I asked him out, he said yes now silence

[Jilly113]

After months of developing feelings for somebody I see on a regular basis (He works somewhere I have to frequent, a lot) I worked up the courage to ask him out today.

I asked if he was single and when he said yes I asked if he'd like to go for a drink together. He said yes. Great, I said, shall we swap numbers? I'll give you mine he said, so he did, then I text mine across.

I think it took him by surprise as I hadn't indicated that I liked him in that way. Anyway.

This was 10am this morning and he hasn't been in touch.

I know its hardly a week of silence after the fact but he's one of those people who use their phone constantly and upon reflection he didn't seem all that enthusiastic.

I feel a bit silly for being so direct and think I might have scared him off.

It's going to be so awkward seeing him now 😔

Another guy here. I’d just like to say to OP what a brave thing that was to do – as an approachable and decent-looking fella (or so I’ve been told) I’ve never been directly asked out by a woman, so this is rare indeed.

Unfortunately what the OP experienced seems to be par for the course. People will say yes when they mean no - or no when they mean yes. Some will give you “flirty” signals that are actually just them being friendly, or looking for attention. Others will behave in ways that make no sense on the face of it because of difficult experiences in their past – even they may not understand their actions.

My own experience has been that those who are romantically interested will show no direct signs of that interest whatsoever, and I will find out by other means.

There are studies out there that show both sexes are better off tossing a coin when judging someone’s romantic interest, so we have to try not to get too hung up on this side of it; also we should take responsibility and be less ambiguous in our own signalling. The game of plausible deniability that some seem to play doesn’t help anyone.

All of this and the erosion of our social skills in recent years makes dating a complete minefield. I think most of us in the dating scene could do with behaving more like the OP, i.e. braver and more straightforward in going for what we want and not getting attached to the outcome. Try not to let this experience put you off in future OP.

Gosh possibly yeah.

His WhatsApp pfp is him and who I assume is his son who only looks around 4, so potentially still involved with mum. Or somebody else. Or he might be gay. The possibilities are endless 😁

If he isn't single I definitely wouldn't have been interested anyway.

Also, he isn't a colleague per se but works somewhere he is expected to maintain a certain code of conduct so it was a high stakes ask from the off given my connection to the place, it might have raised a few eyebrows or at the very least served as gossip.

@Jilly113

he is expected to maintain a certain code of conduct so it was a high stakes ask from the off given my connection to the place, it might have raised a few eyebrows or at the very least served as gossip

Oh COME ON!

This is important information!!!

This is giving Buckingham Palace guard vibes

With OP being one of the young princess'es?

Nothing as exciting as a Buckingham Palace guard unfortunately, the company I work for works closely with his, he is quite senior though.

If he isn't single I definitely wouldn't have been interested anyway.

I think him not being single also explains why he said ' I will text you' (first) when you were walking away ...if he has a gf/partner who might notice incoming messages at night...

Either ways if he has not messaged you by now, he is not worth your time OP. You don't want to waste days/weeks/months/years on his drama

NO, sometime puts you MORE on the spot. It's very difficult to get out of without making it obvious you're being asked on a date and making it awkward. A specific time and place is what you can get out of.

This is a good idea. No one died so there's no problem. I did this once and he lied about being single and a whole load of grief was caused. Tread carefully.

Cmon folks. He’s single I know folks are trying to make the op feel better, but it’s very unlikely he lied, then said he’d go for a date then hid from her. In fact irs so vanishingly unlikely as to be a daft idea. If he was intent on cheating he’d have texted her,

he’s single, he just doesn’t wish to go out with the op for whatever reason. Maybe work, maybe he doesn’t fancy her, who knows. But the hiding says this man is simply not interested.

Op you didn’t answer but did you already know he wasn’t interested from the way he reacted. Panicking after 8 hours and starting a thread before the evening even started says to me, you knew he was on the spot, said yes, but didn’t react positively past his yes and swapping numbers and his I will text later. There was no enthusiasm.

Damn you've got it all planned out! You sound like a smooth operator. I'm more of a timid deer in this regard, I'm not approaching anybody haha.

