DH not messaging me on stag weekend

[badbunnysadbunny]

DH is on a 3 day stag weekend. I’m home with DD aged 4 (autistic) and DD aged 1. I’m used to doing the parenting load but what bothers me is that DH hasn’t bothered to txt me since he left yesterday lunch time. No message to ask how me or the kids are.

The stag weekend isn’t an outrageous bender (apparently anyway). Just hiking in the day and pub in the evening

i know he’s alive and has signal as every couple of hours i can see he’s been on WhatsApp. I haven’t messaged him either . AIBU to have expected to hear from him? FWIW if never done an over night and the longest time he’s looked after the kids so I could do something was about 8 hours.

I generally think he’s not in love with me - thats a whole other thread, but based purely on this would you expect to hear from your DH?

So who's he WhatsApping?

It always amazes me that people think it’s normal to not be interested in texting the person you love most in the world while you are not with them. But I guess we all have different relationships!
I absolutely wouldn’t harass my partner while he was away but he would always text even if it’s just to say he loves me and sorry he has not been in touch much and that they are having a nice time. And that’s without kids.

Last time mine went away I got

1. Got here ok. Just going out for a beer or six. can you remember to clean the fish.
2. (2 days later) - my liver is fucked. Can you get some nice food in for when I get home.
3. Just boarding see you later.

If my dh went away we'd message. The fact that he's on WhatsApp shows he's obviously on his phone just not that bothered about checking in and at least seeing how the kids are.

The no contact is bad enough but you saying you don't think he loves you is obviously the more important point. Are you considering your future with him? Not about the lack of messages more the bigger picture which doesn't sound very good.

My boyfriend of 6 months now but I guess 4 and a bit back then went on his cousins stag for 5 nights and rang me every day for an hour apart from one day where I got a couple of photos - I let him come to me however and didn’t go chasing for comms.
But then we wouldn’t go a day without a phone call in the evening or some texts if we weren’t seeing eachother.

I really don't understand the point of messages with no actual content like "xxx" or "good morning" or "goodnight" and it would really annoy me to receive messages like that. It's like... yes and? Were you going to say something important?

I never consciously "check in" with DH just for the sake of it. In practise if either of us is away for a few days there'll be something amusing, or a cute dog, that we send the other (or just a meal that will make the other one jealous). But messaging just shouldn't be a litmus test of anything and I don't think anyone needs yet another reason to get their phone out when they don't need to. And we know we're thinking of each other, I don't need to be reassured on that front and I assume he doesn't either?!

And there are times and places you just don't message. I don't message if I'm socialising (so on a hen/stag weekend when you're in a big group basically constantly, I wouldn't be messaging). I don't message in the toilet (and I'm horrified by the poster who said he should do it while taking a shit). I don't message if I'm tired and need to decompress from everything. I don't message if I'm watching a show or a film. Messaging fits around my life, it's not the focus of it.

Doesn't matter if he is in love with you or not. The bare minimum would be to check in with you to ensure all is good with the children.

I think you should enjoy the break. If you think he doesn’t love you, then use this time to soul search and see how you feel. How your relationship came about and why it’s still going. Honestly, he’s probably just enjoying the weekend with his friends.

One of the reasons im child free by choice is because of double standards like this

My DH would message to let me know he had arrived. He would also probably message to moan about something..if we had agreed a call he would cal, but may also agree a call isnt needed

Sounds like your issues run deeper and he doesnt respect or value you.

Yes, I would expect at least a text or Wattsapp. The excuse 'I'm away with my mates having fun' doesn't wash for me. Looking after two young children, with the added issues around autism (been there so I do understand) is just not good enough. Bit mean and very selfish. You deserve better.

Yeah I’d have expected at least 1 check in. He’s got a family, you can’t just switch off to that as much as you may want to. I’d never imagine going away for a few days and not checking in once a day.

I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old as well and I’d be so confused if my husband messaged me while he was on a stag. Like go enjoy it!!

Why on earth are you both getting married? Absolute madness!

Is your 4yr old autistic and are you experiencing marital issues?

You’d be confused? Sorry but what are you talking about? Even years ago some people would phone home or send a postcard when away. My partner would send a photo showing where he is or if he’s enjoying or not enjoying it. We’re friends and speak every day, why on earth would you be confused by a text from your husband? 😂

We what's app each other if one of us is away. But we message each other most days anyway, so it's just our norm. I'm not into phone calls though.
If it was me, I'd have sent a message to my dp saying I haven't heard from you, are you still alive out there ( and a joke emoji ).
I don't think you have to 'wait' for dp to initiate contact do you? You could send him a what's app asking him if he is having a good time.

It's a stag do. I told my DH I didn't expect to hear hide nor hair from him while he was there for 5 days 😂

Respectfully YABU.

I absolutely would say exactly the same and would tell my DH not to expect to hear from me if I was a on a days long hen do but I'd be in touch when I can but I'd probably be too tired and/or drunk to as he did with me.

Why dont you think he loves you?

Yes he’s enjoying some time away with friends but sending a quick message isn’t going to ruin that. Especially because you have children, I’d expect him to WANT to speak to/check in on them if he’s been away a whole day or longer. I wouldn’t dream of doing that a mother, so why should a father?

Most men would but tbh I’m not into it. When DH and I go away with friends we don’t message or check in . It annoys me that I have to break off whilst enjoying myself to answer his “ how’s it going?” messages . We track each others location and know how to get hold of the other in an emergency .
A bit different with little ones I suppose - did you agree to keep in touch before he left ?

My dh would message to say he’s arrived and possibly a goodnight text but I wouldn’t really get more than that. He’d rightly assume me and kids are good because if they weren’t I’d tell him.

DH would always call me, that's normal for us. Clearly though, judging by this thread, relationships vary!

You've not messaged him, so it's not like he hasn't replied to you.
He's with his mates, let him enjoy it.