The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Ilovelurchers tell Mr Rollerskate to bugger off. Burned Haystack calls this "I'm the prize".

Mr Beered has not yet confirmed tomorrow night's date.

I've been having a v.revealing chat with one of the Crash's harem.

Ooh, spill the tea! (If you are happy to....) What have you learned?

I'd give a kidney to have a candid conversation with any one of my main exes other exes/current partners. Just out of curiosity, like......

@Ilovelurchers- I hate phone calls tbh - I’ve had 3 over my OLD times. One though did reveal exactly why a good looking guy, good messages, own everything a 40 year old might - was single - jeez he revealed hang up with ex plus a nasty controlling streak he’d had with her. One had a very weird giggle 👀 - Did have one with Mr Not for Me earlier this year and it wasn’t too dreadful but preference is absolutely not tbh.
@Nosdacariad- ooh anything interesting? Mr Big Player, not from OLD, well he fell out with his best mate, and who knew guys could gossip with the best of them! Very enlightening lol.
Sorry about today’s date - definitely a good boundary- only reconsider if he sends flowers/chocolates daily for a month 🤷🏼‍♀️ - saying this my daughter turned up 2 hours late for her first date in her teens - he waited and they had their first loves and a 1.5ish year relationship - but it’s terribly off and I told her so - and she doesn’t do it now!

@Ilovelurchers @MsJinks I was already irritated because he "just decided" to run errands on the way there, and would "probably" be on time.

So - the harem member also annoyed by The Crash's refusal to consider another job, said he clearly had a fun house thin mirror, said he's terrible with money and can't pay his bills, and that she had "done her bit" with supporting him.

Very quick toilet update from my date with Mr Teacake….going a lot better than expected!! Quite attracted to him!

Ooh exciting- love a toilet update - hope it continues well 💗

Love the fun house mirror - I usually say some guys can’t look in a mirror before pitching their profile on OLD - but I’m going to steal this one with pride!

Is this ex still friends with the Crash? But she’s just summed up what you learned about him all the same - both best staying away from plane crashes I think.

Yeah - quite poor that - so rude and devaluing your time - one better than one of my kids’ first dates where she ran him around - but sets a bad precedent and shows you they’re really not going to be any good for you.

What did I say!!

Yes it's the ex over the road. The odd one.

Eeek we had a kiss!!!

@empirebiscuits12 how exciting!! A good kiss?

Yes!!!

I haven’t drank much tonight because I’m not a big drinker, but I’ve had a few butterflies x

This is brilliant news! Are you still with him now? X

If Planes is pissing off loyal Harem members then that just goes to show what a self-destructive path the guy is on.

I honestly think you have dodged a big bullet there, painful as it was at the time. You deserve SO much better than this work-shy, feckless grifter who drinks too much, has poor boundaries and is shit at sex!

Glad it's not just me....

In the past I would have endured a phonecall much against my own will and judgement - but dating is meant to be fun, so why should I put myself through something I won't enjoy?

He hasn't mentioned the phone call again, or meeting up, though he is still messaging. He is quite quirky, and I can't decide if it's in a good way, or he is just trying hard to be "different" if you see what I mean.

Anyway, we'll see. Have finally agreed on Wednesday to meet Mr 2nd Time, and I am more focused on him at present (until the inevitable disappointment hits..... )

Lurchers I am saving your last comment.
Thank you 😘

@empirebiscuits12 it is meant to be, biscuits-teacake 🍰🧁🥮🎂

You never know!

I totally agree with this. I am not even entirely sure what over investing means - four months is a significant period of time, and no doubt you developed feelings accordingly and inevitably felt sad when it ended.

It is the risk we take when we make ourselves vulnerable like this. Yes, we have to remind ourselves that nothing is guaranteed, but it is normal, healthy and human to invest emotionally.

I also think that “over invested” is often a tool
used to beat us by useless men who want us to feel ashamed and humiliated.

Rant over.

This is very exciting. It’s always the ones you have low expectations of…

@BellaBlackberry83 absolutely!

@Betsy95 if you had a pet and it died you would not be unkind to yourself about grieving.

This is a significant loss in the same way and it doesn't matter whose choice it was.

[side note, the pet probably gave a lot more!]

Well I messaged mine yesterday at 3pm about meeting (after he mentioned it few times but with no firm day/time). The message remains unread 😬 I can't even continue swiping as I am on holiday abroad and all the men are locals!!

Enjoy your holiday and decentre dating until you're home ⛱️

If you can see it is unread, did you go to whatsapp already?

@Nosdacariad The holiday is great - my first solo one and it feels fine and so much better than when I used to go on holiday with exh. It has definitely clarified that the relationship needed to end.
I suggested moving to WhatsApp as I was going away - oh no is this one of the rules I missed for something not to do 🤣 I told you I was a newbie!

It's not a rule but something some of us have found is that there is a group of men (and maybe women too but we don't have that data) who just want women in their phone - for attention/validation/access and hopefully this chap is not one of those but is planning something lovely for you 😁🌞

I say I'll go to whatsapp once we have met. Added advantage to this is it's a tiny boundary and you can see if they respect it nicely.

Eta remember I know bugger all about bugger all 😁

That sounds amazing - have a wonderful time! X