I asked him out, he said yes now silence

[Jilly113]

After months of developing feelings for somebody I see on a regular basis (He works somewhere I have to frequent, a lot) I worked up the courage to ask him out today.

I asked if he was single and when he said yes I asked if he'd like to go for a drink together. He said yes. Great, I said, shall we swap numbers? I'll give you mine he said, so he did, then I text mine across.

I think it took him by surprise as I hadn't indicated that I liked him in that way. Anyway.

This was 10am this morning and he hasn't been in touch.

I know its hardly a week of silence after the fact but he's one of those people who use their phone constantly and upon reflection he didn't seem all that enthusiastic.

I feel a bit silly for being so direct and think I might have scared him off.

It's going to be so awkward seeing him now 😔

Also to be fair here he had no time to think about it, he had no out. But thinking about it he possibly thought co I want to get involved with someone I work with, no.

sure he should clear the air, but arguably you created rhis situation, so possibly you should, it’s like he was put on the spot. Said yes in surprise as it’s so hard to say no thanks, and now he’s got to fix it. Just act bright and breezy when you see him like it never happened.

Men ask women out, the men are analysed on the internet and labelled sex mad perverts.

Women ask men out, the men are still analysed on the internet and labelled gay or avoidant.

"I asked him out, without actually y'know, asking him out, and now everything is all his fault."

Poor bloke, I reckon he's had a lucky escape.

I don't think I'm being a harsh judge of him. I've actually been very hard on myself, both here and in a conversation with a friend IRL.

It's just that I'm now accepting that he had agency in that conversation and I didn't force him in to giving me his number or saying he wants to go for a drink or that he would send me a message.

I've spent the day feeling like some sort of bunny boiler who preyed on some poor bugger.

I think it's healthy to reach a more balanced POV that it was an awkward situation that both of us could have handled better.

hey so there’s this guy at work. He’s gorgeous, super flirty, calls me angel, says “aw you’re so amazing” when I told him I was doing something cool over the weekend. I thought maybe he liked me. NOPE. he’s gay! He told me he was on the works do! He was just being nice. It happens! Don’t worry about it and don’t beat yourself up, you did something really brave and now you know that you can do it again. Besides you can absolutely do better, don’t need to be going after blokes who actively avoid you. Next!

Honestly it’s just awkward as fuck. It was always going to be unless he said yes and followed through, even a no would have been awkward as fuck, and you’d have ended up in the same situation. It’s just the risk you run if you ask someone out you work with. The truth of it is, no one wants to be asked out by someone they don’t fancy at work, no matter how you breeze it out it’s always there.

I’m future it’s fine to do this, but maybe sound him out a bit first. Organise things for a few of you, get him to join, or find out his interests and pretend to share them. Make it loose, like a few of us are going to x place want to join.

"It’s just the risk you run if you ask someone out you work with. "

I think there are ways to do it that would be less awkward.
I particularly dislike when men ask 'do you want to go out sometime?' rather than suggesting a specific day. It makes it hard to say no and puts you on the spot.

They probably say sometime so as to not put you on the spot for a specific day. If you like them you say, sure what about this weekend?

Yup, well hindsight is a wonderful thing.

The best case scenario now is that he feels able to be cordial in passing, the idea of him going out of his way to avoid me like this morning makes me cringe so much.

I hate that I've become somebody to avoid because I know what it feels like to want to avoid somebody 😂

All this analysing the exact wording is pointless. If he was interested in pursuing things he'd have messaged the first chance he got.

However OP don't take it personally. There are literally ten million reasons he might not be pursuing you -

He's officially single but not quite
He's still hung up on his ex
He's gay
He only likes red heads

I'm being facetious but you get my drift. It's no reflection on you.

You did nothing wrong, well done for asking. Style it out. Big smile and hello, keep walking. If he brings it up, shrug and say yeah I was surprised to not hear from you after you wanted to swap numbers, hear out his explanation and say no problem.

Very worst case scenario, you have absolutely made his day. I guarantee you even though he's not phoning, he's secretly impressed with your guts.

Yeah as much as I agree with you I don’t agree with your what to say, if he brings it up, she should just say , what, oh no big deal, was just a drink and move the convo on. But he won’t bring it up.

