The Dating Thread 61 - High Summer High Jinks 🍾🥂

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Hi Ladies! Hope it's OK if I join you?

Just dipping my toe back into dating after separating end of last year. It feels very strange after 20 years!

Had a couple of dates in the last couple of weeks, they mostly felt pretty awkward, whats the best way to approach them to get the most out of them? I've tried to go with no expectations and just enjoy the company.

Met Mr Space yesterday who was attractive and very nice but seemed really nervous. Not as masculine and confident as I'd usually go for and talked about how he didn't want his divorce 5 years ago. He was sweet and wants to meet again so I might see I'd that was just nerves.

Meeting Mr Marshall Arts on Tuesday. I'm excited about this one. He has great chat. Asks lots of questions and shows an interest in what I'm saying. He sends long voice notes and I love the sound of his voice.

Going to catch up on all of your current prospects now 😊

Thanks for the thoughtful answer.

I'm the same age bracket.

Have you got beyond first date with anyone and if so have you later seen things you didn't spot early on?

What puts you off people after those photo faux pas (a lot of us object to those things too, though the men are more likely to be giving a one-fingered salute).

Welcome @Sunshineontheway 🌞

It sounds like you have the right approach to dating.

Good luck 😁😘

Thank you!

I've only had a couple of first dates but they were from real life not the apps, and we just didn't gel, from both sides.

As for the photos, I'm generally talking about your main profile picture. I prefer them to be natural. The staged / pouting/ etc are fine in others. Although I like to see people doing activities that they enjoy, that way you get a slight insight into what that person enjoys and also tells you they are telling the truth in their profile. No bloke wants to see you with arm around another guy ( it could be innocent ie friend or brother, but we don't know that) but some clearly are ex partners. Having a group photo as your main photo, how are we supposed to tell who you are. It's the same as those who post pets etc as their profile picture, why, I just don't understand it.

What is it with the finger in men's pictures?! There are so many! And photos in bed or next to a urinal?!

I'm also put off by the endless lists of don't bother to match if ..

One or two I've seen so far have been helpful and politely written but so many very unattractive men with bitterly written lists of what they don't want?!

@Sunshineontheway I can only think that the only pics they have are the one fingered salute variety.

@MrFlintstone so you've not got to the point of finding out about character?

I think my issue is not getting dates with attractive men, but meeting people of decent character who are genuinely available for a real relationship.

I'm not too sure I can answer that. For me you only find out someone's character is by meeting them. Pictures in profiles are better than a thousand words. How they respond to your messages, do they ask questions, do they take and interest in what you like. Take the previous poster who just had a date at a gig where her date was more interested in the dj's and networking.He needs dumping straight away, by the way. That's not how you treat someone on a first date. But how can you tell that's how he was going to behave through messages, you can't really.

Those are the easy ones, they tell on themselves on first date.

The challenge is those who can keep the mask on for a lot longer, for me anyway😁

@Nosdacariad @MrFlintstone to be honest with Mr Cringe I kind of broke one of my rules - to have a few days chat before a date in order to sound someone out properly - decent values, properly divorced, looking for similar things etc - because we had several phone conversations where he seemed fine. But the date was an eye opener because of the way he behaved in this social situation. It was as if he never gets out. However, it was useful info because I'm not going to take it any further!

I guess what we're interested in knowing is, does it seem the same from a male perspective? That the proportion of odd/desperate/just plain lying women seems high, compared to just normal ones you didn't click with?!

Yes, there some immediate swipe left tropes. Here (I'm in Europe) people don't really give the finger but they stick their tongue out, yuk. And really hate the ones in bed/ clearly naked etc. They just shriek, I was horny so I went online!

Hi Chocolatefreak
To be honest I'm not sure, I've only been on FB dating for about a month and not had any joy from it.
What I do see a lot of, is pictures where people are just slobbing about, not even remotely trying to make an effort ( similar I suppose to men being naked in bed I suppose) where I wouldn't dream of dating them. Same with the profiles, everyone hates them, but at least put a bit of effort in. I hate writing about myself, so I put up pictures of me doing activities I enjoy, so it proves I'm enjoy being outdoors etc, but also gives plenty of conversation starters. You can't really start a conversation with just one picture showing someone asleep on a settee, and nothing on their profile. As for the lying and desperate, you can only work that out for yourself. One problem I have, is that I'm vertically challenged (short arse) so that cuts the amount of women down quite a bit.

@Chocolatefreak any pics where they are naked/shirtless and I'm out!

Yes I think a conversation needs to be had. I'm away with my kids this weekend & I know he's been busy too so will perhaps speak next week. I've only heard from him once since Sat morning, just one text...i think that speaks for itself to be honest but we shall see!

Sat morning I had in my head I could do a casual relationship with him if that's what he wants too. I still think I could do this. However, with the boundary of him (or me) not sleeping with anyone else.

We split before because he's really busy - sole custody of his son, works really long hours, also has his own side business he does at weekends and in evenings. He was always tired & said it wasn't fair on me. We've been friends since school (not close friends) and he said he valued our friendship and didn't want to ruin it. Nothing in his situation has changed, therefore my thinking that he has no idea what he wants. He was the one who pursued me in the beginning, I had no intention of being in a relationship with him. He told me on our first date he wanted a relationship & was very consistent with messaging and seeing me a lot. Hence why I felt so confused in him ending it.

Sorry for the essay lol. Feeling conflicted.
I've continued messaging Mr Sport & have a couple of other matches I've been chatting to but my heart isn't really in it at the moment. I've paused the apps for now. What a curve ball lol x

Just semi accidentally set up a match profile from Tinder.

You can't delete it from android. What a load of rubbish.

Ugh. I wish I hadn't done that.

Saw both Mr Beered (active now) and accidentally swiped right on Planescrash.

Aarrghhh. Had to fire up the laptop to delete my account 😱

Aaaargghh!! Have you sorted it?? X

Yes. I wonder if planescrash ever deleted his account as we agreed we would.

Bit meh about Mr Beered.

Which site did you meet The Crash on?

If Planes didn't delete his profile after telling you he LOVED you that's even more red flags! You're well rid of him.

I met The Crash on Hinge, but he did mention he met his previous victim (who apparently lasted three months before joining the harem) on Match. He knew I was not on there.

@Chocolatefreak tru dat. Weirdly his pics are desperately unflattering. The same old ones as before.

The Crash 😂😂😂

The Crash is clutching a long-dead handbag dog in his profile.

It's not a good gladiator bame!

Name

The crash 🤣

Definitely not a good gladiator name 🤣

I imagine having a photo of his long dead dog would lead to a bit of a conversation killer when anyone mentions it in chatting?!

I've booked in a second date with Mr Space. His chat is still good so I'm hoping it was just first date nerves that made the first date a bit meh and he'll come a bit more confident to the next one.

Excited for Mr Marshal Arts tomorrow. He's being consistent with his chat and showing lots of interest in the things I say, volunteering lots of information about himself and we've found plenty in common. Trying not to get my hopes too high though..