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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Partner put a cable round my neck and called it a joke

255 replies

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 20:26

I am still trying to process what happened and have so many emotions about it.

Out of the blue, my partner picked an electric cable up and said ‘do you know what this can be used for?’ Then he put it around my neck.
when I said ‘ok’ in a questioning way, utterly shocked and frozen, he then pulled it upwards, making it tighter. I said stop that hurts. He let go and laughed. I said why would you do that? He said because it’s funny.
i could not get any words out in utter disbelief that someone who is meant to love you could find that funny.
He then chucked a plastic wash basket down the stairs and laughed, and
walked down the stairs.
He came up 5 minutes later and
saw how upset I was. He said what’s wrong? Like nothing had happened.
I said I don’t understand why you would want to do that to me. He said it was a joke, I replied it’s not funny. He said everything I do is funny.
he then just stood there for ages and took way too long to apologise.
His reaction to me being upset, and not being apologetic enough had made me just as upset and the act in itself.

He does joke around a lot and most things are funny. But this was a step too far.
I am now feeling concerned that this is the start of something serious and I should think about what I need to do to protect myself from further harm.
Feeling absolutely crushed right now and I can’t bring myself to tell any family or friends about it.

OP posts:
hevs03 · 13/07/2026 08:13

Wishing you all the best OP, I hope you get everything sorted

WinterBlues26 · 13/07/2026 08:22

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 12/07/2026 23:15

Sorry everyone. It’s been a long
evening, but we are safe at a relatives house. It didn’t take me long to realise that everything you’ve all said is what I needed to do.
So thank you to each of you. At least tonight I can hopefully get some sleep and sort out what the next step is tomorrow.

Coming late to the thread but you made a very good decision during a stressful time. Please don't be fooled by him if he tries to sweet talk you back, no decent man would have done that.

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 13/07/2026 08:24

Hi everyone. A little update.
had the worst nights sleep, to be expected. Got up early with my parents to talk about what to do next. We are waiting for a call back from the police who are going to come out and see me today.
My dad is retired and said he is going to stick by my side until partner is arrested.
I have amazing family. Thank you to all of you for helping me make that first step though. I’m so grateful ❤️

OP posts:
Roundthemaypole · 13/07/2026 08:24

The OP HAS left. If people are going to offer advice, please at least bother to read all her posts.

Roundthemaypole · 13/07/2026 08:26

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 13/07/2026 08:24

Hi everyone. A little update.
had the worst nights sleep, to be expected. Got up early with my parents to talk about what to do next. We are waiting for a call back from the police who are going to come out and see me today.
My dad is retired and said he is going to stick by my side until partner is arrested.
I have amazing family. Thank you to all of you for helping me make that first step though. I’m so grateful ❤️

What a brave woman you are. I'm so glad your have a supportive family and that you felt able to report to the police Flowers

Weirdwonderfully · 13/07/2026 08:27

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 13/07/2026 08:24

Hi everyone. A little update.
had the worst nights sleep, to be expected. Got up early with my parents to talk about what to do next. We are waiting for a call back from the police who are going to come out and see me today.
My dad is retired and said he is going to stick by my side until partner is arrested.
I have amazing family. Thank you to all of you for helping me make that first step though. I’m so grateful ❤️

i don’t know you but I’m so proud of you for doing this for you!! I hope you’re okay and you can sleep eventually!

LtRipley · 13/07/2026 08:27

OP you are magnificent and he is an inadequate abuser. Keep going! x

StormGazing · 13/07/2026 08:33

I’m glad you’re safe - he sounds deranged!

MrsFannyFlapps · 13/07/2026 08:43

Well done op, it’s so hard to do, but this is the right thing. My (long, long ago) ex husband started with little digs that increasingly made me feel like I was worthless, then gradually moved on to doing things to scare me, finally we got to the actual physical attacks and I realised one day he would probably kill me. I stayed far too long, and I guess I was lucky I left in one piece, physically (at least) unbroken.

Im glad you have a supportive family there to help. Dont let him minimise and wheedle his way back in, it will only be something worse the next time (speaking from experience). Things might seem really hard right now, but I assure you there are better things ahead, and you are alive and in one piece to enjoy them💐

AllTheTreesOfTheField · 13/07/2026 08:44

So pleased you've left before he escalates. So many women go back to abusive partners -to their own detriment- believing he'll change,he's really sorry etc;
It also sounds like he was laying the groundwork for abusing you by making you feel insecure and 'less than'.

