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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Partner put a cable round my neck and called it a joke

255 replies

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 20:26

I am still trying to process what happened and have so many emotions about it.

Out of the blue, my partner picked an electric cable up and said ‘do you know what this can be used for?’ Then he put it around my neck.
when I said ‘ok’ in a questioning way, utterly shocked and frozen, he then pulled it upwards, making it tighter. I said stop that hurts. He let go and laughed. I said why would you do that? He said because it’s funny.
i could not get any words out in utter disbelief that someone who is meant to love you could find that funny.
He then chucked a plastic wash basket down the stairs and laughed, and
walked down the stairs.
He came up 5 minutes later and
saw how upset I was. He said what’s wrong? Like nothing had happened.
I said I don’t understand why you would want to do that to me. He said it was a joke, I replied it’s not funny. He said everything I do is funny.
he then just stood there for ages and took way too long to apologise.
His reaction to me being upset, and not being apologetic enough had made me just as upset and the act in itself.

He does joke around a lot and most things are funny. But this was a step too far.
I am now feeling concerned that this is the start of something serious and I should think about what I need to do to protect myself from further harm.
Feeling absolutely crushed right now and I can’t bring myself to tell any family or friends about it.

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 13/07/2026 07:03

Yes it’s funny how things will be used as a joke, to excuse whatever those kinds of men do. No this is not okay at all, and you know that, which is why you have reached out. I would say when you feel ready after the shock of that, you need to speak to someone professionally so women’s aid etc. To be looking at leaving in a safe way.

TellEmAboutTheHoneyMummy · 13/07/2026 07:03

Yes, never go back to the house alone. You may need to say goodbye to your stuff and start again. I lost all my things when I left my abuser apart from my passport, my phone, my purse and what I could fit in my suitcase. I never went back. Luckily no mortgage.

You need legal advice on the house.

He said it was a joke to gaslight you. Throwing the laundry basket down the stairs was also a threat.

Ir is best to block him and have no further contact. He will probably try to get in touch and apologise. It is part of the cycle of abuse. Don’t respond. Don’t let him know where you are. Do not provoke him..

NewLifter · 13/07/2026 07:05

Well done op
Good luck, be prepared for a lot of begging today
Stay strong

Horses7 · 13/07/2026 07:12

Well done OP - a very sensible decision.
Take note of all the advice given here - I think reporting it to the police is worth doing too.
He will promise to change but he won’t, you’ve made the right choice.

HyggeTygge · 13/07/2026 07:20

So glad you left, op.
When i started reading this thread I was worried there would be people dismissing it as a joke. So glad most people can see exactly what it wad. Please don't forget how you felt when he did this and be tempted to go back.

LtRipley · 13/07/2026 07:23

You have done really well to get out, and tell someone. Tell all the people who love you. Tell the police. But don't tell him your plans and don't go back.
I am linking a newspaper report about a woman who lived near me, Annabel Rook, murdered by her husband. The article is by her closest friend. It may be too much for you to read for now but everyone here who has told you what a risk he poses, especially when you have taken some control back, is correct.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/jun/21/my-best-friend-killed-by-her-partner.
I wish you and your children all the very best.

2021x · 13/07/2026 07:31

Glad you got out OP.

somanychristmaslights · 13/07/2026 07:34

Please leave this man. Normal kind loving men do not do this. Massive red flags. For the sake of your children, this should be the end.

Jk987 · 13/07/2026 07:38

How long have you been together? I bet this isn’t the first incident unless you’re a brand new couple. Hope you’re ok. Confide in someone today, you won’t regret it.

NotDarkGothicMama · 13/07/2026 07:38

Well done OP. He's a dangerous person. I'm glad you and your DC are safe.

Crocsarentslippers · 13/07/2026 07:41

Well done on getting out, I'm not overreacting when I say your partner could have killed you at some point in the future.

Another one of these that would have said it was an 'accident' during a sex game.

If he really did say "I'm always funny" ...well that is chilling in itself..the narcissism, the dominance.

Again, we'll done getting out.

