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Partner put a cable round my neck and called it a joke

255 replies

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 20:26

I am still trying to process what happened and have so many emotions about it.

Out of the blue, my partner picked an electric cable up and said ‘do you know what this can be used for?’ Then he put it around my neck.
when I said ‘ok’ in a questioning way, utterly shocked and frozen, he then pulled it upwards, making it tighter. I said stop that hurts. He let go and laughed. I said why would you do that? He said because it’s funny.
i could not get any words out in utter disbelief that someone who is meant to love you could find that funny.
He then chucked a plastic wash basket down the stairs and laughed, and
walked down the stairs.
He came up 5 minutes later and
saw how upset I was. He said what’s wrong? Like nothing had happened.
I said I don’t understand why you would want to do that to me. He said it was a joke, I replied it’s not funny. He said everything I do is funny.
he then just stood there for ages and took way too long to apologise.
His reaction to me being upset, and not being apologetic enough had made me just as upset and the act in itself.

He does joke around a lot and most things are funny. But this was a step too far.
I am now feeling concerned that this is the start of something serious and I should think about what I need to do to protect myself from further harm.
Feeling absolutely crushed right now and I can’t bring myself to tell any family or friends about it.

OP posts:
Marmalademorning · 13/07/2026 01:25

Actually, reading the post above, I think they’re right. Don’t tell him, just leave as soon as you can.

Wordsmithery · 13/07/2026 01:42

istherereallytimeforallthat · 12/07/2026 21:00

Please - this is serious.

Call 999 and tell the police he wrapped a ligature around your neck and pulled it tight, and pretended to strangle you. Tell them he laughed at you. Tell them he is at work and you are afraid for your safety and that of your children when he comes home. Do exactly what the police tell you to do.

Excellent advice.

ForeverTheOptomist · 13/07/2026 01:46

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. How utterly chilling. Get away from him asap. Do you live together?

I hope you're ok OP.

ForeverTheOptomist · 13/07/2026 01:49

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 23:15

Sorry everyone. It’s been a long
evening, but we are safe at a relatives house. It didn’t take me long to realise that everything you’ve all said is what I needed to do.
So thank you to each of you. At least tonight I can hopefully get some sleep and sort out what the next step is tomorrow.

Thank God. I am so relieved.

(Sorry - I missed this before)

cornflakecrunchie · 13/07/2026 01:51

@Tim3toputmys3lffirst God Bless you, keep safe. xxx

Moonlicker · 13/07/2026 02:00

I'm so sorry. He has already showed he's a piece of shit before this with the humiliation & put downs. Love is not supposed to hurt, & if a caring person made a dodgy joke by accident and then saw you crying, they'd be on their knees consoling you and apologising. That's not to say that there's any circumstance that this joke was ok, it's just a bad picture overall and you deserve better. Hope you get all the help you need and get free 🙏 ❤️

GottaBeStrong · 13/07/2026 02:23

Please call the police and report it. As others have said, you and your children are in a vulnerable position now. The time when a victim leaves an abuser comes with increased risk of harm as the abuser realises they have lost control. They will do anything to try to regain control and their behaviour can become incredibly volatile and unpredictable.

In fact, when a man strangles a woman/makes an attempt to deprive her of oxygen via some form of restriction to her neck, the odds of femicide increase by 750%. If the man does it more than once, these odds increase to 850%.

He knew what he was doing. It was a conscious decision.

Change your SIM card so you get a new phone number. Block him on everything.

I would urge you to seek support from your local domestic abuse organisation, Women's Aid or The National Domestic Abuse Helpline. They can help advise how to keep you safe.

LejlaKapovic · 13/07/2026 02:35

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 20:26

I am still trying to process what happened and have so many emotions about it.

Out of the blue, my partner picked an electric cable up and said ‘do you know what this can be used for?’ Then he put it around my neck.
when I said ‘ok’ in a questioning way, utterly shocked and frozen, he then pulled it upwards, making it tighter. I said stop that hurts. He let go and laughed. I said why would you do that? He said because it’s funny.
i could not get any words out in utter disbelief that someone who is meant to love you could find that funny.
He then chucked a plastic wash basket down the stairs and laughed, and
walked down the stairs.
He came up 5 minutes later and
saw how upset I was. He said what’s wrong? Like nothing had happened.
I said I don’t understand why you would want to do that to me. He said it was a joke, I replied it’s not funny. He said everything I do is funny.
he then just stood there for ages and took way too long to apologise.
His reaction to me being upset, and not being apologetic enough had made me just as upset and the act in itself.

He does joke around a lot and most things are funny. But this was a step too far.
I am now feeling concerned that this is the start of something serious and I should think about what I need to do to protect myself from further harm.
Feeling absolutely crushed right now and I can’t bring myself to tell any family or friends about it.

I bet there's a long list of other red flags with this guy.

Okiedokie123 · 13/07/2026 03:03

Well done. x

Zanatdy · 13/07/2026 03:06

I am glad you are safe OP. How anyone could do this as a joke is beyond me. You’ve made exactly the right decision in going to stay with a relative. I think this would be no way back for me. Undoubtedly he is going to make out you’re exaggerating and it’s just some hilarious joke but it’s hugely inappropriate and the only person laughing is him.

