The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@Betsy95 do t be annoyed at yourself - you gave it your best shot and he clearly didn’t. That’s not your fault. Allow yourself some time to cry - you cared about him and it’s ok to feel disappointed and let down (by him).

I’ve got a date with Mr Teacake tomorrow 😊 Been messaging for a few days after matching on Tinder and he seems very nice so far. Meeting in the city centre for late afternoon drinks but I’m just not getting excited about it. Like I say, he seems lovely. He’s very respectful, funny and has been complimentary etc etc. I don’t know if I just have “dating fatigue” although I’ve not been on loads of dates, but I have chatted to SO many guys online over the past 4 months. Anyone else feel the same?

Don't be - it's natural to be upset - you are probably grieving all the things you thought the relationship might lead to, as well as what it was right now. It would be strange if you weren't upset.

But you are being incredibly strong by blocking him, and doing future you a massive favour I think!

I feel exactly like this!

I have had a couple of weeks break from actual dating, but an intending to get back to it this week. I do feel slightly recharged, but only slightly. There have been so many disappointments that currently I find it hard to imagine meeting someone I would actually click with......

However, I am hopefully seeing Mr 2nd Time, who seems funny and nice, next week, and there are another couple I am chatting to that I would potentially meet if no red flags become apparent. If our goal is a relationship, I guess we have to just keep plugging away at it.....

Having this group to share experiences with and realise lots of us are going through similar definitely helps - otherwise I think I would have concluded by now that I was a hopeless freak of nature, destined to die alone!

This is how see it too, @Ilovelurchers . Have to just keep plugging away - or rather, fitting in a bit of dating around work and other life activities!

Marcus the Lawyer definitely didn't bore me to death last night. He was almost as polished as he looked. It was an efficient, almost transactional date, but hot in a weird way. He looks at you like he’s evaluating a painting he might buy. My positivity about it is probably because I would be fine with a rest of Summer and maybe more FWB and don’t think he is long term material.

We didn't talk about work much. He asked about my running, my degrees, seemed genuinely interested but in a very controlled way. The chemistry wasn't explosive, but it was definitely there. A slow burn. If I survive this weekend with my guests, he's taking me to dinner on Tuesday near his place. Given the way he looked at me when I said goodbye, I'd put money on sex being on the agenda afterwards. I think he likes that I'm not an easy win, even if I am technically available. He's very... capable. I think he'll be good in bed. Precise. I might need to keep a straight face.

@IlovelurchersI think for me, this is the longest period I’ve been online. Each time I’ve given OLD a go I’ve met someone fairly quickly. Obviously it hasn’t worked out for one reason or another however I’m starting to think there’s something wrong with me. I’m always attracting absolute duds who are cheating, ghost me, love bombing and so on. Or I go off them pretty quickly.

I don’t know if how I’m feeling maybe has something to do with my recent ex because I noticed a couple of days ago that his photo reappeared on his WhatsApp profile. He didn’t block me when we broke up but he deleted my number and that made his photo disappear. Now it’s back and I don’t know what it means. We last messaged 2.5 months ago.

Im glad you’re feeling recharged, even if it is only a little bit. And hopefully things go well with Mr 2nd Time! x

@LenaFromTheNineties precise in bed, hahah! This made me laugh because I’m trying to imagine how that would be

@empirebiscuits12 Me too - not sure if it's me giving off demotivated signals or if it's the lack of quality in what's on offer. Take a current chat of mine, for example - Mr Bike - he's just being a bit too keen, yet not really saying anything of interest. He's desperate to pin down a date but I'm just not feeling it.

@LenaFromTheNineties I think precise in bed would be good! But yes, probably quite funny! MtL sounds quite sexy.

@Chocolatefreak there’s definitely a lack of quality on the apps plus lots of red flags in bios/photos. The ones which have caught my attention either don’t reply or something comes up in the messaging which just puts me off. I’m hoping Mr Teacake sways me tomorrow though!

Yes, I have dating fatigue, hence taking a break. I also just no longer felt excited. In fact, every time I matched with someone my heart actually sank a little!

The other issue is that no one seems to be able to live up to situationship Mr Charismatic. He’s a perfect gentleman, smart, physically in excellent shape, great cook, fun, considerate…. I could go on. At least he is away this weekend, so I have no dates to distract me from unpacking. I’m still surrounded by moving boxes!

@empirebiscuits12 Teacake does sound promising so far! Hope he is in person!

I think I have been ghosted already 🤣 Mr. First Time was very keen on fixing a date. I gave some suggestions last night and now no reply....

You make a good point here! There’s guys in my “likes” list who look really nice and tick lots of boxes but I haven’t wanted to match them because I can’t be bothered with the chatter and starting the whole thing again. I really dislike the first few messages when the chat is quite boring and it takes a lot for someone to perk my interest at that stage now. I just keep comparing everything to my ex, we had amazing chemistry right from the beginning of messaging and I was counting the days until our first date!

Thanks! I think I’ll take a little break from things if this one doesn’t pan out.

He lives about a 30-40 minute drive from me. I’m in a city and he’s in a town, and I’m not sure if that’s maybe dampening my spirits. I was in a 3yr relationship with a guy who was an hour drive away and it wasn’t an issue. Then I was with my most recent ex who was only 10mins drive away in my city and I loved how close he was and that we had our city in common. I don’t even know if that’s makes sense? Or maybe I’m looking for excuses already 😂

Haha - sooo easy when you aren’t bothered. Mr Situationship I erected an entire Wall of China in the end - should have done it years before - or binned to be frank.

It would have been date 3 and whilst chemistry was hot from the start of date 1 I found it hard enough - but still a bit of mindset from restarting OLD to maintain my ‘worth’ - lol!

They’d all crash now I’m sure 🙈🤣

All those struggling with dating fatigue - it is so real and it all gets depressing.

I’ve been on/off OLD too often over the years but always ended taking a break as it was just too much. I say always but last time ended with Mr Situationship for a bloody decade of not many benefits and limited friendship - as he would have been the last date before packing in - please let that be a horrible warning to those out there!

So strong - well done. You are right that you’d be carrying this load, and many others it seems. Easy habits we go along with then suddenly something happens and we realise and it just is all too much.

Still gutting and the heart doesn’t always comply - we also often just want to make it back to ok and normal asap and forget to think ahead to how actually not ok it ends up being - if that makes sense!

@Betsy95 you are absolutely entitled to feel sad. I was a mess after half that time.

The selfish lover bit...life is too short... @LenaFromTheNineties precise sex sounds dreadful!

Anyone else shipping @empirebiscuits12 and Mr Teacake?!

Super normal to feel upset @Betsy95 . It’s the loss of hope. I felt upset and cried for a while after two men that I broke up!

@BoxOfCats I had that gutted/annoyed of feeling when I got matches when I was attached to a FWB. I think it’s because it meant I might have to face up to detaching myself from the FWB. So you may feel like that due to Mr Charismatic and wanting to be with him?

That said, dating fatigue is very real. I met my boyfriend when I was on the brink of throwing my phone out the window my fatigue was so bad. I do think the right man can break you out of it, but breaks are also very important so self-worth/hope doesn’t go down the drain.

I must be weird because I'm meeting lots of men I consider attractive but struggling with finding ones who are...normal.

I'm rooting for Mr C to see the light!!

None of them are . Mind neither am I but at least I don’t roll out of bed and start drinking or have a grubby dominatrix on the side and visit Thai massage parlours . Not that I’m bitter or anything

😂😂😂

I know! Me too!