Is my partner gay

[anon990]

I met a man about 3 months ago. We get on great. He’s out of a relationship 6 years now. He has been very lovey dovey from the start and has said I love you etc already. He is 32. He has a best friend who he is always talking about. They recently went on holiday and it looked like they were in the same bed I asked and he said it was two single beds they pushed together. This made me feel uncomfortable but he thought it was normal so I said nothing. I met his friend once and I said ‘nice to meet you I heard a lot about you’ his friend said ‘yeah he fancies me too hahaha’. Am I overthinking it?

I haven’t got a clue

I don’t think the bed thing is that weird. I’ve shared a bed with my close female friends on trips and not given it a thought. We’ve got a girls trip booked next year and it’s a triple room one double and one single.

Not necessarily true for all couples! My DH told me he loved after a couple of months - we’ve now been together for 12 years & have a baby so not always a red flag 🙂 some people just know early on.

I'd share a bed in that situation too, if that's what there was, but we wouldn't make the effort to push two beds together.

So you think he's a bit camp?

How old are you OP?

26

Ask him if he's a fan of Judy Garland or RuPaul's Drag Race.

It's not gay to push beds together. I've been in rooms with my friends who are women and we've pushed beds together to make more floor space in small hotel rooms - we don't fancy each other or snog each other.

The "yeah he fancies me too" could be a joke, it could be more. It's very hard to tell second hand.

You've mentioned that he's 32 but not your own age. You've sounded fairly young and naive in your posts which is why I asked. If you are much younger I'd just say that being 32 doesn't make him a mature grown up.

Being camp isn't the same as being gay.

Why would him being bisexual be an issue to you if he's choosing to be with you? Are you worried that he's cheating on you with his best mate?

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you're very into him or that there's much of a connection between the two of you.

Tell him you noticed the beds pushed together then just say...Are you bisexual and worried about telling me? Keep it light
If he comes back with his own question... Would it be a problem if I was?
That right there is what we oldies call a clue
Best of luck. Don't let this drag on for your own sake.

Take it from me, that means FA.....I've had a few BF that are the scruffiest metal loving men ever.

Bisexual AF.

Sounds like he could be bisexual. Just ask him!

You cannot be for real

The Bed thing and the friends comments don't mean anything on their own.

But you probably ought to work out what is going on. Do you have some male friends who could come out with you as a group? Do you know any gay men who could also do so as well?

I think in a group settings with him the best friend and some other men including gay men you may get different feedback. Don't prep anyone about your concerns but get others to take a read of the situation.

Why would him being bisexual be an issue to you if he's choosing to be with you? Are you worried that he's cheating on you with his best mate?

I take issue with this comment. Anyone is perfectly entitled to not want a bisexual partner. For any reason.

I do not want a bi sexual partner I want a straight partner. I am also entitled to know if someone I am having sexual relations with is also having sexual relations with other people. I have a choice in what I want from my partner

Exactly. I totally agree with you.

Look you’ve obviously got the ick either way so just break up

in a lot of European hotels (and even in the UK) a twin room is 2 single beds pushed together, or even a double mattress with 2 single duvets! I regularly separate the beds when I travel with a friend. I've no idea why they do this, I'm sure if people are booking twin rooms in most cases it's because they aren't in a relationship with their room mate and hence don't want to sleep that close to them!

@anon990
Always trust your instincts.

It’s your choice and FWIW, I wouldn’t want a bisexual partner either. It would give me the ick.

My son's been all over the world with his best mate, they often end up in a room with two single beds pushed together as is the standard in lots of places, or even sharing a king-size bed. Neither of them is gay, they don't prefer to share a room, they just like to get value for money so they can do more travelling.

Well then you are going to have to ask him.
That's the only way you'll know.

The bed thing I would be a bit meh whatever about. Can be easily explained

The friends comment to you not so much it's a bit weird tbh. Also the fact you say he is always mentioning the friend. Either there is something going on now or there is a frisson of something between them. Go with your gut - you got an odd feeling for some reason. I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a bisexual man.

You are only 3 months in this should be the best of times. Instead you are questioning the relationship already.

I have friends who would though, then take a picture of them together and then upload that to the group chat with a comment about who is going to be the little spoon.

I think you've made it clear that you don't want to be with a man with "feminine" traits such as the hand gesture he makes. In your eyes bisexuality makes him less of a man. God knows how you'll react if he wears a pink shirt.