Bristolandlazy · 13/07/2026 03:37

I'm so glad you're safe, I felt upset reading what he'd done to you, that's craziness. You've done the right thing. Stay safe. He crossed a line, massively. Xx

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 13/07/2026 04:15

Many, many of us are so glad you left with your children and are now safe. Please make a report to the police and take the advice of the person several posts above who mentioned changing passwords, etc. Also, if you have any joint money, get half of it if you can and put it in your name only.

One of my concerns is after he put that cord around your neck and knowing it hurt you, he laughed than threw a laundry basket down the stairs, laughed again and went downstairs. That is NOT normal behavior,not the cord, not the kicking, not the laughing. The fact that he tries to make you smaller so he can feel bigger is also very concerning.

Luckily, you are not married, but see a solicitor to work out how to deal with the house. Don't go back to him, please.

ascandadhdandhangingon · 13/07/2026 04:49

Anonyanonay · 13/07/2026 00:38

He's testing your boundaries to see what he can get away with. Totally abusive.

This. I was married he was a charmer, top earner and we lived together. I ignored the red signs waving. He would make the occasional comment and one day he did sometimes similar to this I was bewildered, frightened angry and he minimised it telling me I was too emotional and too sensitive. It was a joke. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone and I didn’t leave as he made me feel I was a bit stupid and irrational and no one would believe me.
Two months later on holiday in Spain with children sleeping in a different room (not mine) but the same apartment he attacked me - he choked me it was terrifying truly terrifying the attack started at around 11 pm and I couldn’t scream due to the choking. It finished around 3 am when he let up briefly to go to the toilet and had a nap - I had a small opportunity and I managed to grab my bag which had my passport and purse in and I jumped with no shoes on out of a first floor window and ran. I couldn’t talk by this point and I didn’t think I would be able to run after the assault but I did. I managed to get a flight home and get my key possessions out of the house and start a divorce. It was tough.

I hope you are safe and have got the kids. Report it to the police and do not minimise it. He sounds abusive and deranged. Normal people do not behave like this - they just don’t. He put a cable around your neck and tightened it about 30% of all murders committed by men on women use strangulation as a method. They like it - it give them control complete control and it’s relatively easy once you are fighting for air you are literally fighting for your life and your focus is on that

Weirdwonderfully · 13/07/2026 04:51

I personally feel like I’d never be able to sleep comfortably with this man ever again or feel comfortable around him infact I’d not want my children around him either. You need to leave him. I’d tell your family your childrens father and move out to somewhere safe. Infact I’d ring woman’s aid and the police to see what they can offer to you and your children. I feel that was him testing the waters and breaking you and your boundaries down. You need to leave for your safety and your children’s safety

disturbia · 13/07/2026 05:47

Wordsmithery · 13/07/2026 01:42

Excellent advice.

Non-fatal strangulation is now a crime under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 so Police will take this seriously

TheBlueKoala · 13/07/2026 05:53

@Tim3toputmys3lffirst Well done. Make sure you never ever meet him alone- always bring a friend !

60degreecycle · 13/07/2026 06:29

Well done, keep going in that direction. Contact Women's Aid today, don't trifle with anyone who tries to minimise this or brush it off as a one off. You know what you know.

I would get a note pad or, in your phone, write down all the incidents that have made you feel wary or scared, or that were "odd" that you can remember, and add to the list. Time will move on and your memory will change. This will also let you rest a bit knowing that you don't need to keep it all in your head.

One day at a time Womens' Aid will advise you how to navigate this bit, and onwards. Keep those DC safe, and they need you safe too.

WhatNextImScared · 13/07/2026 06:31

How long have you been together ? Do you live together?

irrespective of the answer to this, you should still leave

WhatNextImScared · 13/07/2026 06:32

Just caught up on the thread. Tell the relative.

chattyness · 13/07/2026 06:35

I was about to say leave him but I see you have already,I'm glad you & your children are safe, well done that's the first step. Now please no matter what he says, don't ever go back, you will never be safe with him again.

BlueFahrenheit · 13/07/2026 06:52

Leave him.

He's off balance.

RainbowLife · 13/07/2026 06:53

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 23:15

Sorry everyone. It’s been a long
evening, but we are safe at a relatives house. It didn’t take me long to realise that everything you’ve all said is what I needed to do.
So thank you to each of you. At least tonight I can hopefully get some sleep and sort out what the next step is tomorrow.

So glad to read this. Well done and wishing you all the best ❤️

Mapleleafinengland · 13/07/2026 06:55

Is he testing the water to see if you’re up for s and m? Always trust your gut feeling it is there for a reason

Velvetgoldmine · 13/07/2026 06:58

istherereallytimeforallthat · 12/07/2026 21:00

Please - this is serious.

Call 999 and tell the police he wrapped a ligature around your neck and pulled it tight, and pretended to strangle you. Tell them he laughed at you. Tell them he is at work and you are afraid for your safety and that of your children when he comes home. Do exactly what the police tell you to do.

This. Do not wait a moment longer. Would he think it was funny to do that to your kids? Leave. Now. Let the police now. Very likely he has done similar before to someone else.

TiredofLDN · 13/07/2026 06:59

OP- when he tries to talk you round- which he will- don’t go back. Your kids need to grow up with their mum. Not the memory of the trial for their mum’s murder.