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Partner put a cable round my neck and called it a joke

255 replies

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 20:26

I am still trying to process what happened and have so many emotions about it.

Out of the blue, my partner picked an electric cable up and said ‘do you know what this can be used for?’ Then he put it around my neck.
when I said ‘ok’ in a questioning way, utterly shocked and frozen, he then pulled it upwards, making it tighter. I said stop that hurts. He let go and laughed. I said why would you do that? He said because it’s funny.
i could not get any words out in utter disbelief that someone who is meant to love you could find that funny.
He then chucked a plastic wash basket down the stairs and laughed, and
walked down the stairs.
He came up 5 minutes later and
saw how upset I was. He said what’s wrong? Like nothing had happened.
I said I don’t understand why you would want to do that to me. He said it was a joke, I replied it’s not funny. He said everything I do is funny.
he then just stood there for ages and took way too long to apologise.
His reaction to me being upset, and not being apologetic enough had made me just as upset and the act in itself.

He does joke around a lot and most things are funny. But this was a step too far.
I am now feeling concerned that this is the start of something serious and I should think about what I need to do to protect myself from further harm.
Feeling absolutely crushed right now and I can’t bring myself to tell any family or friends about it.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 13/07/2026 13:31

OP that is he BEST news!

catcatcat24 · 13/07/2026 15:09

He’s testing you. Please leave.

LilyMumsnet · 13/07/2026 15:14

Hi OP,

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence web-guide.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ Flowers

OMGDidYouSayThat · 13/07/2026 15:14

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KierkegaardsUnderpants · 13/07/2026 15:18

So glad to read you are out of there. Such a dreadful thing to have happened. Stay strong!

fellupthestairs · 13/07/2026 16:18

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Read the room, or at least OP’s posts

MinnieMountain · 13/07/2026 16:28

catcatcat24 · 13/07/2026 15:09

He’s testing you. Please leave.

OP has. At least bother to read all of her posts before commenting.

Planesmistakenforstars · 13/07/2026 16:36

Well done OP. It's not an easy thing to do, but you are right to get out.

And what the fuck is wrong with men.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/07/2026 16:38

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Yeah great start a fight with him. He’ll end up winning and OP in hospital. What stupid advice. Even if it’s a joke.

NiftyFawn · 13/07/2026 17:03

Leave now while you can. So this has happened to you , that is no joke . He is trying to break boundaries

Gardenisablooming · 13/07/2026 17:10

Well done op. Very recently my mate had a similar experience..she shoved him away and HE rang then police and had her arrested!.
Her social worker had done a Claire 's Law check and it wasn't favourable..the police knew this yet left her dc with him when they took her away !
Push for action against him op. He may already have a record for similar...
Glad you have good family.

PetulaGordeno · 13/07/2026 17:11

Gardenisablooming · 13/07/2026 17:10

Well done op. Very recently my mate had a similar experience..she shoved him away and HE rang then police and had her arrested!.
Her social worker had done a Claire 's Law check and it wasn't favourable..the police knew this yet left her dc with him when they took her away !
Push for action against him op. He may already have a record for similar...
Glad you have good family.

That is truly horrendous.

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/07/2026 17:42

So pleased you've got out - stay strong.

I am sure others have said it, but this is him testing you - see how you respond, and he will feel like if you object or tell anyone, well 'i was only joking' and 'you're overreacting' and 'i didn't do anything' etc..

So do stay serious about this.

CleanSkin · 13/07/2026 18:29

That’s superb, OP, hugs & congratulations and best wishes for the rest of your life!
And your DF sounds like an absolute star 🌟

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 13/07/2026 19:04

It’s been a very intense day. I can’t go into details about the police side of things.
but we are safe and that’s the main thing.

I know this is probably normal, but it feels so strange that I miss him. My dad said it’s only natural but I should keep what happened to the front of my mind.

OP posts:
PetulaGordeno · 13/07/2026 19:10

It would feel strange if you didn’t miss him. Good that your dad gets it.
They are never monsters when you meet and then not all of the time.
But every woman on here can assure you that listening to apologies and going back never works. It becomes harder to leave.
You have every right to miss someone you spent three years with.

IntergalacticHamster · 13/07/2026 19:11

Many years ago my ex often did/ said stupid/ offensive stuff over a number of months before strangling me until I passed out on one Sunday morning.
I stayed a while longer until he then stabbed me .

Don't be me!

PetulaGordeno · 13/07/2026 19:12

IntergalacticHamster · 13/07/2026 19:11

Many years ago my ex often did/ said stupid/ offensive stuff over a number of months before strangling me until I passed out on one Sunday morning.
I stayed a while longer until he then stabbed me .

Don't be me!

That’s awful I’m so sorry.

MaryBeery · 13/07/2026 20:05

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 13/07/2026 19:04

It’s been a very intense day. I can’t go into details about the police side of things.
but we are safe and that’s the main thing.

I know this is probably normal, but it feels so strange that I miss him. My dad said it’s only natural but I should keep what happened to the front of my mind.

At times like this, remember that you're missing the him that you thought he was, not the him that he's revealed himself to be. The statistics for men who try to strangle their partners are scary, and trying to use a ligature rather than his bare hands strikes me as an even worse step due to the premeditation element. Well done for getting away from him, I'm glad you have family supporting you, and I hope the police will help with the appropriate steps to make sure he can be kept well away from you.

OMGDidYouSayThat · 13/07/2026 20:07

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Comtesse · 13/07/2026 20:09

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Wtf is wrong with you??

Shhhhitsmagic · 13/07/2026 20:13

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WTF? Are you ok?

PetulaGordeno · 13/07/2026 20:18

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I think considering OP has a very harmful situation sold to her as joke, your ‘joke’ is sick.

WhatMe123 · 13/07/2026 20:23

Op this is really worrying. Males that use strangulation are statistically more likely to end up killing in domestic violence relationships. It’s a major red flag. Violence in these perpetrations can quickly escalate.
now I know he didn’t necessarily “strangle” you but my god have you ever done this to someone as a joke. I know I’ve not and known no one else that does. This is really worrying. Personally I would think he is a violent man and he’s assessing your boundaries as to what you’ll accept or not.
tread careful if say

WhatMe123 · 13/07/2026 20:24

Oh op jus seen your safe, good stuff

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