DH not messaging me on stag weekend

[badbunnysadbunny]

DH is on a 3 day stag weekend. I’m home with DD aged 4 (autistic) and DD aged 1. I’m used to doing the parenting load but what bothers me is that DH hasn’t bothered to txt me since he left yesterday lunch time. No message to ask how me or the kids are.

The stag weekend isn’t an outrageous bender (apparently anyway). Just hiking in the day and pub in the evening

i know he’s alive and has signal as every couple of hours i can see he’s been on WhatsApp. I haven’t messaged him either . AIBU to have expected to hear from him? FWIW if never done an over night and the longest time he’s looked after the kids so I could do something was about 8 hours.

I generally think he’s not in love with me - thats a whole other thread, but based purely on this would you expect to hear from your DH?

If dh was left at home with the kids for a few days would he expect you to hear from you or worry if he hadn’t?

I often wonder if we'll ever reach a level of maturity on MN where posters on MS net realise that it's normal for people to have different views and referrong to those who do as "cool girls" or "cool wives" is just so infantile.

• If he's away he's away.
• What contact is needed?
• It's not courtesy to confirm his arrival - if he hasn't got there he'll either find his or there's a bigger problem which you've be notified of.

-If he's have a good time or a bad time what difference does it make, you aren't there can't do anything about it. -Why should he text to see if the kids are ok - if there aren't you'll let him know.

• If he's up to no good, a text won't change that either.

The constant contact culture nowadays is just ridiculous.

👏👏👏

YABU about him messaging.

But the real issue here is that he's away for three days and he has never looked after the kids so you could go away for even one night. Can you organise a weekend away with your friends OP and leave him with the kids?

Out of sight. Out of mind. He sounds horrible and uncaring.

Very very poor form.

I don’t think it’s for another thread that you think he doesn’t love you anymore – seems very entangled with how you’re feeling about this. Seek support here if you need to.

What is ‘constant contact’ about a text message that says ‘hope you and the girls are ok. Love you all very much’?

Completely disagree with this.

OP didn’t mention anything about constant contact- a single WhatsApp in over 24 hours is not too much.

I think it makes a big difference having a 4 and 1 year old at home too.

It’s not the different opinions that grate on me and triggered my comment, it’s the delivery. Quite a few posters have replied with the attitude of “well no I don’t need contact because I’m super secure and it’s weird to need all this reassurance” or something else just as snarky.

I mean might be, but I wouldn't decide that on no texts

DH and I don't text when we are away. I don't facetime the kids or anything like that.

We both trust each other, and it is nice to have a complete break.

Our oldest is nearly 30 so it does work.

But do you not think the age of the children makes a big difference here?

Honestly this would bother me, unless he’d arranged previously that he would be offline. My husband and I text often though.

Not at all- I first left mine at 9 months- I honestly didn't text, what good would it have done?

The baby wouldn't have known I was texting, and I trust DH to contact me if I was really needed. It's just different strokes, but I do think this should be discussed before leaving.

My partner would have checked in yes. As I would if it were the other way around. But that’s normal for us. So if he didn’t on this occasion then it would be unusual.

so it depends what’s usual for each couple/family.

I went to the USA for 10 days with a friend. Her DH messaged at least 10 times a day as well as phone calls! I messaged my DH once wishing him a happy birthday! I guess, we are all different.

Agreed 100%. If my partner or I were away this would absolutely be standard, not because the other one was incapable but because we care!

I think adding “kindly” makes it more patronising

It wouldn't bother me but clearly you have more issues going on so it makes sense that it does.

I'd probably be worried rather than take it personally. It would be unusual for us not to at least send a message to each other. Partner has just come back from 2 week hols, we still send messages now and then.

This. Give the man a break!

But it doesn't make it any less true.

Sounds a bit too codependent to me.

He's only been gone since yesterday lunchtime. Why has she automatically gone straight to "he doesn't love me" when he's just being a bloke and gone to have with his mates on a stag weekend? Seems a bit neurotic to me. Yes, they have kids but it's not like she isn't capable by herself of looking after them.

No I wouldn’t have expected it - DH would have probably text to check how we were getting on, or I would have sent a quick pic of DS. But I would leave him to it, he’s with his mates having a break. As long as you get the odd break too!

You didn’t call your husband on his birthday?