I asked him out, he said yes now silence

[Jilly113]

After months of developing feelings for somebody I see on a regular basis (He works somewhere I have to frequent, a lot) I worked up the courage to ask him out today.

I asked if he was single and when he said yes I asked if he'd like to go for a drink together. He said yes. Great, I said, shall we swap numbers? I'll give you mine he said, so he did, then I text mine across.

I think it took him by surprise as I hadn't indicated that I liked him in that way. Anyway.

This was 10am this morning and he hasn't been in touch.

I know its hardly a week of silence after the fact but he's one of those people who use their phone constantly and upon reflection he didn't seem all that enthusiastic.

I feel a bit silly for being so direct and think I might have scared him off.

It's going to be so awkward seeing him now 😔

I really feel for you. It's awful to feel rejected. There could be lots of reasons. If someone winked at me I might think that too. Don't worry you can do better and will!

Absolutely this.

And if he doesn’t text, hold your head up high, smile politely and do not look bothered about it for one second. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Definitely agree!

I keep returning to this thread in the vague hope he did actually message OP and they’re busy planning a meet-up! 😆

You're not alone hahaha!!!

By later he might have meant in ten minutes/four hours/three days/two weeks/never.

Wait and see, OP. You'll see him again when you frequent his work and you can take it from there.

He might not be interested or he might be mad keen and wants to discuss how to proceed with his mates/sister/mum, or somewhere in between. Let him work that out. You've made it clear he'd be leaning on an open door but I think he needs to do something next.

Before my current relationship there was someone in our wider circle of friends who was always gazing at me - seemed interested but didn’t make s move.
Saw him at a pub gig watching the band and I went to to him and put my arm around his waist. He turned in surprise, saw it was me, and have me a lovely kiss -he was clearly delighted. I was suddenly embarrassed and said I was just on my way out and lookef forward to seeing him at the next gig.
I was so embarrassed as we had s mutual circle of friends (so I knew he was single).
Late the next day he messaged me and said he thought a drink might be in order. i said yes. A few days went past, and he texted me again and we went for a drink. Fab evening and we both really enjoyed it and lots of conversation about other things we might do.
Then….. nothing…
I was very embarrassed. Then saw him in passing and he said sorry he hadn’t been in touch he’d text soon.
Then he texted to say sorry he didn’t want to get into relationship with me but was really happy that we are friends. I texted back no prob.
So there wasn’t any awkwardness and we’ve seen each other many times since with groups of friends. It has puzzled me as he really did seem interested /one day I might ask him why.
I don’t regret it, but did make me realise that if a man is interested he does the chasing.

And just remembered that he actually texted me about a n hour after our ‘date’ to ask if I had got home safely (I was on my bike) and what a lovely evening it had been 😂
He’s definitely not gay (divorced) but never been seen with a gf even tho’ I had seen him at some point on Bumble 😂

No, it's the other way around. If you're asked for a particular day and time you can say you're busy, if you're asked to go out 'some time' it's very difficult to make a polite excuse. You should always be given an 'out' i.e. a way of declining politely without making it too obvious or awkward.

Then when you say you’re busy that day he offers up another day. Whichever you look at it a rejection is taking place. Six of one and half a dozen of the other, as they say.

No if he just says he’s busy that’s the signal not to press further. If he’s interested he’ll say sorry can’t do Thurs but could do Fri.

"Then when you say you’re busy that day he offers up another day."

No because someone who's interested would say something like 'What a pity, I'd love to, but I just can't on Wednesday. Another time though' and someone who's not interested will say something more along the lines of 'can't make Wednesday'. If the guy doesn't get it at first, you refuse the next suggested date until he gets it.

There's no easy way out of being asked 'some time'.

I take it you’ve still not heard anything OP?

Nope, I haven't heard from him. I'm pretty much over it now, I deleted his number.

Plenty more fish in the sea and all that.

He has done me a favour really as I couldn't be with somebody with his communication style, it would drive me mad.

In the unlikely event he ever does get in touch it'll be a no from me now.

Hopefully he can move past the awkwardness himself. It'll be exhausting trying to avoid me all week, he would need to find a new job 😂

To be fair, I’m not sure this is his typical communication style, or yours.

as said, just breeze it out, as it will be tempting for you to be awkward too, be a bit bitter or angry, at least you know now and won’t keep wondering.

hes handled it very badly, likely due to the fact he was surprised by it. But if im honest, as much as being brave has to be applauded, I do think when its this context, someone who you work with, who is quite senior, this was not the best approach,

easing in gently, finding mutual areas of interest, inviting to social events with other people, would have given you more of an idea. as there was nothing really here that indicated he was feeling the same, it was more you really fancied him.

there has been loads of threads on here, where women have misread, you’re not alone, by any means, it’s very easy to interpret him helping you. or a darling or a wink as he fancies me, when you are looking for signs he might. It’s called confirmation bias.

just try to put it out your mind now, get over the first meeting hurdle bright and breezy and then don’t give it any more thought,

I think what you did OP was great. A long time ago when I was in retail and we worked in a large department store, I asked a guy out. He wasn’t keen. Couple of months later I asked another guy out and we dated for half a year at least. Weirdly enough the first guy who declined was trying to hit on me at a work event down the track. I was breezy and unbothered by his attempt to chat. In my book, you get one chance only.

I’m glad I gave it a whirl and that’s fine if it didn’t work out. There are plenty more men out there.

I would say this guy is likely still in another relationship or isn’t single after all.

Well done. Onwards and upwards you go getter! ;)

I’m sorry it didn’t work out this time. You communicate in a very engaging way perhaps he is a bit in awe of you.
I’m sure it raised a smile for lots of us when you describe the forthcoming week.
I can see him now - peeping around parked cars. Give the guy a break and at least wear a fluorescent gilet!