, body-type etc don't make that much difference. That's why I got SO annoyed when those INCELS invaded the thread and started telling us that all women swipe and choose men on looks alone..... Absolute bollocks! Yeah, we all may have preferences, that's normal and healthy. But the implication was (I feel) that we were all stupid, shallow and entirely image-driven......

@Ilovelurchers@Nosdacariad yes im bitterly disappointed that the bakery franchise has come to an abrupt end!

He’s early 40s and moved back home a few years ago when his relationship ended. He’s working his ass off doing overtime at work because he has high legal costs fighting for access to his child. While very admirable, from what he says I don’t see an end in sight to the situation.

I have an adult daughter at home and one of my previous relationships ended after a few years when my ex began sending her inappropriate texts. So it was a very slow process to introduce my recent ex to her and build up to him staying overnight occasionally (he had his own place though). So while my own situation is complicated I can only really move forward into a relationship with someone who has their own space.

We'll see how he is in person, knowing my luck he'll talk like a young David beckham 🤣 but so far so good!

Sorry to hear that. It's a brutal thing to go through but hopefully we will find we are better off in the long run

Absolutely, I've not picked a man for his physique yet. Like you I have a picture in my head of broad and well built (not necessarily muscley), I like tall because I'm tall. But I can be turned off a hot man quickly when they start talking! Likewise my exh was not classically attractive (my friends all asked what I was thinking) but I was head over heels for him for our whole time together. So were other women apparently 🙄🤣

@Sunshineontheway we are definitely better off already :)

Types - one of my kids we say she’s seeing same guy as at 17 - she’s nearly 40! it’s not specifically deliberate though - others have not been so obvious in similar types at all.

Definitely not looks but a ‘something’ for me that turns on my attracted to them gene or whatever it is! possibly most looks challenged person I dated had the biggest harem - maybe they learn early to make the most of a smile and their chat?

Build - shallowly never gone for even a dad bod as in ‘ooh attracted’ - and I have no need to be like this btw myself! But I also realised lately I had never dated anyone not mainly slim and I’m 60 - mr Situationship the last one, and heading 60 when we split, was still toned. So yeah whilst I thought it a real difficult and bred into me preference, I thought I’d best accommodate a bit larger a bit better now at 60, but wasn’t fancying it that much - till Mr T who does have plenty of chub, and I love every bit lol - guess body is actually like face - not that important if you feel that certain something!

@empirebiscuits12 that must have been devastating.

Slight plot twist

Lunch with Mr Beered was ace. Only worry he has some health issues. I'm not sure the drinking is hideous.

Planescrash appeared in the pub a little before we left. Clocked me. Pretended he hadn't. Looked stricken (not sure if me or life in general).
I walked over to say a quick hi while date at bar. He was polite and said he wasn't sure if it was me.

@Nosdacariadthat sounds positive! Are you going to see him again?
My message is still 'unread'....

Oh that's annoying!

We talked about Saturday night 😁

I didn't fancy Planescrash when I saw him. I just felt sad.