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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Partner put a cable round my neck and called it a joke

255 replies

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 20:26

I am still trying to process what happened and have so many emotions about it.

Out of the blue, my partner picked an electric cable up and said ‘do you know what this can be used for?’ Then he put it around my neck.
when I said ‘ok’ in a questioning way, utterly shocked and frozen, he then pulled it upwards, making it tighter. I said stop that hurts. He let go and laughed. I said why would you do that? He said because it’s funny.
i could not get any words out in utter disbelief that someone who is meant to love you could find that funny.
He then chucked a plastic wash basket down the stairs and laughed, and
walked down the stairs.
He came up 5 minutes later and
saw how upset I was. He said what’s wrong? Like nothing had happened.
I said I don’t understand why you would want to do that to me. He said it was a joke, I replied it’s not funny. He said everything I do is funny.
he then just stood there for ages and took way too long to apologise.
His reaction to me being upset, and not being apologetic enough had made me just as upset and the act in itself.

He does joke around a lot and most things are funny. But this was a step too far.
I am now feeling concerned that this is the start of something serious and I should think about what I need to do to protect myself from further harm.
Feeling absolutely crushed right now and I can’t bring myself to tell any family or friends about it.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 13/07/2026 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Do you really think that this thread is an appropriate place to make pathetic and inappropriate jokes about domestic violence?

Over40Overdating · 13/07/2026 20:26

@OMGDidYouSayThat are you this dense about everything in life or only domestic violence?

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 13/07/2026 20:43

@OMGDidYouSayThat
I can’t even find the right words to explain how upsetting your comments are to me right now.
This has all been a very SERIOUS situation, and I hope you do not comment further on this thread.

OP posts:
NameChangeAgain48 · 13/07/2026 20:53

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 13/07/2026 19:04

It’s been a very intense day. I can’t go into details about the police side of things.
but we are safe and that’s the main thing.

I know this is probably normal, but it feels so strange that I miss him. My dad said it’s only natural but I should keep what happened to the front of my mind.

Be kind to yourself @Tim3toputmys3lffirst. Leaving an abusive relationship is really hard. It will bring up tricky and complex feelings. I think therapy is a good idea to talk those feelings through with someone outside of your family/ social group. I think its normal to grieve the life and relationship you envisioned together. While also recognising that he is dangerous and a threat to your safety.

A word of caution: its easy to romanticise, forget and to be manipulated back into unsafe situations. I left 7 or 8 times before I stayed gone. I kept going back. Everytume the abuse escalated and everyone it was harder to leave. I realise my ex was going to kill me. There was no doubt in my mind. That is what kept me away from him.

Studies show that if* *someone is strangled by their partner, their chance of being killed by that partner goes up by 750% within the next year. I think you need to hold that statistics in your mind ecerytume you miss him.

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 13/07/2026 20:54

@Tim3toputmys3lffirst love, you've done the right thing.

Please understand that you're in shock now. Literally shock. Thank God you have your parents.

Please bear in mind that the sheer upheaval of your life will take a great deal out of you and be gentle on yourself. You've been pushed off a cliff and you need to reorientate yourself.

give yourself time to cry, don't expect too much of yourself, just prioritize your children and yourself. Eat if you can, don't drink more than a tiny bit of alcohol. Rest, if you can.

Ooooookay · 13/07/2026 21:12

Your dad sounds lovely, I’m glad he is with you and looking after you.
Well done on leaving, you are very brave and should be very proud of yourself for doing what is best for you and your children.
Sending strength for what I am sure will be a tough time ahead but will be so worth it.

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/07/2026 21:13

I know you can't go into details about what the police have said/done but can you confirm they are taking this seriously?

Horses7 · 13/07/2026 21:15

Almost everyone is rooting for you OP - ignore the very few idiots who don’t understand the seriousness of what you’re going through!
Stay strong - your new life is beginning and will get much better. 💐

LastoneYawning · 13/07/2026 21:20

Over40Overdating · 13/07/2026 20:26

@OMGDidYouSayThat are you this dense about everything in life or only domestic violence?

Reported. Vile post.

LastoneYawning · 13/07/2026 21:22

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 13/07/2026 20:43

@OMGDidYouSayThat
I can’t even find the right words to explain how upsetting your comments are to me right now.
This has all been a very SERIOUS situation, and I hope you do not comment further on this thread.

Focus on the huge number of us that understand and are absolutely standing shoulder to shoulder with you. There is an army of us and one idiot. We can ignore the idiot.

Look after yourself really well. It’s such an upsetting and shocking situation. You’ll feel every emotion imaginable. Just take it slow and lean on the people who love you.

TheBlueKoala · 13/07/2026 21:27

@Tim3toputmys3lffirst please focus on the supporting comments- we are a majority here. Fucknugget's comment has been removed by MN.🩷

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 13/07/2026 21:31

I can confirm the police have taken everything seriously which is a huge relief.

I honestly want to say from the bottom of my heart, you have all been amazing. Everyone here, (bar one) has given me the courage and strength to do the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Thank you so much.
I’m not over reacting when I say, you saved me and my children ❤️❤️

OP posts:
nochance17 · 13/07/2026 21:37

You should tell your friends and family immediately to protect yourself and so they know what he’s like. I would not be able to go to sleep in the same house. Pack essentials for you and your DC and leave. You should report to the police, this could be classified as a Common Assault but even if not it is surely evidence that he has thoughts about harming you.
Edited- just read your update - so glad you have reported to police.

WheresthesaladTheresthesalad · 13/07/2026 21:40

Well done OP. Wishing you and your children all the best. Sending love and strength 💐

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 13/07/2026 21:40

You have quite enough on your plate @Tim3toputmys3lffirst but it could be worth doing a Clare's Law if you can face it (someone else might have suggested it already)

LilyBunch25 · 13/07/2026 22:19

You should be incredibly proud of your bravery and what you have done for yourself and your children ❤ I hope that everything works out for you xx

TheClocksFast · 13/07/2026 23:14

Thinking of you xx

ChaToilLeam · 13/07/2026 23:30

You've done so well, OP, getting yourself and your children to safety. And your dad sounds an absolute diamond.

Seriestwo · 14/07/2026 00:36

I do t know you and I am proud of you. Well done, it is not easy to leave Sending strength for the next bit.

Teeganvegancheese6 · 14/07/2026 00:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Kokonimater · 14/07/2026 01:22

What a strong amazing woman you are.
sending love

NiftyFawn · 14/07/2026 01:47

So pleased to read this . Your Dad is right it is perfectly natural to miss him

findingjoy22 · 14/07/2026 04:11

It’s normal that you have mixed emotions. That is why you are so strong to face this head on. One day at time. Remember, you did not overreact. No one should have a partner that does this and thinks it is funny. You will get through this.

WhatNextImScared · 14/07/2026 05:41

I am so pleased to see your update. Well done OP. That took huge courage. I am so proud of you.

Gettingbysomehow · 14/07/2026 07:26

Im so glad you are safe. I know this is devastating and I feel so angry your partner did this. I suffered domestic violence myself and you do wonder what the hell happened. Such bizarre and weird behaviour.