The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Hello all - been festivalling this weekend- some with Mr T and that went really well - and all weekend was great.

So much to catch up on - disappointing to hear of the flaky or dickish guys but we have to dig through these I guess.

@Nosdacariad- liking the name Crash - it’ll help you as well to internally always refer to him as that. Re his pics, he’s drawing women in thinking he’s not so good looking - oh and loves his dog, though I expect he doesn’t mention it’s dead upfront!

I used to put not my best photos on, not unflattering though, to avoid any disappointment on meeting - but that got more difficult with age lol.

I have a maybe irrational fear of photos where you can’t see their teeth - from an old colleague’s story where she found only on the date that he had none - he also grabbed her for a kiss at the end and it didn’t sound that great tbh!

@Sunshineontheway you are doing well to find relatively normal men 🤞

@MsJinks glad you have been having fun! I have the same concern - no teeth visible means they don't own a full set 😅

I'm being quite picky. Also I'm new so imagine there are a lot of Duds I'm yet to discover 🤣. Having much more luck on Bumble than fb dating.

@MsJinks I'm adding teeth to the list of things that need to present for me to like a profile from here on in 😆

No real time for dating apart for low level planning. Busy yesterday with my guests mainly in the Greenwich area. We walked up to the Royal Observatory area. Camogie said the view from the hill was ‘deadly’. She bought a vintage pin that seemed to cause greater joy than I could muster. They both got excited by the Meridian Line, one foot in the east, one in the west. Titanic spilled vinegar down her top. I imagine having 9 year olds is something like this. Marcus the Lawyer kept contacting about ‘drinks’ which is heartening I suppose and they said ‘which fella is after you now?’. My semi-indifference might have got to Marcus tL. Thursday it seems to be. Also one Tinderite is an ‘aspiring chef’. We messaged a bit and he explained his love for "foraging" [pass the toadstool? Sorry about the visit to A&E.] and "authentic flavours." He looks a bit scruffy, but has a nice smile. The red flag is he’s "looking for someone who can handle my chaotic schedule." That translates to "I will flake on you constantly"? Elsewhere I was half tempted by "Investment Banker." 33. His photos are 50% shirtless gym mirror selfies and 50% holding expensive cocktails in Mayfair. Bio essentially says "Work hard, play hard." The only reason he's half-interesting is that he lists his height as 6'2" and he looks like he spends way too much time on his hair. We could discuss product as well as his bonuses. Can’t see me bothering though, but if I do his reserved name is WankerBanker.

Not Derry Girls 3

This is mostly via Camogie, as Titanic is not too forthcoming, but gave me a little more insight into their dating scene. Titanic 19 is studying Sciency things at Manchester, ‘proper smart’. Wants to go into research, maybe pharmaceuticals. ‘First year at uni, she got tangled up with this fella one year older from her course. Thought it was serious, spent most of her nights at his flat. Worried he was spending too much on delivered food so cooked for him, the whole bit. Nearly started doing his laundry. Then she found out he had a girlfriend back home in Liverpool the whole time. Proper scumbag move.’

Poor Camogie 💜

It was 'Titanic' who got suckered into becoming a support worker (think her mum is the influence on how to behave here). 'Camogie' is the younger pretty sporty one. What I have found shocking is the vastness of the whole 'send / swap nudes' culture. I of course knew it existed, but the way and extent it operates is truly awful.

My dating is in low engagement maintenance mode right now rather then making much effort. I have a Hinge photographer perhaps, who I’ll call Clicker. Aged 40 he's giving off distinct "forever bachelor" vibes. Clicker has nice hands in one of his photos, holding a camera lens, actually. I have a thing for hands. Or not neglecting your nails. He’s not bad looking in a rugged, hasn't-slept-in-three-days kind of way. He listed his height as 5'9", and I suspect that’s code for 5'7" in my heels. He is about "seeking someone who can appreciate the silence between the shots." I mean, I appreciate silence, I spend half my life in archives. Does he mean "peaceful quiet" or "I'm going to stare at you intensely and not speak for three hours"? He linked me to some of his work. It is mostly black and white photos of people looking moody in alleyways, or similar. There's a lot of high contrast. A lot of "capturing the soul" nonsense. If I had to guess, he’s the type to turn the date into a shoot. "Just turn your head slightly, the light is catching your jawline beautifully." I’d probably end up as a framed print in a Shoreditch cafe called "The Grind."

Clicker sounds a tad pretentious which is much more polite than draft 1 of this message!

Trying to catch up but failing! I was away on a long trip. Mr Holiday Homes was lovely. Had great chat. Saw him straight off the plane for a coffee and a snog. Then had a date. Then he went uber uber keen so I sacked him off. I actually wanted to sleep with him but couldn’t because he was too emotionally involved. L 💣 which was a shame. He was a nice guy and I genuinely still care for him but he fucked it up. Had 3 irons. 2 seem to have wandered. 1 I really like, Forest Gump, but think I got too keen. Mr Animal Man disappeared, no idea why. Mr Spanner I had a date with and am seeing again this weekend. I like him but there’s some shady background that I haven’t got to the bottom of. He may well be good on a short term basis only. Will read thread properly and catch up!

Welcome home @duckingclueless

What did MrHH going uber keen look like?

How do you think you got too keen @duckingclueless ? And how long did it take for holiday homes to get to the L word?

