DH not messaging me on stag weekend

[badbunnysadbunny]

DH is on a 3 day stag weekend. I’m home with DD aged 4 (autistic) and DD aged 1. I’m used to doing the parenting load but what bothers me is that DH hasn’t bothered to txt me since he left yesterday lunch time. No message to ask how me or the kids are.

The stag weekend isn’t an outrageous bender (apparently anyway). Just hiking in the day and pub in the evening

i know he’s alive and has signal as every couple of hours i can see he’s been on WhatsApp. I haven’t messaged him either . AIBU to have expected to hear from him? FWIW if never done an over night and the longest time he’s looked after the kids so I could do something was about 8 hours.

I generally think he’s not in love with me - thats a whole other thread, but based purely on this would you expect to hear from your DH?

Would they be saying the same if it were the mother who had gone away without checking in on the kids no I think not

Since eldest DC was 2 I've gone away for a weekend every year. DP only gets in touch if there's a significant problem. The point is to get away from being on call 24/7 and only please myself. I bloody love it.

Both parents deserve time away. It's good to remember we're individuals as well as parents.

I don't need surgical attachment to my husband, but if I was married to someone who couldn't be bothered (or didn't want) to get in touch to say a quick good morning or good night to our 4 year old, I wouldn't be married to them much longer.

Ive just been away for 10 days and not contacted hubby

You’d be so confused if your husband messaged you while he was away to check in that all is ok with you & your children ??
How bizarre.

She’s seen him active on watsapp, so clearly he is making the time to message somebody.
Would take all of 20 seconds to message his wife while he’s already on the app.

.quoted wrong person..

I would expect a message and I'd be annoyed if I didn't get a check in

Will you sort the problems out (or try to) when he's back?

When are you taking the same amount of "down time" away? Is it next weekend? If not book the weekend after and turn your phone off. Just do it, he's the Dad.

I’m not sure why it matters. The thread specifically asks what we would think. That’s what I would think

I get even more confused when there is threads that are like ‘what would you think about X’ and you write what you would think and then random people that didn’t make the thread are like ‘oh how bizarre for you to feel the way you feel’
if you think that’s bizarre then 100% love that for you cause how bloody boring would life be if we were all the same.

As I said to a previous poster, people having different needs is not the issue. My issue is the tone of other posters, some replies are along the lines of “god you must be super needy to need a text message from DH” “omg he let him live”. If people don’t need the contact then that’s fine, but being snarky and a bit self righteous is annoying.

You see lots of people come on here & talk absolute shite 😂 .
With all due respect, I don’t believe for one second you would be confused if your husband checked in to see how you & your children are doing whilst he is away for a weekend.
It’s not about people coming on here & getting snarky with other people for having a different opinion to theirs .
It’s just calling people out when you think they’re chatting rubbish !

That’s fair. Maybe confused was even the wrong word. Unexpected maybe? I’ve been with my husband 10 years he’s been on at least 15 stag dos since we’ve been together and about about 10 of those have been since we’ve had kids. 6 were in my sons first year 😅. He’s never messaged me during them so I guess if he went on another stag do and started being like ‘how are you, how’s the kids’ I’d be very surprised (I’m still going confused but you don’t seem to like that) but I wouldn’t be like how dare you message me or anything 😂. But I don’t hear from him multiple days a week due to the job he does even though we live together so maybe that’s why. As I said everyone is different and that’s amazing!

As snarky as telling all the women who don't need daily messages and check-ins that they have a low bar?

I guess then pp it’s different strokes & all that 🤷🏻‍♀️.

You’re gone way off point , no one said each parent doesn’t deserve a weekend away , can’t see where you got that from ??.
You can go & have a weekend away & not be “ on call “ as you put it , but still check in & say hello .

Empress said that no one would give a Mum a pass for not checking on her children during a weekend away.

I replied that on the contrary, I have been going away for a weekend since my eldest was two, and I don't check in. DP doesn't message me about the children unless there's a significant issue.

That's because being able to step away from parenting role for 36/48 hours does one the world of good.

As opposed to your tone in calling others who don't need that level of contact "cool girls", with all the associated negative connotations? Right.

Once again you’re missing the point .

And I still stand by my point that a woman leaving a 1 year old and 4 year old who is autistic and is probably a handful would check in on her DH even just once during the hol to check all is OK but that’s just me !

Yes a text at night to say how was day /kids /night takes seconds

Yeah, & i’m with you on that one !
I would absolutely check in every day on my husband & kids .
I wasn’t saying you were missing the point , I was saying that to “ OttersOnAPlane” ..
Kids or no kids, you say hi , end of , in my book anyway .

I wouldn’t expect in th daytime while he is hiking, but maybe a brief message in the evening. I guess he’s busy, send him a message

Honestly, I am far from ‘needy’ . In fact I secretly love it when Dh is away
However, I would be pissed off if dh was away and didn’t even send a WhatsApp message . My DCs are much older than OP’s DCs and I would still expect dh to check up on me and the children . OP’s dc are very young and their father should be checking up on them
A quick daily WhatsApp message and the occasional phone call is not much to ask
I find it strange that some of you think it is perfectly acceptable to go away and not keep in contact with your spouse/ partner
Very poor form and quite sad imho