Solid idea though and I think I'm going to go for it! 😁 eeeek im so nervous as I've never done this before lol. Maybe I will make a thread to update if it goes well?? We shall see. You will definitely be invited to our future wedding which is happening regardless of his response. In fact, I think you should officiate it. Perhaps we can name our first child, "Nocommentingfromnowon Jones"

@Fiendishandfiery , it's vanishingly unlikely and daft to you that he could have just texted her the same afternoon to say 'sorry, I have always just thought of you as a friend, so not sure a date type drink but yes for just hanging out as friends'

Come on.

He was flattered and he liked the attention. We are talking about a guy who calls women or even just the OP 'darling' and winks remember....this is no shrinking wallflower. He sent mixed signals and he knows it I think. He just didn't have a follow through plan ready yet.

What you say would make OP much more likely to say yes when this drama guy follows up with a text to meet up. By making it seem like the guy's weird car park behaviour is on her. Oh pls.

I was going to suggest a similar strategy. If you have read Mathew Hussey's book or seen his podcasts on you tube (he is a bit annoying but quite good), this is what he suggests - make the first move by all means but subtly with plausible deniability. Unfortunately, biology has made this the best way it would seem.

Oooo I will have a look now, thank you! Just been looking for something to watch so perfect timing for the suggestion 😁

I think you’re bloody amazing OP! If he doesn’t text, it’s because he probably feels intimidated and it’s safer for him to chicken out but well done for seizing them moment 🙌

The*

I like this idea.

If he's had second thoughts it's his chance to tell you.

Either way you just need to know.

Could he actually be in a relationship although he said he wasn't and now he's thinking ....oh shit..
X

Yep. Not immediately at the time but a few hours later it dawned on me.

My gut said it was a non starter, I was just hoping I was wrong.

Once the excitement wore off I could see there was no enthusiasm there.

Yeah I thought so, you were asking too early. If you’d sensed enthusiasm you’d have waited for the evening to pass at least.

he will be flattered don’t worry, and I do think people are trying ri be kind, but I’m not sure it helps you really thinking he’s a cheat or something.

he was just put on the spot. Said yes as it’s too awkward to say no to such a direct question, and he was surprised. His attitude is a cheeky chappy type. I’ve one at our workplace, he’s typical Essex London type.extroverted, a lot of fun.

he does now need to man up and stop hiding from you. That’s pathetic. He may have been worried you’d approach him again and say why didn’t you text when are we going out or something, so just act normal. Let it go.

Well done OP. You obviously caught him off guard and he doesn't seem to be as interested (or interesting) as you hoped but his loss. You've probably knocked back plenty of men in the past so just think how you would want them to behave.

Never feel stupid for putting yourself out there. There’s way too much game playing in dating. It’s refreshing for someone to just to be straightforward and honest.

Can’t say the same for him. Not texting and then running away from you outside of work? What a baby.

I don’t see how it puts you more on the spot, how? Them pinning you to a day and time as soon as they ask you out seems more that way, unless you’ve been flirting with each other for months.

Op I think it will ease, just as it was only yesterday he prob thought you were going to approach him again and ask him for a date and time, or ask why he’d not messaged, of course it’s chicken shit of him, but I imagine he’s kicking himself for not handling it better and embarassed , he is likely cringing at himself as hard as you are. both for saying yes out of politeness and then hiding from you.

Time will ease it snd it will become less prominent for both of you, just give it a few days,

overwll it’s just awkward, you misread his friendliness and took him by surprise, not giving him an out and in his surprise he said yes,to the very blunt questions, following up with the I will message later, but with a lack of enthusiasm which showed you he wasn’t interested and then when he saw you didn’t clearly plan to hide, but reacted that way as he didn’t want to deal with it again.

its just a misunderstanding really from both sides, neither of you got this right, it’s just awkward but it will get easier. As said in a few days it will be less cringe for both of you,

Well done for putting yourself out there. Being attracted to someone is not something to be embarrassed about. The feeling not being mutual is very common and nothing to be embarrassed about. Those men that hit on you arent embarrassed (and rightly so), so why should you be? You'll get better results in life if you try for what you want. Even if you dont always get it, keep going for it. So big well done from me.