I asked him out, he said yes now silence

[Jilly113]

After months of developing feelings for somebody I see on a regular basis (He works somewhere I have to frequent, a lot) I worked up the courage to ask him out today.

I asked if he was single and when he said yes I asked if he'd like to go for a drink together. He said yes. Great, I said, shall we swap numbers? I'll give you mine he said, so he did, then I text mine across.

I think it took him by surprise as I hadn't indicated that I liked him in that way. Anyway.

This was 10am this morning and he hasn't been in touch.

I know its hardly a week of silence after the fact but he's one of those people who use their phone constantly and upon reflection he didn't seem all that enthusiastic.

I feel a bit silly for being so direct and think I might have scared him off.

It's going to be so awkward seeing him now 😔

I’ve been known to dive behind pillars and suddenly rummaging through my bag if I’ve spotted someone I rejected for a date 🫣

Her gaydar is as bad as mine 😂

Yes me too, it was are you single let’s go on a date, it would have been utterly awkward as fuck to say no when she followed up the single question with shall we go for a drink, and to a colleague too.

yes he should have handled it better, and still should. But I can easily see how this could arise and I think the op already knew deep down hence why this thread 8 hours after she asked him,

I can’t believe he’s gone and made things awkward like that.

He hasn’t made things awkward.

And after you were so brave asking him out too!

Yes, this is brave, well done OP!

Maybe he is gay xD but I think gay men would have more class somehow…

When you don’t follow up, do men talk about you on online chat sites and call you a lesbian?

How many guys bravely ask a girl out only to be told to fuck off? Asking people out is always a risk, you win some you lose some. 🤷‍♀️

Best way to look at it is if someone’s not into you then they’re not your type.

I've literally been debating asking someone out who i think likes me back and now I'm definitely not going to hahahaha ffs I was imagining this would happen to me and now reading this post im never approaching anyone ffs

Hope he texts you!

Nothing wrong with asking someone out!

The trick is to not get pissy when he doesn’t respond in the exact way you want him to. He is his own person with his own desires, own way of judging what is the correct way to conduct his life.

Do you work together? Friend? Do you need to start your own thread so we can start discussing wedding hats?!

Well of course he’s made it awkward if he’s dived off to hide on her after she’s obviously seen him.

How hard is it to say
”I’m sorry I didn’t text last night, I thought I should tell you in person, I’m seeing someone/not dating right now/not into blondes or whatever. But I appreciate you asking, I wish I’d had this much interest in my college years”. Or some such thing. Sorted.

It would be different if she was hounding him or something all she did was ask him out it wasn’t a marriage proposal lol.

Ghosting and avoiding somebody you have to see in a professional capacity for the foreseeable just feels messy and unnecessary when it could have been quickly dealt with and meant neither of us feel bad.

Then don't be asking people you see on your professional capacity for their number if you feel that way. You put him on the spot, made him feel awkward, and he doesn't want to go through that again.

The thing is he might be having the same thoughts and if neither of you make the move, then you will never know.

Not all of us blokes react like OP’s one. There’s a lot of us who are incredibly flattered when it happens, and respond correctly!

Yeah I agree that it could have made him feel awkward which is fair enough, and he has the right to say no. But as an adult, it would have been mature to approach you this morning and just clear the air.
OP, well done on holding firm in your boundary of not entertaining avoidant behaviour. Healthy way to go.

All those egging the OP on or saying the bloke is awful, we know nothing about the OP. I’m sure she’s not, but she could be a female Hagrid with bo and have been making sheep’s eyes at the man without any reason to think there was the least reciprocation.

Back in the day I had a few surprise approaches from male colleagues. One doesn’t always respond in the absolute best way and, yes, I can remember dodging into the stairwell when I saw Bruce from Advertising who had asked me out loitering at the lifts…

ypu don’t know this man or know how hard it is for him, you don’t know either of them. For some people yes it is very hard.

I think it’s fine to ask, but give the guy an out, don’t put him on the spot. The op literally asked are you single yes good shall we go for a drink, very hard to say no, let’s not, it’s awkward as fuck.

so just do it the way I said up thread, are you single, well if you ever fancy a drink let me know, we see each other often enough. Thay leaves it with him, doesn’t put him into the horrible position of him having to say no to do you fancy a drink.

You’ve done nothing wrong, so no need to feel embarrassed. For everyone who says it’s unprofessional to ask someone out in a work context, well that’s one point of view but literally thousands of people meet their partners through work. In my friendship group alone, more than half met their husbands / wives through work so it’s really not unusual.

If he’s not interested, that’s fine, his prerogative. Just be bright and breezy next time you see him and pretend it never happened. If he wants to be a tit about it, bullet dodged.

The OP chose to ask out someone she will have to continue to regularly see because of work proximity. Someone, who the evidence now seems to suggest, didn't want to be asked out. Why on earth should he have now have to do things to make her feel better.

In my defence I was very nervous 😂

Ideally I should have worded it differently and given him more of an out, IE the suggestion above of "if you ever fancy a drink let me know" as opposed to "are you single? Do you want to go for a drink?"

The female Hagrid with BO comment did make me laugh.

I have never been short of attention from men, I just don't ever seem to like the ones that like me. Sods law, innit?

He doesn’t have to do anything. I said the mature thing to do would be to clear the air after promising to do something and not doing it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I just want to add though - he said of his own accord "I'll send you a message later"

He didn't need to say that. I was already walking away when he did.

If he felt as uncomfortable as it now seems he did, I don't know why he then added that in to the mix.

Instead of it being left open IE one of us might text or call, he literally told me to expect a message.

Have you never ever said the wrong thing, or the daft thing, or the thing you wouldn’t normally have said but you did because you were unexpectedly put on the spot?

He wasn't on the spot at that point, the exchange had finished and I was walking off.

If that was me I still would have felt on the spot and awkward! Were any of his colleagues within viewing distance?

No thankfully not.

Fair do's you would have still felt awkward and I possibly would too, if I wasn't interested in the person asking me out.

What I wouldn't do though was tell them to expect to hear from me. It feels a bit.. idk.. like leading somebody on unnecessarily.

To be fair, I’m far from awkward or socially inept and I may have said something like that. Sometimes when you’re on the spot you don’t quite say what you’d intend. I think you’re being a very harsh judge of him, whilst excusing your own words due to nerves.

What makes you think op is gorgeous’? Or that the man thinks she is?