Is my partner gay

[anon990]

I met a man about 3 months ago. We get on great. He’s out of a relationship 6 years now. He has been very lovey dovey from the start and has said I love you etc already. He is 32. He has a best friend who he is always talking about. They recently went on holiday and it looked like they were in the same bed I asked and he said it was two single beds they pushed together. This made me feel uncomfortable but he thought it was normal so I said nothing. I met his friend once and I said ‘nice to meet you I heard a lot about you’ his friend said ‘yeah he fancies me too hahaha’. Am I overthinking it?

Sexuality is a spectrum. People can have varying levels from 100% heterosexual to 100% homosexual.

Most of the men I’ve dated / married have at some point or other experimented with the same sex. None of whom are remotely ‘effeminate’ nor cover their mouth when they laugh.

Didn’t bother me in the slightest that they’d had a range of sexual experience. As have I.

On a separate note - close friends who are confident in their heterosexuality and aren’t homophobic wouldn’t care less about sleeping in nearby twin beds. It’s only people who have stereotypical views of heterosexual men who’d have a problem with that and see it as indicative of ‘being gay’.

People never cease to make me meh.

Bi sexuality is far more common in my experience than homosexuality.

Yep. Sounds all very odd.

Ask him if he’s bi.

He’s either openly bi or gay and in the closet - and you might be a beard 👀

This!

I’d find it hard to believe a 32-year-old man wouldn’t have come out (or at least not go to the trouble of getting a gf) in this day and age unless he grew up in a very religious or repressive household. It could be him & his mate are bi. Regardless of his sexuality though if you suspect he’s getting it on with anyone else, man or woman, and you’ve both agreed you’re exclusive then he’s cheating. I’d just ask him why he pushed the beds together or make a joke about him and his friend being lovers. If he laughs it off it’s probably nothing. If he gets defensive it’s probably something (or he might straight up confess)

I’ve never met a bi man who was effeminate. And I’ve met quite a few. Some gay men are effeminate but IME bi men don’t tend to be

Realistically I’m unsure how anyone here will be able to answer this for you? This is a question for him.

It's time for a conversation about this. It's early and you need to know for a few reasons. (It's only been 3 months. Plus I'd question getting an "I love you" that early as well.)

What could be his motive? Perhaps he is testing you to see if you will agree to be involved with a bisexual man (him) who is actively involved with another man.

Just ask him directly - are you gay or bisexual? Do not let him deflect. If he won't say, you have your answer.

No straight men will push their beds together while on holiday, trust me. And the "best friend" is openly competitive with you.

And most importantly, please go get tested for STIs. HIV-negative men are usually on PrEP to avoid getting infected, and those who are HIV-positive are usually on Antiretroviral Therapy which reduces their viral load to an undetectable level and are not infectious. So you are probably OK, but you won't really know until you get tested for HIV, syphilis etc.

I wouldn't date a man who liked to stick his dick up men's bums.

What about women’s?

Think you need a full and frank discussion with your bf and hope he’s truthful with you.

You can ask if he's bi, and see what he says. But remember that him being bi has nothing to do with behaviour. If he's monogamous then him being bi is pretty irrelevant to your relationship.

It's like going to a restaurant and deciding on whether to have pizza or pasta. Some people only like one of those, so will choose accordingly, some like both - so will very often just choose one of them, but have a choice of either because they do like them both.

Yeah I reckon he’s bi .
Agree with you & another poster saying “ I love you “ , so quickly into relationship is a red flag .
You’ll have to ask him straight out 🤷🏻‍♀️

You tell him about your good friend Sarah who dates men and women and enjoys it.

Most blokes would get those beds as far apart as possible. I go away with my mate and he gets his bed as far away as poss and turns it through 90 degrees.

Bromance. Not unusual, some male friends have really close bonds just like some female friends do. It doesn't mean they're gay. I think it would be pretty unusual for someone in their 30s in this day and age being in the closet.

Can you quote where OP said being bisexual would make him less of a man. It's okay to have a preference for your partner.

Just wow! even the Devil is pitching himself at hoe delusional people have become

@anon990

Sorry if I’ve missed it, he’s asked you to be his girlfriend, have you actually had the exclusivity conversation?

Update: I asked him about it. He said the beds were already pushed together and they pushed them apart when they got there

Did you ask him why your friend told you he fancied him?

My husband is decidedly CIshet. When we got engaged loads of people took me aside to say he was gay. Or bi at the very least.

I have no idea why they think that! Maybe because he doesn't tick the worst type of male stereotypes.

I think the friend is stirring here but it's probably something you ought to know before the relationship progresses. How would you feel if he was bi but has only ever dated women? Would you be okay with that?