Is my partner gay

[anon990]

I met a man about 3 months ago. We get on great. He’s out of a relationship 6 years now. He has been very lovey dovey from the start and has said I love you etc already. He is 32. He has a best friend who he is always talking about. They recently went on holiday and it looked like they were in the same bed I asked and he said it was two single beds they pushed together. This made me feel uncomfortable but he thought it was normal so I said nothing. I met his friend once and I said ‘nice to meet you I heard a lot about you’ his friend said ‘yeah he fancies me too hahaha’. Am I overthinking it?

That really doesn't make a difference to the OP, now does it? I wouldn't want to date a man who was attracted to men in any way. Plus how many 'bi' men are there, really? I don't know any man who claimed to be bi who actually were into women at all. It's a lie they tell themselves and others because they are scared to admit they are gay.

I don't think I have ever met a man who says they are Bi who was not. Though they tend to have a strong skew to men. Bit I think that is a result of gay culture making that an easy option for them to get sex and the number of women who prefer to have a straight partner.

It's 2026, we should be pushing male friendships that are close and able to speak openly more than ever.

It will literally be a brush off comment that is funny to them

I don't even see the issue at all, whys it ok to say my lord shes fucking beautiful but not, jesus he's a handsome dude.

Girls can push beds together but boys cant?

Grow up

Is it just me or is MN suspiciously awash with batshit-crazy OP’s this evening? 🤔

I was love bombed by my gay ex husband, so in hindsight, it was a redflag I missed . Other posters have sensibly suggesting you ask him directly. And I would. But be aware that if the love bombing is a part of a broader agenda on his part to deny his sexuality, you are unlikely to get a truthful answer (even if he is sleeping with his friend).

It's not 'batshit crazy' to dislike effeminacy in men (I mean in a prospective partner, not in general)

What do you regard as effeminacy?

Im a straight woman...if I went away with a female friend or even with my sister, I'd never push the beds together.

No straight men would push the beds together...they just wouldn't. It's a really odd thing to do regardless unless you're part of a couple.

No straight men woukd push beds together

Come now, I'm pretty sure you've met a very feminine man before. Why are you pretending that doesn't exist as a thing?

Pushing beds together is not something men do IME, women yes as shown by this thread - but men no. I'd be amazed if he just agreed that yes he is bi though, much more likely he'll just lie if he hasn't told you already - but I was duped for many years so maybe I'm projecting. I think not being 100% sure is going to eat you up though, so I'd call it a day personally. You do not want to end up marrying a closet bi man IME.

Thank you! Of course it's a thing. @Aluna is being highly disingenuous.

What do you think!? I'm sorry but have you never met an effeminate gay man before?

Eh? I asked that poster what she regarded as effeminate.

I’m wondering what she regards as effeminate in this particular guy.

Where am I pretending anything?

Oh come on. You know perfectly well what effeminate is.

What a stupid question. We’re talking about OP’s bf.

Yours is the stupid question. Stop being disingenuous.

You haven’t answered it: what is effeminate about the OP’s bf?

As I haven't seen him, I don't know! But I trust her when she says that she feels that he is that way.

Eh?

Why would he date a woman if he's gay? Are you rich?

OP didn’t say he was “effeminate” she simply said be puts his hand over his mouth when he laughs.

Because maybe he’s in denial? Wouldn’t be the first time a guy has done that.

The bed thing sounds really strange imo
Particularly if they were drinking. Yanbu to not want to be with a bi man. It would be a massive turn off for me too , and a deal breaker.

@anon990 I would ask what kind of relationship he has with his friend- if they are more than just friends. Based on the comment and the sleeping arrangements. I don't know any straight men who would push their beds together on holiday. I wouldn't do it with a friend because I'm not 16 y old..

That's not how internet forums work. You've come here seemingly for agreement of your posts and you don't like the slightest bit of push back.

You need to be more mature and just ask him directly instead of going on forums and asking if he is gay because he giggles like a girl.