The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Nosdacariad bugger all of bugger all is good for me! It makes sense to meet them first. I will do that next time 😅 I hope you are OK after the non-date yesterday.

@Ilovelurchers I have been nervous - going to the airport, arriving at the hotel, going to the pool and worst one going for dinner alone. But I have done them all and enjoyed them - my confidence has soared!

Non dating related advice please.

A few years ago I met someone via this thread and we were in an awful relationship.

we split up last year.

Despite changing my name on here and trying to change my style of writing he keeps managing to figure out who I am and then he sent me a private message on here when he saw my recent breakup (because I’ve blocked him on all other avenues). I reported it and had him banned. But I now know he’s set up another account and is watching my posts. I’m calling it out on here partly for your advice and partly because I know he will see this.

I need this to stop and for him to stop monitoring my life. What do I do?

@Betsy95 well if he is reading he needs to get therapy as his behaviour is not normal. I feel sorry for him being such a sad excuse of a person of he feels his behaviour is justified. Rise above him and his ridiculous ways!!

Thank you. Bin just so tired of finding ways to block him and try and hide from it.

He sent me another email from yet another email address this morning about my posts yesterday (I’ve blocked that email address too it’s the third one he has used)

I don’t want to change my user name again because I want the support of you all when I start dating again. But I don’t see another choice. So deflated.

I don’t know if I will get in trouble for posting this but here is part of the private message he sent me..

@Betsy95 oh dear - he needs some serious help. I would contact the police. Handover everything you have and they will file it. Stalking is a serious offence.

Oh no - this man needs help - but that’s absolutely irrelevant - he’s ok m, his actions are abhorrent and you’re not ok - so it is really, really important to focus on getting it stopped.

Stalking laws are not long updated - because it’s such a serious offence and so debilitating, and dangerous, to the victim.

I would go to the police now - get it logged - get him spoken to.

It is so awful for you - try and focus on doing nice things for you and post anytime for our support 💐

Holidays solo are the best - once tried would you ever go back?! Gaving said that my first solo abroad will be November - so it’s great to hear how well it’s going for you - enjoy.

@MsJinks I will certainly go on more solo holidays! I have booked to go camping on my own at the end of August. I also want to go away in October but I am buying a new home so need to keep an eye on funds. I feel so relaxed compared to going with my exh. It fab! You will love it!

We definitely find and learn new rules all the time - as we find how rubbish some decisions, made as if the guy were a normal person, turn out.

I exchange numbers just before established meet up - just in case logistics fail tbh. I learned that when I got my first dick pic 🤢 - I mean you can block them at any point but easier not to have to.

One of my reasons though is continuing the longer messages on OLD - WhatsApp lends itself to cop out messaging really - I find it annoying enough after meeting tbh lol - that’s probably a ‘me’ thing - just the ‘what you upto?’ And once ‘I had crunchy nut cornfkakes for breakfast’ (not Mr T thank god!) just make me die a little inside 🙈🤣

@MsJinks crunchy nut cornflakes for breakfast - that is so funny!!!

I agree going forwards that once a date is fixed and approaching that is the time to move to 'the real world'. I did love hearing his voice in a voice note so that is something I would love going forwards!

Ugh. Mr Teacake lives with his parents and there’s no sign of him moving out any time soon. This is one of my non negotiables.

@Betsy95’s ex. Fuck right off you absolute sad case and get a life. Imagine spending hours trawling through Mumsnet reading through threads trying to detect similarities in writing style 😂 I’ve never heard anything more pathetic. Ick.
And to @Betsy95 - definitely report this loser to the police assp, as in now. I hope you’re okay lovely x

I'm holiday so not been on for a few days but oh my goodness so much catching up to do! Will read through in a minute 😊

I'm having such a nice chat with Mr Viking. He's funny and sweet. I gave him my number to move to WhatsApp and he replied with his but said its no problem to stay on app if I feel safer which I thought was really sweet. We are meeting in person when I'm home.

Mr F1 is still consistent with messages, but still struggling to move that conversation into anything of substance! He's asked if he can see me late last night. I wasn't sure if he meant a t*t pick or a date 😆 so I assumed a date and we are also booked for when I'm home.

I'm leaning more towards viking at the mo but not getting my hopes up on either after the disappointment of Mr Teef (marshal arts) 😆

Second date with Mr space when I come home too. Hoping his nerves will be less.

Paused my apps for now as I'm feeling like I've got my hands full 😆

Marcus TL sounds promising! I laughed at precise 🤣

I set out thinking it'll just be nice to meet some new people and see if something comes of it.
I've enjoyed chatting, had a couple of ok dates and one disappointing one.
But its a fun way to fill in my child free time.
Harder than I thought not to get invested from the good chats though!

I think its really hard not to get invested when you feel the feelings, however short the relationship.
We can try not to, but I don't feel I have much control over it.
So don't be hard on yourself for investing

Exciting!!

I would be nervous too - I find travelling abroad with my daughter nerve wracking enough, as I feel like all the responsibility is on me to navigate the public transport in etc - but in reality she is just as able to work things out as I am!

I have never been abroad on my own but would love to. I admire you for doing this - it's a big step and you should be proud of yourself! And have a wonderful time.

Dm us the username if you feel able so we can refrain from engaging. Contact MN.
Not sure what else.

How vile of him and how awful for you.

I've also met a predatory man lurking on MN. I wonder if it's the same one.

I am SO sorry he has done this. What a loser - he needs help! But it must be really scary and violating too. I would actually go to the police. And if you decide to go that route (you probably know this anyway, but just in case) don't be tempted to respond to him in anger or whatever (much as it must be tempting to tell him to fuck the fuck off!). My friend engaged with her stalker over message, and because of this the police refused to take it seriously, as they said they saw it as a tit for tat thing. (Still makes me angry to this day - he was a proper psycho).

Nooooo Mr Teacake! I was so invested!

What age is he?

That sounds exciting too! Really tempted to save up to go somewhere alone too. I love holidaying with my daughter, but I would also love the experience of just being totally free and independent. I have been for a few short UK breaks like this, but never abroad.....

Some of the apps give the capacity to leave voice notes - I know Hinge does for example.

@Ilovelurchers You should definitely do it. A pool holiday is easy and mine has a snack bar so super easy to eat if you didn't fancy going to a more 'formal' restaurant. People are extra friendly - I guess checking I am OK - I am more than OK. I took it a step at a time, booked, then thought about checking in etc. and it has been so easy! It so relaxing being alone!