The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I saw Mr M this week and realised I definitely want to make a go of things with Mr Hat. Mr M was so present and sweet when I saw him last but he is still very much dating. Despite seeing each other on at least a weekly basis for the past 3/4 months we've never had any sort of exclusivity chat but he was telling me last time how much he likes me.. such a headf*ck!

I've drafted a message to send next week before something we have tickets for, would anyone mind if I DM them it for a fresh pair of eyes?

The pros list is not looking too hot. That's bare minimum in a partner. It will hurt. It will feel disappointing. But resist the urge to contact him because you can do better. There is someone better out there and if not, you can have a better relationship with yourself than with a man you need to micro-manage.

That man's a fool.

This is why I ended things with my casual guy. And why I came off the apps for a break. I was meeting up with other guys half-heartedly to run away fron my feelings for the casual guy. In my mind I had found someone I wanted to stick with but he didn't feel the same. I had to have a reset and allow myself to move on. Still moving on. . .but may venture back on the apps soon.

Dating is a fun experience but it should lead to something serious.

@Prycejosh1987 thanks for sharing the rules. These are good for a newbie to know.

Happy to look if I haven't missed the boat

@TheThingOnTheIce like the Murphys...

Well

Went to planescrash's village. In the pub I met both his ex over the road and his landlady. He was there but didn't come in the part where I was.

Ex over the road says she doesn't know what he's playing at, he won't get a job, has nothing to offer and can't pay his bills. Also he was relatively recently 20 stone and she says is now ballooning due to all the boozing.

Apologies for reporting the comments on his weight but it is in the context of his comments to me.

Oh FFS. So many of them seem to chicken out at the first mention of an actual date. It's not you, it's them.

Sounds like he is on a bit of a self-destructive pathway, for whatever reason. But that just shows what a massive bullet you have dodged. A few more months in and you might have felt bonded enough to him to try to save him from himself..... And in my experience that never works. People can only save themselves, and only when they really want to. Yes a supportive partner can help when you are struggling, but they can't do the work for you. And it sounds like Planes has lots of work he needs to do. Both figuratively and literally!

I am home now. Daughter's dad collected us from the airport and drove us home. He is being super helpful at the moment, and I need to be careful that this doesn't turn my head, and blind me to the realities of what our relationship was like.....

I think there is a positive aspect to it though - spending time with him has reminded me that I CAN really enjoy a man's company intellectually, find them funny and make them laugh, have sparky conversations.... That was always the strongest aspect of our relationship - we were always talking, always laughing .... He genuinely made me feel clever and interesting and funny.

Now I just need to find that same rapport with a man who doesn't cheat on me with everything that moves!

I'd be happy to have a look, but I am on the android app - not sure if DMs work on here? I have never received one....

It's not much to ask!

@Ilovelurchers 😅 at "literally and figuratively"

@Ilovelurchersso I sent him a photo of where I am and he replied instantly and we talked and talked. He sent me voice notes - his voice is so amazing! 🤣 We did only start speaking on Wed so I did think a meet up was quick. He has said he still wants to meet up....I am enjoying the chat so I'll give him a few more days to organise a date. How long is normal from first contact to meeting?!

@UmberSheep Interesting. Yes it’s quite possible feelings are getting in the way and causing fatigue.

@Mildred007 You and me both!!

I'm not lurchers but there is no normal. More than two weeks is taking the piss a bit x

@Nosdacariad Ok that is my new rule - 2 weeks to organise a date 😍 I don't want to be chatting for ages!

Bear in mind I know nothing about nothing!

I have Mr Praha this lunchtime and Mr Beered tomorrow night 😁

@Nosdacariad but I know less than nothing so I hold you up as an expert :) 2 dates - how exciting! I feel I need to make a list (I love a list) of user names and date names. I am completely bedazzled by all the names on this thread :)

How long is normal from first contact to meeting?!

Being London based, I use the 7-10 day rule. There might be good reasons why not, flagged early, but if you can't get something together in that time I am providing chat and whatever game is playing out in your head.

Have been thinking through how date 3 with Marcus the Lawyer might go. I don’t have much headspace for it at the moment. Camogie has already been for a run with me this morning. She kept up, which was good. Titanic is currently surveying my bookshelves with a look of mild horror that I don't have more Scientific books or Yeats. Today is the "Tourist gauntlet." We’re doing the Natural History Museum shortly because apparently London isn't real until you've seen something dead hanging from a ceiling. Then ‘tea’ somewhere. Tomorrow, they want to go to Columbia Road Flower Market early. I have never been. Is it real? Why they want to go the day before they fly home I just don’t know. Neither of them seem to have been up to anything ‘dating’. I am not privy to their secret virtual worlds though. Titanic was complaining that all the men in London look like "soft city boys who'd cry if they saw a cow." She did eye up the barista in a cafe, but only because he had forearms like a blacksmith. Camogie sometimes has a fierce "don't mess with me" resting face that comes from playing a contact sport with sticks. She's fit, actually wiry and strong, not just "gym Instagram" fit. She gets looks, but she radiates such intensity that most guys probably think she'd physically tackle them if they approached wrong. Unless they are “soft city boys” who have failed to clock the danger they face, of course.

Yes. I am not interested in penpals, and you really have no idea about connection until they are sat in front of you. If they do not have time for a date within the next week or so (absent being on holiday or something like that) then they probably don't have time full stop. In exceptional cases I would arrange a phone call first, to make sure we could actually sustain a conversation.

Messaging also creates a false sense of intimacy.

Good luck with those dates, @Nosdacariad. Will keep my fingers crossed.

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes on Mr P. Better than my best friend, who just said "I guess the other shoe will drop soon". Excellent.

This is so funny, my late husband who lived in London was convinced cows were out to murder him.