Sassylovesbooks · 13/07/2026 07:42

I'm glad you and your children are safe OP. I suspect if you think about your relationship, there will be instances where your partner has pushed boundaries. He's already used humiliation and been unkind to you...now you can add gaslighting into the mix as well as the potential for physical violence.

Putting a ligature around someone's neck and deliberately tightening it, isn't a 'joke'. It gave him a sense of power and authority over you....and quite possibly a sexual thrill too. Humiliation again, gives him the same kind of kick, power/authority/pleasure from you being upset/distressed.

Your partner is abusive. Those signs may have been subtle but the ligature is a big army of a red flag.

SoBoredOfSelfDoubtHowToGetOut · 13/07/2026 07:46

Prick

TheBluntSeal · 13/07/2026 07:47

Mapleleafinengland · 13/07/2026 06:55

Is he testing the water to see if you’re up for s and m? Always trust your gut feeling it is there for a reason

No he won't be. S&M would be a long and calm discussion about rules, safewords etc. Consent is key. One person doesn't just start on another person without all the preamble - that's assault.

LastoneYawning · 13/07/2026 07:52

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 23:15

Sorry everyone. It’s been a long
evening, but we are safe at a relatives house. It didn’t take me long to realise that everything you’ve all said is what I needed to do.
So thank you to each of you. At least tonight I can hopefully get some sleep and sort out what the next step is tomorrow.

Well done OP.

Reading your first post chilled me to the bone and I am so glad you are safe. His lack of empathy afterwards was the hardest part to read. I’m imaging if I’d done something like that in an impulsive way without thinking and the person was visibly upset, the only response I can imagine is mortification and I’d be moving heaven and earth to apologise.

Please consider speaking to the police about this. Also speak to a domestic abuse service to get some counselling. Please don’t go back.

Daygloboo · 13/07/2026 07:53

Franjipanl8r · 12/07/2026 23:16

He’d have to have the mental age of a 7 year old to not understand that wrapping a chord around someone’s neck isn’t highly threatening and dangerous.

Maybe he has

MyDeftDuck · 13/07/2026 07:54

He has seriously overstepped the boundaries……..there’s nothing funny about putting a cable around anyone’s neck for a ‘joke’!
Please come back and tell us you’ve left this relationship OP!!!

LastoneYawning · 13/07/2026 07:55

Ir is best to block him and have no further contact. He will probably try to get in touch and apologise. It is part of the cycle of abuse. Don’t respond. Don’t let him know where you are. Do not provoke him.

Thought this from up thread bears repeating.

Gardenandseawitch · 13/07/2026 08:00

Please leave this man.

He is testing your boundaries to see what you will put up with. Don't wait until this escalates.

I would also consider reporting his behaviour to the police. I would bet you are not the first woman he did this too.

PoliteGreyDreamer · 13/07/2026 08:00

Ugh, I'm so sorry OP. This post reminded me of a housemate who once 'jokingly' pretended to push me into oncoming traffic.

He never got any nicer.

LastoneYawning · 13/07/2026 08:04

You really must ask the police for a Clare's Law report on him, and tell the police why you are asking. For God's sake don't let him know.

This bears repeating too I think.

LastoneYawning · 13/07/2026 08:06

Look into obtaining both non molestation and occupation orders against him: the police and a solicitor will help. What he did was a crime.

This too.

Wheresthebeach · 13/07/2026 08:07

Glad you left OP. Stay away he’s dangerous. Do a Claire’s law and call women’s aid for support. If you put up with this it will get worse

LastoneYawning · 13/07/2026 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DebOnDating - “Then you take a copy of that report and throw it in his face and tell him if you ever do a "joke" like that again, we're done. If you think that shite is funny, let's see how much you laugh behind bars”

This is dangerous advice.

TheYorkshirePudding · 13/07/2026 08:11

deadinthehead · 12/07/2026 20:28

Leave now, don't wait. It sounds as if he is breaking down boundaries with you.

This. It’s not on over-reaction to leave. There’s something not right there.

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