Rise above, and be the strong woman you really are.

Seriestwo · 13/07/2026 08:51

Good for you. Trusting your gut is protective. I’m sorry he turned out to be a nasty man.

LastoneYawning · 13/07/2026 08:52

Mapleleafinengland · 13/07/2026 06:55

Is he testing the water to see if you’re up for s and m? Always trust your gut feeling it is there for a reason

No. Don’t minimise this please. He is dangerous.

Offering the OP ways of explaining the behaviour as anything other than what it is (abuse and a crime), will give her a bit of a chunk of doubt that may be he is an ok man and runs the risk of him being able to weave his way back in which leaves at great risk of serious harm or death.

LastoneYawning · 13/07/2026 08:56

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 13/07/2026 08:24

Hi everyone. A little update.
had the worst nights sleep, to be expected. Got up early with my parents to talk about what to do next. We are waiting for a call back from the police who are going to come out and see me today.
My dad is retired and said he is going to stick by my side until partner is arrested.
I have amazing family. Thank you to all of you for helping me make that first step though. I’m so grateful ❤️

It’s going to be a difficult time but you have done the right and safest thing. Much better to experience the path ahead with its ups and downs than be seriously harmed or killed. So glad you have supportive family. Well done.

Please contact a domestic abuse service too. This is their bread and butter. They know their stuff and can give you the right kind of support.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 13/07/2026 09:07

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 13/07/2026 08:24

Hi everyone. A little update.
had the worst nights sleep, to be expected. Got up early with my parents to talk about what to do next. We are waiting for a call back from the police who are going to come out and see me today.
My dad is retired and said he is going to stick by my side until partner is arrested.
I have amazing family. Thank you to all of you for helping me make that first step though. I’m so grateful ❤️

Well done op. Very pleased to hear that you are safe. Your first post sent a shiver up my spine. Not normal and not ok. Your Dad sounds amazing x

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/07/2026 09:13

I see you’re getting the police out and getting out of the relationship. Well done.

Comtesse · 13/07/2026 09:17

You’ve done the right thing Flowers. Hideous behaviour on his part.

TheBlueKoala · 13/07/2026 09:24

@Tim3toputmys3lffirst Very good of you to take action to protect yourself and your children. So many women are killed by their partners every year. If everyone would/could react like you there might be less. Thank god you have got a supportive family ! Some women are so lonely because they don't have a supportive family and/or their partner has alienated their support system. You seem to be very lucid- do not let yourself be lured back in.

JoyousWriter · 13/07/2026 09:29

Very relieved to read your update.
Well done.

Pacificwave · 13/07/2026 09:29

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 13/07/2026 08:24

Hi everyone. A little update.
had the worst nights sleep, to be expected. Got up early with my parents to talk about what to do next. We are waiting for a call back from the police who are going to come out and see me today.
My dad is retired and said he is going to stick by my side until partner is arrested.
I have amazing family. Thank you to all of you for helping me make that first step though. I’m so grateful ❤️

Thank you for this post. I stumbled across this thread, and felt really worried, genuinely physically anxious.

I am so glad that you have love and support in your life. xx

ViciousCurrentBun · 13/07/2026 09:42

Well done I was horrified reading your original post. Strangulation even if they say It is joking is the strongest indicator of danger to a woman, how anyone thinks it’s joke worthy is beyond me.

Stay safe and I’m glad you have family near you.

notatinydancer · 13/07/2026 10:03

I know it’s not easy for everyone, but I’m glad you got out and are safe. Hope the police take it seriously. Has he tried to contact you ?

Horses7 · 13/07/2026 10:56

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 13/07/2026 08:24

Hi everyone. A little update.
had the worst nights sleep, to be expected. Got up early with my parents to talk about what to do next. We are waiting for a call back from the police who are going to come out and see me today.
My dad is retired and said he is going to stick by my side until partner is arrested.
I have amazing family. Thank you to all of you for helping me make that first step though. I’m so grateful ❤️

Your family will be so proud of you.
You are wise and strong - stay safe 💐

PetulaGordeno · 13/07/2026 11:00

So glad you have family support. And well done for getting the police involved to protect yourself and flag up his behaviours for anyone else he assaults.
And huge props to your dad, sounds like a true gent.

Maray1967 · 13/07/2026 11:15

I’m so relieved to read that you have left and reported what he did to the police.

Well done you.

FrustratedApples · 13/07/2026 13:24

Well done, OP, for contacting the police. That's fantastic that your dad is being so supportive.

Thanks for the update

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