This dating thing is a minefield isn't it? I keep thinking I'm chatting to someone lovely and then they come in with a litany of red flags or just vanish!

Got my date with Mr Marshal Arts tonight. Trying not to get too excited but I'm feeling very good about him at the moment. He's slowed down on the long messages the last couple of days (which is good I think, so we have something to chat about still?!) But has moved to xx at the end of his messaged and messages to say good night and good morning and that he's excited to meet. He's been so lovely and respectful and shown a genuine interest.

Got chatting with Mr F1 yesterday who seems nice. But maybe a bit keen. Wants to switch to WhatsApp already and talks about how it will be interesting when our kids meet as they share the same name - bit ahead of himself! 😬

Feel like I'm getting further down the barell on bumble now. Swiping left a LOT 😆

Good luck with Martial Arts - what sort of date is it? I think slowing down the chat once the date is actually arranged is common, and it does make sense, as you don't want to end up with nothing to say to each other.

Oh fucking Hell, this is exactly the sort of thing that would happen to me - did you manage to delete your profile quickly enough that Planescrash would not have seen the like? Not that it matters anyway - fuck him and what he thinks.

I am laughing at his pic of him cuddling a dead dog. Load of guys put pictures of themselves with a pet - I am interested in pets so I always ask about it - so often they go "yeah, it's my cousin's and it's dead." Or "yeah, I just found it in the street". Great.

I seem to swipe right on a lot of guys with falconry pics too. I always open with the question "Is that your owl?" (Or eagle, buzzard, whatever). If one ever says yes, I am marrying him, regardless of red flags.....

They never say yes.

I love that about the falconry!

Yes I deleted my account. I doubt he saw, I was mindlessly swiping and didn't stop in time-but as you say fuck him!

If I wanted to be back in his orbit there are easier ways...

Just a drink in a country pub between us with a nice garden.

How time flies. Marcus the Lawyer for 'drinks' tomorrow.

In my quest, that somehow evolved, to delve into 'the state of dating things' I have had a lot of info from Ex-Runner that I'll knock into shape when I have time. I did ask a slightly older woman who I know is dating how things are and she more or less said: 'Everyone is so lazy about connection. They want the result without the work. The general theme is mostly despair, punctuated by bad wine and "he's just not that into you" realisations.' She ended with something like 'The general consensus is that London men are broken. Either they're man-children who can't boil an egg, or they’re workaholics who treat you like a scheduling inconvenience.'

And not just London men.

At least I'm only meeting the man children variety.

You’ll have enough material for a book on dating t his rate! Sign me up, I’ll happily read it 😄

Hope your date with Marcus the Lawyer goes well and is less interview like, now that you’ve apparently passed the first date test 😄

I’m still surrounded by moving boxes this week. Work has been insanely busy too, so no time for unpacking or dating. Mr Charimatic is off skiing this weekend, so at least I’ll have no distractions. Still planning to sign up to some in person dating events once I come up for air.

Me too. I've matched with a new guy who interested me slightly - he's just revealed he lives with his parents, and I think always has.....🤦

I know there can be a good reason for living with your parents, if they are elderly and need care, but if that was the case surely he would have moved out for a while then moved back? It's not the first time I have matched with a guy in this position.

I've in Germany currently on holiday with my daughter, and decided to do a bit of Bumble swiping, not because I am going to date while I am here but just put of interest - judging from the profiles, the guys had made more effort than their British equivalents (better photos). And also I don't think they swipe right as freely - I only matched with one, whereas if I had swiped right on the equivalent number in the UK I would have matched with several, even if they then unmatched me later when they read my profile properly.

Not sure if this information is remotely helpful - I just found it interesting!

Not sure if this information is remotely helpful - I just found it interesting!

I think it is interesting to understand the state of things.

A man who's never lived independently probably hasn't learned how to run a household, manage bills, or be alone with himself. That's not a living situation; that's a maturity gap. As for the German observation, spot on I reckon, but we are dealing with stereotypes. I suggest that British blokes rely more on charm and luck. Germans rely on preparation and follow-through? Enjoy the holiday and take notes, not dates.

Respectfully, I think you're being a bit judgmental about the living-at-home thing, making negative assumptions about someone you don't even know yet. As you say, there are plenty of reasons why somebody could be still in that position that aren't really any of your business.

If it's not for you, it's not for you. But I don't know, I wouldn't really care about that if they were still happy to be there. Much better for them to still be living in a nice house in a nice area where they were happy than some shoebox of a flat in some dismal, depressing area that they're not and have only moved in to for 'independence'.

Respectfully, everyone is entitled to their opinion and I actually share the pp’s opinion on this.

Yes there are lots of reasons why someone may be living at home with their parents, such as after a breakup etc. However if someone has never left their parents home then it would be a no from me. And as you said, if it’s not for you then it’s not for you!

Tbh your post isn’t really in the spirit of the thread.

@Ilovelurchers it IS interesting. I hope you are both having a great holiday.
There seem to be a lot of men living with their mums to look after them, but it's hard to tell who's doing the looking after.

@LenaFromTheNineties you nailed it. "Maturity gap".

@empirebiscuits12 couldn't agree more. When dating it is useful to see evidence that a person is a functional adult.

Whoa! Mr Beered is back after il a disparu after our Saturday date.

He has a female friend living with him.

Deja vu anyone?!

Mr Praha just took the piss out of himself with a Springsteen lyric. In my weird head that's a cut above 😁