😂 keep a sense of humour about it OP. We’ve all done things that make us cringe. I did something embarrassing when I fancied a work colleague, and my brain still won’t let me go there and that was back in 1979 when I was 17. I’m convinced he still thinks about it despite the fact I haven’t laid eyes on him for 45 years 🫣

Yes. For all we know he might have been lusting after Amy on reception all year.

If someone asked me out at work I'd probably say similar to this guy just to end the conversation and get them to go away 😬

Thank you that's very kind

I hope so, I much prefer he admired my guts than think of me as a creep 😁

I've spent the day feeling like some sort of bunny boiler who preyed on some poor bugger.

You asked him out, not kidnapped his dog until he agreed to marry you!! 😂

Honestly OP, I completely understand feeling a bit deflated but you’re being way too hard on yourself!

You did absolutely nothing wrong and you should not feel anything but proud of yourself for going after something that you want.

I have lots of guy best friends and I’m telling you that this would have been a massive compliment to him.

It’s never a bad thing for someone to think you’re attractive.
At the very least you’ve boosted his ego and there’s no way he’d think any less of you.

There is obviously a reason why he’s not texted and it could be because he’s got a gf, doesn’t do office relationships or just not interested for whatever reason.

Men are just not used to attention and so he doesn’t know how to navigate it yet. He sounds a little inexperienced when it comes to women.

Hopefully he will text so you guys can clear the air.

I think he was very flattered OP when you showed interest (unexpectedly) and wanted to take your number even though he was not actually single.

He is still probably thinking about whether to cheat or not ......as this is a workplace colleague it could have repercussions on all fronts for him, re chancing two timing

I agree with those who said absolutely nothing wrong in you asking his number and he ought to have been capable of at least following up last night with a mature text to just say sorry on reflection just not comfortable dating at work / sorry you caught me by surprise , although technically single I am in a situationship so the timing is not right for me / yada yada - esp someone who calls ppl darling and winks

Hes not single my BS radar tells me.

Well done for being brave. Now you know you dodged a bullet , the way he left you hanging hopefully has given you the ick

I do think he will follow up with a reply of sorts , he just has not decided which way to go yet. Please do not go out with this guy. He may have a reason for why he went cold today, when he does follow up - like his cat died or his friend had surgery. Stay away from his drama. You sound amazing and deserve better.

And then run away every morning at the car park? Mature.

Well, I wouldn't necessarily run away but I would feel incredibly awkward and not sure what to do or say. It's a really awkward position to be put in.

Don't beat yourself up,,OP. We've all been there, and it is what it is. Don't take it personally because it's not. Ghosting has become really common these days, and it sucks, but you gave it a go, nothing wrong with that. It stings s bit at first, but you'll get over it. The best way to act when you see him will be to act as if nothing has happened and not feel as if you've done something wrong. Head held high, that's it!!!

See I wouldn't get pissy on the surface but inside I would be devastated and know it would impact how I act around him. I'm so confused by him as I always see him looking at me and he always tries to talk to me but then outside of work it's pretty much silence and sometimes he's just awkward. He's very much a shy guy and I'm very outgoing and confident and have only ever been pursued by people like me lol, so I just don't know. Definitely no wedding hats (yet) hahaha

The thing is, I think he is! But I don't know as he's very shy and introverted and I'm the complete opposite. I'm also very traditional and would much prefer for him to pursue me and ask me out but I feel like he just never will lol. I always see him looking at me at work and goes out of his way to chat to me. Sometimes he just stands near me kinda looking at me, like he's thinking of something to say. But outside of work just nothing. Like, ?????? What does he want me to do. Do you think he likes me based off of this? Give me some male perspective. Post thirst traps on Insta to try n catch him but he's only liked one smh aaaaaah

This is a good idea! But I would honestly really prefer for him to pursue me. I'm very boring and traditional in that way. I just don't think I could bear the rejection if he said no tbqh. But then I'm constantly left wondering, what if. Man, why is life so hard

You could invite him to some casual work do - ‘some of us are going for a quick drink straight after work, you’re coming yes?’ and it’s very low key, very casual, no pressure. Then if it looks like it’s going okay, your other colleagues can remember that they’ve got a wall they painted that morning and they need to see if it’s finished drying yet, and it’ll be just you and him. ‘Let me get you another drink Trevor. Crisps?’

Some people are much better one on one and clam up in a group. This is very much me, and am a different person depending how many people I’m around!

When sorting the wedding guest list, please remember I basically introduced you to each other 😆.